 Poster: A snowHead
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A true story (by a Les 2 Alpes instructor)
For novices, equipment hire, the first few lessons can be a little confusing! A Belgian couple booked some lessons with me, hired their skis and boots, and we arranged to meet up first thing the next morning. But not a sign of them at 9... 9.15... 9.30... They eventually turned up, rather flustered to say the least. Profuse apologies, apparently there had been a mix up at their hotel, someone had taken their skis by mistake, Pieter and Jacqueline therefore ending up with the wrong ones, which they had nonetheless brought with them.
We'd lost enough time already, so we rushed off to the chairlift to get started. I quickly borrowed a screwdriver to adjust the bindings on their 'new' skis which, of course, their boots no longer fitted. Finally, skis in place, we climbed onto the chairlift and were on our way...
Strangely, they both seemed a little uncomfortable, but I put it down to the stress of the morning's preparations. They exchanged a little conversation, in Flemish, of which I understand not a word. They seemed even more subdued afterwards. We finally arrived at the top, where Pieter turned to me and highly embarrassed, explained: "Anne, you're going to think this is a Belgian joke (*) I know, but we've just realised what's wrong. I'm wearing Jacqueline's ski boots, and she's wearing mine! Jacqueline's are two sizes smaller than my own. No wonder we couldn't get our skis on..."
Keeping a straight face as my two Belgian pupils, in their socks in the snow, exchanged boots in the bitter cold that day, was no easy task!!
* (Ed: "histoire belge", French equivalent of the 'Irish joke' in the UK)
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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* (Ed: "histoire belge", French equivalent of the 'Irish joke' in the UK)
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...so that's why the French say I'm Belgian...
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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PG, your story is a bit like the first day I put my boots on this season: I was horrified to find they didn't fit at all, my feet seemed too big. My trusty Nordicas had let me down at last: I would have to buy new boots. Then a little alarm bell tinkled....and I took the inner boots out. Yes, you've guessed it: I had the right in the left and the left in the right. Replaced properly and boots fitted as blissfully as usual. (Phew!)
Tom (12 yrs) now completely convinced Dad is senile.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Hazards of off-piste skiing.....
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Our group hired a guide for the route down the Vallée Blanche at Chamonix. Our guide was, of course, certified and an excellent skier, but his English was somewhat limited. We were warned before starting to obey everything that our guide said because the penalty for not doing this might be death in a crevasse.
Anyway, after coming down through the 'Seracs' (ice pinnacles) we were cruising along a fairly flat area when the guide called a halt. He then turned to our (mixed) group and firmly stated:
"YOU STAY .... I GO ALONE!!!".
We all observed as he carefully worked his way to the edge of what appeared to be a small crevasse ... and took a quick leak.
For the rest of the week "A votre santé" before each toast was replaced by "I go alone!".
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Allegedly....
This ‘allegedly’ took place during that incredible winter of '99. 'Aye them were the days', I remember there was 12 foot of snow piled either side of the road where I lived. Anyway *J*, a local British ski rep, had been off piste with some clients. Naughty naughty, the visibility was poor and it was during that awful month of avalanches in France and Austria. Anyway *J* thought he knew a short cut down from the bottom of the T-bars and his clients were pretty fed up with the contraptions. They end up skiing down a deep, steep gully, as far as the start of a corner. Here they (sensibly) stopped to see if they could make out where they were on the piste-plan but no luck. Luckily they had mobiles and one of the party called the mountain rescue and described where they were.
"Okay", said the rescue team "In front of you there is a corner, walk slowly and carefully forward and tell us what you see".
"Erm, the back of a mountain café."
"Right, we suggest you go in and order a grog or two or two after your terrible ordeal."
*J* felt pretty daft and kept quite a low profile afterwards but the mountain rescue boys thought it was hilarious. Allegedly.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Report from a BASI 1 instructor......
One story - at my expense! Some years ago I had a group in Scotland that were about class 2 (intermediate) level. We arrived one day in total whiteout at the top of the Corrie na Ciste gully, Cairngorm. Couldn't see a thing, so I said "I know which direction we should head in, so follow me" I turned left and skied straight into a wall of snow - popped out of my bindings and did a very inelegant belly flop onto a shelf of snow about 3 foot high! The group arranged for me to receive a 1* bronze badge (equivalent to the French 'Flocon') at the weekly prize giving!!
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Last week I had just got onto an old fashion double chair lift, when the guy next to me said he had just suffered an injury. He said the chair had hit him hard on the back of the legs just above his boots. I said I had had similar experiences in the past but now took steps to prevent it. He asked what I did. I said that when I step up ready for the chair I look at the person next to me and go one step in front. He then asked if it worked.
Its funny - no one wanted to share a chair with me after that.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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I wonder why 
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I hope my wife doesn't log on.
A few years ago we skiied at Vail. It was midweek, fairly uncrowded and lovely weather. Just as we started down a double diamond bump run she mentioned she needed the loo. It was a fairly long run and by the bottom I was informed that she couldn't wait any longer, as I had no idea how far we were from a lift or cafe I suggested she made use of the trees and pointed out we were the only skiiers in sight.
She wasn't keen, but skiied in, unzipped and got started whilst I acted as lookout. I can only presume that in doing this she moved her downhill ski a little too far, because the next thing I hear is a scream and am treated to the sight of my better half sliding out from the trees backwards, barecheeked and in a fair attempt of the schuss position.
There was still no-one around, so I gallantly lied about that, although to this day I can't understand why it was all my fault anyway.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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This one passed on last week by Chris of the Alps
Last season he (Chris) witnessed an American (obvious novice) go to take what must surely have been her first drag lift ever.........in her ski boots, having first removed her inconvenient skis.
I relayed this to Denis (ESF instructor, friend and wine merchant) who laughed and recounted the story of when he'd seen a guy approach the local bubble lift and attempt to mount the metal steps whilst still in his skis!
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I went to pick up my boots from S&R after they'd the clips moved a bit. Tried them on and immediately statred ranting about how they were now incredibly uncomfortable, they'd been fine before just a bit big, what the hell had they done, they could damn well undo it etc etc. The (inevitably) Australian boot guy waited until I'd finished and said (remarkably good naturedly, I thought) 'That 'll be because you've got 'em on the wrong feet, mate.'  . How we laughed!
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You know it makes sense.
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Oh dear. Last year i over slept one morning, and left in a right flap, to meet friends at top of hill. Hurried through village convinced i had forgotten something, but no, i had pass, sun cream, money, door key, etc. Got to lift, very rushed and out of breath, and liftie asked me if my SKIS were already up the hill...
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Poster: A snowHead
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Mark Hunter, I know. Really, the shame... And i had to queue for the lift and everything, and still didnt click as to what was missing. No hope, none at all. Oh dear, i am off back to same place on Thurday, i do hope it is a different liftie this season
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Talking about the wrong feet, a snowboarding friend of mine was sold a set of 2 left snowboard boots inadvertantly. It was only after 2 weeks when he had broken the left boot in, but the right one was still agony, that someone else had a look at them and informed him of the mistake.
Draw your own conlusions...
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