 Poster: A snowHead
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Hi there
I don't know why i am posting this as my head is all over the place.
My 91 year old Gran is in hospital and we have been told that they are just making her comfortable. I am booked to go to Courmayeur on Sunday for a week and was really looking forward to it. Obviously, family and especially an ill member of family comes first. I phoned my travel insurance to inform them that I might not be going to ask them how I was placed regarding that - apparently, Grandparents are not covered if I have to cancel or curtail. The woman (who was very apologetic and helpful - she is only doing her job) did say that she would send out a claim form just in case and that that there would be no harm in trying. What amazed me, during my telephone call with the insurance company, is that they cover Brother-in-law and Sister-in-law but not Grandparents which is not that fair, considering a Grandparent is a blood relative.
The other thing is, and I don't want to sound selfish or uncaring/unkind - do you think I should go on Sunday and, if anything does happen to my Gran, I can always come home fairly easily (its not like I am away in Australia or somewhere like that). I hope I don't sound bad.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Sad situation, sympathies.
Only you can decide, but I'd probably go and see her before the holiday, then go away but be prepared to come back if you get word things have changed. Although you'll need to be comfortable that the visit before the holiday could be your last one alive. Depends how important 'being there at the end' is to you and her.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Yes, it's sad - and a tough one indeed.
At the risk of sounding horrible, I'd go, and fly home if necessary. As above, see her before you go.
She's 91, and there's nothing you can do for her by staying at home.
I can't believe insurance doesn't cover you!
Now everyone else is going to say "I can't believe you're even THINKING of going, how could you?"
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| Piccadilly wrote: |
Yes, it's sad - and a tough one indeed.
At the risk of sounding horrible, I'd go, and fly home if necessary. As above, see her before you go.
She's 91, and there's nothing you can do for her by staying at home.
I can't believe insurance doesn't cover you!
Now everyone else is going to say "I can't believe you're even THINKING of going, how could you?" |
I know the fact that she's 91 and that there is nothing I can do for her comes into play, but maybe I should stay to give my Mum support.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Was in a very similar situation last week...
| Piccadilly wrote: |
She's 91, and there's nothing you can do for her by staying at home.
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+1, go and enjoy yourself, she wouldn't want you missing out.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
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We had close family friends left with the same dilemma recently, when meant to be heading to a relatives wedding abroad. It's a personal choice at the end of the day, but they ended up asking themselves which they would potentially regret more, going or not going. They stayed home in the end deciding that they wouldn't have enjoyed it even if they had gone, and although they are gutted they weren't there, they would say they made the right choice (she has since passd away, although weeks after the trip).
Obviously it's a personal choice, no one can tell you what to do
Have you considered seeing if you could sell the holiday on?
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My grandad died, unexpectedly while I was on my first hols with mates post a levels. My folks didn't tell me till I was home and he had been buried. It's what my grandad would have wanted. I would see your gran, then go. Sounds awful but what are you going to do - sit by her bed 24/7? What good would it do. Tell her your going nag you're sending a postcard and bringing her a fab prezzie back. The only fly in the ointment is your mum. Talk to her - see what her thoughts are.
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What would she want you to do?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| Intuit wrote: |
| What would she want you to do? |
I think she would probably want me to go or maybe stay and give my Mum support - oh I don't know.
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jb1970, Does your Mum have anyone else to help through this time? Other family or close friends?
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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I'm just thinking that if my Mum was in danger of falling apart and breaking down emotionally, I know she would rather have a friend with her than us kids. As close a family as we all are, she still feels this (ridiculous, at our age) need to 'protect' us from stuff like that.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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jb1970, I would go - nothing is likely to happen in a hurry is it even if the worst occurs. Does your mum have other family members around?
Does seem a bit rough that the travel insurance doesn't cover you though.
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jb1970, The reason you have posted, is that you are in a real dylema, not one I envy, a definate catch 22.
In my experience I think kat.ryb, & Piccadilly, sum it up.
It depends on whether you can go & still enjoy yourself, without carrying any possible self perceived guilt for the rest of your days, if anything were to happen.
You also have to weigh it up against any possible emotional blackmail from other relatives.
Personally I would go , but then that is me.
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You know it makes sense.
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| noisey wrote: |
| It depends on whether you can go & still enjoy yourself, without carrying any possible self perceived guilt for the rest of your days, if anything were to happen. |
And that's probably it, in a nutshell.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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noisey's entire post seems like sound advice to me.
In my limited experience, people who are reaching the end of their days want their younger relatives to get on with their lives and live them to the full. Go and see her before you go and discuss with your mum what she would want you to do if the worst happens while you're away.
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Poster: A snowHead
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^ ^ ^ +1
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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another vote for go, as long as you discuss it with your family and folk agree/understand - you need to decide whether you would be told while you are away and you don't want anyone saying the wrong thing later.
My dad died while I was skiing in Canada, not unexpectedly but sooner than we had thought. I didn't know for 2 days, and I didn't go home - absolutely nothing I could do, arrangements were in hand. BUT that was a well known rule in our family, everybody knew the score.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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| Quote: |
At the risk of sounding horrible, I'd go, and fly home if necessary. As above, see her before you go.
She's 91, and there's nothing you can do for her by staying at home.
I can't believe insurance doesn't cover you!
Now everyone else is going to say "I can't believe you're even THINKING of going, how could you?"
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I'd go and be prepared to fly home promptly if necessary. However, I certainly CAN believe that insurance doesn't cover you. If a mother or sibling were receiving palliative care only and you knew that before you went, I don't think any insurance company would cover you - their cover is for unexpected illness or bereavement.
Only you can judge the extent to which your mother needs your support - and I understand why you feel that is the key issue.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Just back from the hospital - my Gran passed away early this morning.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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jb1970, sorry to hear that. But I'm sure neither you nor anyone in your family would have wanted her suffering to drag on. Sounds as though she has had a fantastic long life, I'd be proud of a nan like that.
Condolences and best wishes xx
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jb1970, if there was nothing more they could do for her then its probably for the best that she went quickly.
As qb says, my condolences and best wishes.
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jb1970, So sorry to hear thast. You will still have the same conundrum re her funeral. Perhaps speak to your mum as to what she wants now regaqrding the funeral. All very difficult.
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It is quite amazing how quickly you can get home if you need to. Courmayeur is not far from Turin, Geneva and Milan airports. From each of these there are frequent flights to most of the UK.
What would be your thoughts if your Gran lived in, say, Eastbourne and you lived in Newcastle, would you be taking time off work to be with her and your mother?
You appear to have two problems facing you: one moral - should you be with your gran when it appears she is approaching the end and one financial - does the travel insurance cover you if you have to make a rapid change of plan. Personally I wouldn't give the second a moments consideration.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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jb1970, Deeply sorry to read of your loss, hopefully she was in the right place, receiving the best care and was able to go without any pain.
At 91 she must have lived through tumultious times and seen great changes, both in the world and her family, I hope you can celibrate that and allow you to remember her how she would like to be remembered.
Deepest sympathies
Noisey
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my condolences to you and your family
I find the mountains incredibly meditative and restorative, so take some time to reflect and celebrate your time with your grandmother while you're in Courmayeur - I often find myself thinking about my grandparents while I'm up in the mountains, even though they've long since passed - there's a lot of perspective up there ...
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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jb1970, sad news for you but what a long innings for your Gran and you were able to be around at the end.
AsFrosty the Snowman, says the next thing is the funeral but from what I gather nowadays it often is two weeks before this can be arranged so you may be able to still go away and return for the funeral.
We were in France when my MIL died (93) and that was a bit of a surprise but not really, early morning call from SIL - in fact we stayed on and said that we would be back in about ten days as planned, all details sorted out on the phone and e mails. There wasn't anything that we could do at that stage.
On the other hand when my ma died 24 years ago (only 65) my OH was abroad and he immediately flew back to support both me and my dad and help with various arrangements.
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jb1970, So sorry to hear of your loss. And so glad you were able to be there. Big hug xx
tartegnin, Funnily enough, I do that too. You're right about how restorative the mountains are. Always brings everything into perspective for me. 
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You know it makes sense.
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jb1970, my condolences. This helped me when my gran passed away:
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
[Anonymous]
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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jb1970, Sorry to hear about your Gran, hope you are ok. Condolences from Graham and Elaine
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Poster: A snowHead
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jb1970 Condolences. I hope the funeral can be while you are not away. If not could you do most of the holiday and miss a couple of days. EasyJet are cheap.
Walter-Spitty, although originally anonymous, the poem has since been proved to be by Mary Elizabeth Frye.
Last edited by Poster: A snowHead on Tue 21-02-12 14:18; edited 1 time in total
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Walter-Spitty, A lovely poem. My gran had that read out at her funeral. I still think of it often, it does help. Nice one.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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jb1970, so sorry.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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jb1970, sorry to hear of your loss. 91 is a great age to reach, and at least (I hope) she did not suffer.
My condolences to you and your family.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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jb1970, sorry to hear, but as others have said, 91 is a good innings. Hope you're OK.
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My Gran's funeral is on Monday - so can't go on holiday which is a bit disappointing but that's life and my family need me. Just wait till I see her on the other side (I'll pull her up about this!!!). Got to have a bit of humour!
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jb1970, So sorry to hear this, condolences to you and your family
Might be worth seeing if you coukd sell the holiday on to someone else here, try to get some of your money back, although I'm sure your thoughts are miles away from that now
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| jb1970 wrote: |
| My Gran's funeral is on Monday - so can't go on holiday which is a bit disappointing but that's life and my family need me. Just wait till I see her on the other side (I'll pull her up about this!!!). Got to have a bit of humour! |
condolences but why not fly on tuesday morning to GVA and hire a car or similar to drive to Courmayeur - with an early fligtht you could probably be on skis before 12noon, and surely looking at mont blanc with a grappa is a better place to remember the nan than moping around the house. ok so you'll only get 3.5 days skiing but if you've already booked the accommodation and the lift pass/kit hire than no point in throwing that money away
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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bertie bassett, he's put a new thread up asking about that very thing.
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jb1970, sincere condolences, to you and your family.
| Walter-Spitty wrote: |
jb1970, my condolences. This helped me when my gran passed away:
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
[Anonymous] |
I love that poem. Read it at my Grandad's funeral two years ago.
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