 Poster: A snowHead
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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slippy, the FIS rules of conduct would be a good place to start on etiquette/safety.
Have fun! 
Where are you going?
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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I've used this set for a while now.
1. Never look up the piste before commencing skiing, this ensures that all other skiers will avoid you, and therefore gives you the maximum area of piste to ski on.
2. When in a lift queue, hold your poles, one in each hand, and using your index finger and thumb, bend over and unclip your boots, (the clips, not the bindings).
3. If you find yourself leading a party of children, the more the better, ski from one extreme edge of the piste to the other. This has the effect of creating a wall, which no other skier can penetrate, and will ensure you get to the next lift with fewer people in the queue. If you are ESF, who do not have to queue, then just do it for fun.
4. Stop on the narrowest piste you can find, then using your poles, point out interesting features around the mountains to your fellow skiers.
5. If the piste is relatively clear, pick a person and pretend that he/she is a slalom pole in a race
6. When leading your family across a drag lift, ensure that at least one of your party stops dead in the path of the lift.
7. When in a queue, if you have children, send them directly to the front. This is normally acceptable, although if there are other nationalities in the queue, great arguments can be engineered, and if you are clever, can result in an international incident.
8. When joining a lift queue, ski as fast as you can and stop abruptly at the back of the queue. This will ensure that you really concentrate on not falling over, and even if you do, you'll at least take somebody else with you.
9. Practice the sport of tapping your skies together when on a chair lift, with a bit of effort, you can drop snow down the necks of other skiers. This won't work on dry slopes of course.
10. When driving to your destination, ignore all the lay-bys that are designated for fitting snow chains, instead drive as far as you can until the car won't move any further and stop in the middle of the road. This ensures that nobody can overtake you, and you get the pick of the car park when you arrive.
Strangely we still have no friends that want to ski with us 
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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slippy, you may find these exercises useful over the next few days as well...
Exercises to get you prepared:
16. Visit your local butcher and pay £30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two £50 notes to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide elastic band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred pounds - now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying £8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following a 40 T truck.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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slippy, I envy you, once you get past having fallen on your BTM for the twentieth time in ten minutes, you will LOVE IT!
Practically speaking, listen to the instructor and follow his or her lead and you won't go far wrong!
Ray Zorro, 
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slippy, my advice to you is to relax and enjoy yourself, but remember that you will probably have already planned your next trip before you even get back!
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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I've planned this trip as a surprise for my wife, Since the snow started falling, I've been so wound up I neally let the cat out the bag about ten times.. Really Really looking forward to it!!
Ray Zorro, Very funny posts 
I must admit though, I'm quite nervous..
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| slippy wrote: |
| I must admit though, I'm quite nervous.. |
The only thing you have to fear is how much your new obsession is going to cost you.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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I hear that!! I've had to buy two of everything,  But i don't mind.. We both deserve the break.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Is the secret still safe, slippy? 
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RichardB, Yeah, It's all good.. I have wrapped her kit with tickets for XMAS day. Gonna be a great..
laundryman, thanks for the link..
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You know it makes sense.
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I've worked out the final answer to that one. I'm not going to say exactly what the exchange is, but basically one good deed deserves another.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Ray Zorro,
slippy, Hopefully your instructor will tell you lots of things to keep you safe on the mountain. Give this your full attention and if unsure get confirmation.
11). Always stop just in front of someone, never just behind. This way if you fail to stop, or fall during the stop then they will act as a crash mat.
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Poster: A snowHead
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You are slippy?
I heard tell of a Slippy once.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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| Whitegold wrote: |
| If you are over about 28-years-old (biological middle-age), take up snowboarding. It is much easier, simpler and quicker to learn (fewer edges and no poles). Beginning skiing at such a late age is difficult and will likely consign you to a life of substandard mediocrity. |
You do come out with some classic lines Whitegold, but that's got to be one of the best. Perhaps we could have a thread of Whitegold's words of wisdom 
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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And my eyes were already weary.
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The more times you are prepared to fall over the quicker you learn
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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If you are over about 28-years-old (biological middle-age), take up snowboarding. It is much easier, simpler and quicker to learn (fewer edges and no poles). Beginning skiing at such a late age is difficult and will likely consign you to a life of substandard mediocrity.
cathy, As you said that's got to be one of the Whitegold, gems! Maybe he/she should have his own thread: 'Thing's I have a problem with!'
I must remember to consign myself as one of life's substandard mediocrity. Whitegold, Would you care to elucidate as to how old you are now and how old you were when you started. Maybe one day I'll have the pleasure of helping you up following a wipeout!
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IMHO Whitegold, has made avalid point. The learnig curve for boarding is "supposed" to be steeper.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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I've looked at the rules of conduct on the FIS site. They all make good sense, but I'm puzzled by No. 3. Choice of route: The skier/snowboarder in front has priority - leave enough space.
Surely a skier/snowboarder in front must already have priority  ?
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Frosty the Snowman, The learnig curve for boarding is "supposed" to be steeper. Now I am puzzled, if the learning curve is steeper surely its better to learn it earlier when you are closer to optimum fitness and learning ability
B.t.w. I know that Whitegold is right in terms of the age and fitness issue, but, to coin a phrase 'It's the way he tells them'!!
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Megamum, Yes but you may as well learn quickly seeing as your time left on Earth is limited
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You know it makes sense.
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| Megamum wrote: |
I've looked at the rules of conduct on the FIS site. They all make good sense, but I'm puzzled by No. 3. Choice of route: The skier/snowboarder in front has priority - leave enough space.
Surely a skier/snowboarder in front must already have priority ? |
Megamum, in this context they assume that the skier/snowboarder behind is gaining on the person in front at a faster speed than the person in front is travelling.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Oh, I see......it's in reference to those folk that whip past and in front of me at huge speed and make me jump!!
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Poster: A snowHead
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Frosty the Snowman - got it! 
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Michelle, That where the hands in pockets thing came from then?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Linds, you could give a nasty bruise to someones ankles if you stuck your ski pole out horizontally. 
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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[quote="Megamum"][b]If you are over about 28-years-old (biological middle-age),
I'm 26, I can't believe I'm 2 years away from being middle aged in the skiing world!! That really hurts...
Great stuff guys, had some really useful and Useless information to look over..
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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slippy,
Cut your toenails ~ seriously.
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??
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slippy,
If you have decently fitting ski boots your toes can get very bruised if the nails protrude. Particularly if your weight is back 
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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Thks T BAR, I shall make sure I'm well groomed.. Probably the best advice I've had so far.. This is the sort of stuff I need to know!!
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slippy, high factor suncream and lip protection is also a must.
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FAQ
I really need the do's and don'ts of the slopes?.
