 Poster: A snowHead
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Hot on the heels of Rossignol’s successful “Mutix” concept, embryonic British Ski manufacturer WHISSA has astonished the ski industry by releasing its radical “QUADPRO” universal ski concept.
Swedish designer Ur Arven-Olaf explains,
“We recognise that most people want to be able to ski anything. And they want us to make that as easy as possible. And they don’t want to go to ski school. Our cutting edge Quadronic Irony technology lets us give them that.
Using exotic materials such as nanocarbon tubes and memory foam we deconstruct the ski into its component parts – and reassemble it in the configuration we want.
The point is that this makes all types of terrain and conditions incredibly easy to ski: for example, short and skinny for moguls or long and fat for powder.”
Ben Seeniese, ski school spokesman in Eau Esseff, a popular British ski destination, remarked,
“These are magnifique. Now these cunning British can ski all over the mountain without the lessons. For us French Ski Instructors it is a triumph in a long campaign. Finally, we can spend all our time doing what we do best. Lounging in the alpine sun, smoking Gitanes and hitting on the little British ski bunnies”.
Regarding the skis themselves. The components are remarkably simple; four corners front and back, right and left plus the revolutionary “X-wing Cores”: a range of precisely sized cruciforms that give the ski its shape and strength. Clever nanotech joints allow the various parts to join together seamlessly.
Below we show an early design blueprint.
Initial “Crux” options include the “Bumps’n’powder mashup” letting the rider choose between short and skinny for bumps or long and fat for powder. There’s also the limited edition “Parlor Pro Crux” for bumps skiers who like to let it all hang out sideways.
And a variety of tails are available for radical park riders.
Other varieties include a race model with extremely aggressive graphics and a ski specially crafted for women, which will be pink. Otherwise identical to the standard model these offer attractive manufacturing economies while broadening the brand appeal..
When asked by leading snow journalist, David Off-piste, if the revolutionary light weight of his creations lends them to touring, WHISSA Managing Director Mr. Lee Sons-Never looked slightly surprised and wondered why anyone would want to walk uphill to lunch when there was a perfectly good chairlift.
In closing, when questioned about whether customers would want to carry such a load of kit around, Mark Etting-Balloaks (Sales Director) demonstrated the benefits of the memory nanofoam by rolling the skis up and putting them back into the handy carrier bag provided.
In their dormant state not only will they fit into a modest rucsac but they’ll evade that irritating low cost carrier ski surcharge into the bargain.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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excellentisimo
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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A pair to the office, if you will. Re marketing - as usual, if you spend over the 'specified amount' we'll not actually test them but say they're good all the same.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Genius - I'm sold I'll take 5 pairs - where do I spunk my cash?
On second thoughts I'll hang on for the "i" version - bound to be better.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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fallliner, Mark Etting-Balloaks here, hope you SnowHead chaps don't mind us WHISSA types sharing one address!!
I'm terribly sorry that we can only send you the pink ones as the black ones are at Slush & Rubble for general evaluation.
Between you and me, they've intimated that they may stock nothing else next year if my backroom boys can get our production rates up enough. We'll have a bally job getting the graphic designers producing enough lairy pictures so that S&Rs punters don't notice, if you know what I mean. And its a devil of a job getting pink paint to adhere to nanocoils, I can tell you, let alone trying to reproduce a K3 logo!
Oh, and do take frightful care opening the brown bag we wouldn't want you to lose your marketing bonus would we? Harr harr!
Last edited by Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do. on Fri 26-10-07 19:49; edited 2 times in total
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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| WHISSA wrote: |
| In their dormant state not only will they fit into a modest rucsac but they’ll evade that irritating low cost carrier ski surcharge into the bargain. |
MOD: Malware image removed
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No race ski in the range. Very disappointing 
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Dear Etting=Balloaks - so much safer to send what we like to call the 'review improvement fund' by registered mail. Used notes but not Scottish, please. We don't accept forrin.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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HWHISSA, hilarious.
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rob@rar, Hey, Ur Arven-Olaf at this end. Explaining. We felt the Rossignol had a good job at the race end with the Mutix. But we have much had demand for racing so we have developed a "cut side" available accessory that will allow you side cut. Like it I think you will.
It is only in Swedish colours though. We call it the xSten(d)mark.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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WHISSA, excellent. My eternal thanks. I hate to be greedy, but can I have two "cut side" accessories - one for slalom and one for giant slalom? I can then throw away all my old skis and be in one-ski-quiver heaven.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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rob@rar, I think the point you have found. Of course you can. They are costly as nanocoils need to be stringer and shorter, which is hard on furnace. I can offer also SG and DH for total flex?
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fallliner, Only Marketing Mark here!
Dear chap, all our mail is of course, registered.
You know, oh here I go again, giving away secrets, what am I like, some old fool, oh all right then, isn't it awful how easy things get after a few G & ITs?
Anyway, as we we are (as you might presciently have guessed) a Qinetic spin off, our mail isn't just registered, it's probably opened and censored into the jolly bargain. Haw haw haw!
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You know it makes sense.
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| WHISSA wrote: |
| rob@rar, I think the point you have found. Of course you can. They are costly as nanocoils need to be stringer and shorter, which is hard on furnace. I can offer also SG and DH for total flex? |
Dear Dr Arven-Olaf, thank you for thinking of my potential needs for SG and DH boards. Unfortunately I am not quite man enough for those disciplines, so I'll stick with girly GS and SS "cut sides" if that's OK.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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?? What's wrong with learning how to ski properly and buying a nice pair of Nordica Doberman (all mountain) FIS SL-Rs?
Last edited by Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name: on Fri 26-10-07 22:34; edited 2 times in total
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Poster: A snowHead
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Dear rab@ror, this is OK. Or good. Secret of quadronics means long skis within allmen's touch. Just do for it as Nike says. Have another drink. Cranberry Akvavit soothes all cuts.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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WHISSA, Priceless....
Have you thought about bindings yet? I would have thought Marker Dukes but in carbon fibre and titanium. Graphics should be a naked bird obviously, getting more curvaceous with the fatter versions?
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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wtf...
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Having worked quite closely with the WHISSA boys on my Pro Model this year, I'd just like to say thank you to all my sponsors. Kleenex, Band Aid and *link is NSFW* Astro Glide *link is NSFW*. Get some, these skis rock. Thanks fellas.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Sir Ivo Nevaskied-Nevawill, Whissa Chairman here. By the way aren't these inter-phone things marvellous? Young parlor, you know we appreciated you, errrm, "contributions".
stoatsbrother, As we always say on my low cost airline WHISSAIR, "Safety is our highest priority, we want to get there just as much as you do".
And so it goes for WHISSA skis. You might be forgiven for thinking that our marvelous technology had been caught out by needing to mount (snigger) bindings on them. In true british spirit though our top back room boys have managed to make every WHISSA ski in every combination fit any set of bindings. Clever eh?
It's all to do with some sort of tunnelling - and holes moving in the opposite direction. Works in transistors too. And they mentioned something about some damn German's cat in a box.
Straight over my head!
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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stoatsbrother, one day all skiers will be enjoying the benefits of skiing with Quadronics!!
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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and there'll be a whole bunch of people spinning in their boxes over at the pure-******** ski company methinks
Quiksilver - GoldenBalls.
Last edited by You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net. on Sun 28-10-07 18:00; edited 1 time in total
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Dear Dr Arven-Olaf, now that you have developed the ultimate ski would you be able to develop the ultimate ski boot?
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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All furry and soft
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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rob@rar, a difficult think to be improving on this. 
But this space be watching, we are hardworking on revolutionarising all aspects of skiing!
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FAQ
