Advice Needed - Reluctant Partner

A snowHead

Hey guys, need a little advice please.

I normally ski twice a winter. My other half is a beach and cocktails kind of girl so she has never been skiing - the idea really doesn't appeal to her so I always go away with a lads group.

We now have two young kids who are coming up to the right age to go on ski holidays and I really want to have an annual family trip to the alps.

Like most of us, I am REALLY craving skiing right about now and am looking ahead to post-lockdown so I can get something booked via Ski Famille or similar.

Few questions:

- What's the best way to convince a non-skiier to love skiing (or even endure it...)
- Any tips on a good introductory ski trip for the family?
- Any resorts that have amazing non-ski things to do as a family?

General advice would be great if you have insight into this and what would be best.

Thanks!!

A snowHead

@bezthespaniard, go in April, somewhere high and sunny. If she doesn’t like the skiing she can sit on a sunny terrace drinking cocktails and working on her tan. If you’re flexible on budget I can recommend Courchevel 1850 for great piste skiing, and access to the 3V for you, or Val d’Isere. Zermatt is also wonderful in April, with magnificent views and fab mountain restaurants, but some of the accommodation is not so convenient with kids

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

Just talk to her about it. She might like the idea of a family holiday where you can all do things together.

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Couple of things. Main thing with me was anticipating all the things that might have gone wrong and then working out how to fix them ahead of time. I learned the following:

1. run things at the pace of your o/h and recognise that you cannot force them to do things that they don't want to do. If that means that she isn't going to take to skiing then that's just something you've got to live with.
2. buy her boots first and get them properly fitted.
3. understand how she learns and tailor the learning environment to that. I spent a lot of time/money on finding the right female, native English speaking instructor for my wife. It was totally worth it.
4. recognise that a family ski holiday may (initially) contain very little actual skiing for you and you may end up collecting/depositing people at ski school and not skiing.
5. talk to your o/h's instructor and follow their advice on where you should ski together. Don't take her somewhere that is above her ability level.
6. Rocking up after wife/kids have had lessons with a flask of hot chocolate or something goes a long way.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

The experience of the first trip will likely decide the attitude of your Partner For Ever towards a skiing holiday - so no pressure then. Toofy Grin

IME. The things that form a negative impression are:

- Poorly fitted uncomfortable equipment
- Poor instruction in large classes
- Inclement weather that is cold with flat light
- Too much/busing/queuing walking in ski gear on icy pavements
- Inadequate clothing - Gloves/Mitts in particular, as Women often suffer cold hands
- Too busy in the Beginner area that is too low, giving poor snow at times
- Too much pressure to ski, which may include early starts - so lots of stops and the enjoyment of mountain restaurants. It has to feel like a holiday, not a boot camp.
- Inadequate fitness....a big factor.
- Dietary requirements eg Vegan, Vegetarian etc
- The removal of confidence by being taken down something too difficult.

As a keen skier, you will be aware of this - but the subtleties of going with a Partner who has never been skiing, can change things considerably.

How you go about this may well depend on the character of your Partner - are they likely to be very nervous, or more sporty with "a go for it attitude"? Would they enjoy being in a group for learning, or would that be counter productive?

A lot of the above list can be somewhat mitigated - Weather is pot luck, but leaving it a bit later, should make it warmer and snow sure.

Given the importance of a good first impression, I think you need somewhere smaller, less busy, picturesque, without too much walking to the slopes and gentle slopes.....maybe somewhere in the Dolomites. Invest in decent Mitts and look for either Small Classes (Max 6), or be prepared to invest in Private lessons.

I'm sure you will get lots of useful advice from the good Folk on here.

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Having seen other people go through this or simply where an OH is not as keen because they think money could be better spent on the house etc etc my observations are:

- Have an honest conversation about whether she is ever going to find it possible to enjoy a break in the mountains (I'd sell it as that - fresh mountain air, great views, cozy fires, nice pools/saunas etc rather than around the activity itself)
- Don't put pressure on to ski - other activities may be fine snowshoeing etc
- Make it clear how important it is to you and how you would love the kids to have the experience
- Consider finding another family to go with, particularly if they would be at the same never ever level
- Longer term accept that maybe you need to group up with another family and take the kids while she takes a mums' break somewhere

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Have no expectations for yourself, and it'll go far more smoothly. Consider snowshoeing as an option as well. And perhaps try and find a resort where there is a pool (and a spa, if she is into Wellness). My sister-in-law doesn't ski but likes to do some snowshoeing, so her husband is happy to do that instead some days - generally when the weather is not so good for skiing. It also saves a day's ski pass cost, so that's good too. Your Lads' Trip shouldn't be mutually exclusive - you can still do this and if you acknowledge this up-front, then again, everyone should be much more relaxed. ANd it should be a quid pro quo : you get your Lads' Trip if she gets a similar amount of time doing whatever she want to with you staying at home.

After all it is free

Agree with pretty much all of the above post, one thing my other half needs is somewhere else to go during an off day, either with or without me. So in this respect, she's gone to Geneva for the day, we've been to saltzburg for a day, and so on. Basically, there needs to be a non-skiing aspect available. So a short easy transfer makes this possible.
Additionally, there will be no scrimping on the accommodation, its more than just a place to sleep for her.

@Roguevfr Have you considered reversing the focus? i.e. staying somewhere that's a spa location first with you driving off to ski surrounding resorts each day? My usual example here is somewhere like the Bains de Saillon in the Swiss Valais (not a hyper-exclusive mountain spa, but more 'mainstream' family-type thermal resort, located down in the valley). The nearby rail station is on the line to Sion, Martigny, Lausanne, Montreux, Chillon and Geneva, so there's a wide variety of cultural, tourist and shopping excursions.

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Personally, I think the two things that need particular emphasis are:

1. Fitness. Learning (and falling) are particularly hard work.

2. Instruction. IME. The enjoyment (or not) of skiing, will be hugely determined by this - and will be the deciding factor on whether this type of holiday will be repeated. Ask for recommendations on here.

Pro Tip - Keep to runs that the Instructor has used and don't do too much Instruction yourself...otherwise WW3 can break out.

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Hello me 8 years ago. @Old Fartbag, has pretty much nailed it. The first ever trip I took my wife on, we arrived in La Rosiere to glorious sunshine. “What a wonderful week we will have” we thought. Fast forward 12 hours and we woke up to the morning of her first group lesson and 50kph winds and a whiteout. Me and my wife’s dad dropped her at her first group lesson then ran for our lives.

It was a big mistake. It’s worth forking out for private lessons so she can go at her own pace. My wife swears that all new mothers develop a “mother fear” of injuring themselves and not being able to look after the kids, so the rate at which they learn (and push themselves on skis) may be at a slower rate than others in a group lesson. My wife also insists on female instructors as she has found them more sympathetic.

If you’re going mid season, go somewhere lower within the tree line so that you don’t risk high winds and have somewhere to go in flat light/poor vis. Miles under skis is also important. Try and find somwhere you spend lots of time at where your wife can get lots of time skiing to build confidence. Our version of this was the white cross in Les Gets. You can go up and down the 4 man and pick loads of different lines which can help challenge a beginner and there’s 2 x kids runs and a board park in the same area to keep the kids happy. When you need a break, stop at the Yeti Café for a vin chaud or hot chocolate.

One other thing to talk about is the future. When your kids are older teenagers there’s a chance they won’t be interested in going on summer holidays with you. Offer to take them skiing (assuming they like it) and they’ll probably jump at the chance as they won’t be able to afford it otherwise! So skiing could be a good way of spending time together as well oi all get older.

It is possible for someone to do a complete 180 on their opinion around skiing - I was a late starter at 23, was convinced to go skiing (someone else paid - that probably helped) - I didn't like the cold, didn't want a holiday that was super active, wasn't sporty, was scared I'd injure myself...blah blah blah.
Now nearly 20 years later, I can't believe that was ever me - I'm not interested in sun holidays, I only want to be in the mountains - the snow and the mountains are good for my soul. Even if I couldn't ever ski again, I would still choose winter, snow and mountain holidays.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that until you've done a ski holiday, I don't think you can fully appreciate the idea of it. Perhaps your tales of 'lads' ski holidays might be off putting - but perhaps you can convince her to try a winter holiday with some skiing - lots of time in cafes drinking hot chocolate, eating great mountain food, playing in the snow with the kids, tubing and tobogganing and just a small focus on actual skiing (for her, perhaps you can squeeze some more in..)

You know it makes sense.

Would certainly highlight this from gorilla:

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

bezthespaniard:

Having seen loss of confidence ruin another person’s ski holiday from close quarters a couple of times, I’d say psychology could be pretty important. If I was in your position, which I never will be, if you can do it, I’d lower your expectations of success to worse than say 50/50, so you can be delighted if you succeed, and show only mild disappointment if you don’t.

Another thing could be a shift of focus for both of you, but mainly for her, away onto the kids instead of herself, and making sure that you both try your hardest to give them the time of their lives?
She may then be happy, even if she doesn’t take to skiing herself, and you may have some sort of template for future holidays?

Also I too agree that @Old Fartbag has pretty well nailed it.

A snowHead

How would you feel if your other half asked you to limit ski trips to one per year so you could do an extra family holiday doing something that doesn't appeal to you? My point is I wouldn't try and force them into anything, usually this only ends badly (in general not just skiing,). I'd go for a different approach:
"I'll take the kids skiing for a week, it will be a great experience for them, and you can have a week to yourself to do whatever you want". Perhaps they see some nice photos and hear some nice stories about kids experience and decide they would like to try next year. If not there is nothing wrong with you taking kids each year and them choosing to do something else.
The married men I know would say you have it perfect now with no family ski trips so why spoil a good thing snowHead

A snowHead

@boarder2020, I know you are probably joking around a little but just to confirm I'm a married man with kids and I wouldn't have missed our family ski trips for the world. I was fortunate though that my wife was already a skier. Nevertheless, I think I would give it a go before dismissing. Also taking two you children skiing by yourself is possible but very hard work!

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

It should be an obligatory question on the first date - then problem avoided.

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Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

After all it is free

Loads of good advice, but choice of resort may come down to how much Bez can spend in a week.

My resort choice might be St Foy, mid to late March. Great kids area surrounded by nice accom (literally), super pretty, spas and stuff if the other half says no to skiing. Also some challenging skiing for Dad, but you are never more than 15 mins from the central area as it's quite small but perfectly formed for this scenario. And a lot cheaper than the large resorts around it, especially ski passes.

Loads of good advice already.
I'm in the camp of going somewhere really nice at Easter to start.

Best argument I can think of - skiing is a great way of keeping grumpy teenagers still wanting to come on holiday with you. And twenty somethings come back to spend time with you. Easy to get them hooked young

Best tip for making it a success - the first couple of holidays are not about your skiing. At all. They are about making sure that the rest of the family have a really good time. Invest in that and you'll get you pay back in years to come.
That means taking afternoons off to play in the snow. Making sure you are there early to pick them up after lessons. Nice lunches, etc etc

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The time before before little kids start their early ski lessons is a very important time. Make sure they're happy, had a good breakfast, comfy, leave enough time for last minute wees, remind them which pocket their mini chocolate bar is, making sure they're warm enough,have time to say hello to their instructor (but not to fuss.....)

Take their sticks away if they don't need them

Then AFTER the lesson, be there before the lesson finishes, ready to help carry skis and maybe kids too, listen to hard luck stories, take them to do another wee.....

And, in my experience, sometimes best to whip them off to a familiar and nearby apartment where they have some favourite toys, can have lunch in the warm whilst still wearing their base layers, maybe watch a video or TV programme at least 2 years too young for them..... and slob out for a bit.

Sometimes, all that doesn't leave a lot of time for grownup skiing.

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Hear, hear! The single most important thing will be for everyone to go home at the end thinking it was a fantastic holiday and they want to go again next year. All your planning needs directing to that - and most definitely not to you getting in a bit of "proper" skiing yourself along the way; if that happens it is a bonus.

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Chances are, the OH is on other forums seeking advice on how to persuade an obsessive skier to spend the family holiday in hot climes, on a sandy beach.

As mentioned by a few, I think the key is working out how a skiing holiday would work for her. And that may not necessarily mean skiing. And the quickest way to put her off is by being too pushy about skiing (buying boots, fitness programmes etc). Essentially you're looking to go on a family holiday, and she'll no doubt want to be part of that.

You've already mentioned that she's more of a beach and cocktails kind of girl, so like @BobinCH mentioned, I would go high in April. Sitting outside a nice bar in a t-shirt/base layer overlooking the mountains with the suns rays warming your face while sipping a cold drink is just glorious. She'll be surprised how hot it can feel, yet still be surrounded by snow!

And as @Dave of the Marmottes mentions, then pick a resort that suits her other hobbies likes - shopping, walking, spas, meeting you for lunch... etc you will find a resort that fits her needs. Plus I'm sure she'll want to spend time with the kids playing in the snow, bit of sledging, building snowmen, snowball fights.

Going with another family always helps, especially if the two wives get on well already, and are also both new to skiing. They may encourage each other to 'give it a go for a giggle', and then find themselves genuinely enjoying the social side of lessons together, and then ultimately the skiing itself.

You know it makes sense.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

I am another very late starter (30). Nothing compared to folks on here but ten years later I’m the one taking girls’ ski trips while the OH focuses on his golf! I’m a passionate believer that mums can learn to love skiing Laughing

My advice: start off with a snowdome set of lessons so she has a bit of a feel for snow beneath her skis and a head start. I loved my first three hours at Milton Keynes of all places. Preferably during a quieter time. In resort, handful of Private lessons if you can. If you ski with her, it always worked for us that we would take it easy for a few runs and then I’d have a coffee break and he’d do some quick blasts on the steeps. Few more blues and a nice lunch! There were a few bumps, generally involving icy reds and whiteouts when I wasn’t quite ready for those things rolling eyes

so be steady would be my advice. Agree about sorting out the childcare/pick ups etc so she can focus on skiing. Also I visited several resorts in my first 5 years (did some work weekends too) but going back to the same resort and skiing the same runs has done wonders for my confidence in the longer term. It is really easy to see your progression (and the kids’ too). Decent gear if you can - decent goggles was a big game changer for me. Also going on holiday with friends or family initially, ideally with another late lady learner who wants to take things easy a bit, can just make it a bit more fun and have some good company.

A snowHead

@Skimum1, delighted it went so well for you. But skiing isn't for everybody - it can be uncomfortable and scary at times. I am also a sailor, and sailing is certainly not for everybody - I've always felt it's a bit like being pregnant. Really great if it's what you wanted (which it always was, with me) despite the discomforts and restrictions. But absolutely hideous to be subject to that against your will!

A snowHead

I agree with pam w, that skiing is not for everybody.

At one end, there are those who will love it, no matter what; at the other end, there will be those who hate it, no matter what....but it's the people in between these extremes who can be influenced either way.

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

My ex had zero interest in skiing or the mountains. I therefore had several ski trips with 3 or 4 children and had a great time. Used ski esprit and ski Olympic back in the 90's. My current partner doesn't ski but enjoys the snow and the mountains, so don't assume that your partner can be converted.

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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

@Handy Turnip, IME Lunges (Front and Side - and jumping if possible) are probably the single best exercise for helping with leg stiffness.....although it triggers DOMS when starting them (better at home, than on the mountain).

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I spent my 20s thinking skiing wasn’t for me and couldn’t see the point, I’d rather see some amazing sights and go somewhere hot. I stayed home and went to work while my husband went skiing in many fantastic places with zero interest! I have met plenty of other women with similar experiences along the way who only learned when their kids did. And also as someone who is not a natural and who has had a bumpy journey too. Fair enough it’s not for everyone, but that opinion can change with time, and also as the children start learning it’s another incentive to give it a shot if an annual ski holiday is on the cards. Hence I give my suggestions what worked for me (which is what I think the thread is about?)

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@Old Fartbag, yes totally agree - as a family we do daily lunges together in the month or so leading up to holiday. Mostly to get the kids excited about the build up to the holiday but it also gets the OH in a bit better shape too! And of course it helps me too, although thankfully those days of leg stiffness aren't too bad these days! Smile

After all it is free

Go to a resort that has heated boot dryers in a locker room at the bottom of the funicular. Funicular takes you to a lovely cafe with sun terrace. She'll do her lesson, get changed, go to cafe, you spend the day whizzing past stopping briefly to say hello/lunch. Everyone is happy.

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Budget? You may have to splash out
I Think for the first time, with kids in tow, and a wife who you want to enjoy her stay- definitely make sure
1. Good Child care..very important.
2. Nice place to stay, catered, hot tub and if possible a pool. Attractive resort.
3. Private lessons, with snow dome lessons before. Native English speaking instructors really help.
Hopefully she will love it, so you might covert her 100%. It would be a shame if she doesn’t. I think it’s a bit presumptuous to assume she will hate it once she gets there. Lots of feisty female snowheads (me included) would urge her to embrace the whole experience.
For sheer gorgeousness, many people would recommend the Dolomites.
If they are still in operation after Covid, take a look at these guys.

https://ski2champoluc.com/.. great service, their own ski school for adults and children, Italian hospitality, and grub. We were very impressed by the service and resort.
Very Happy

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Advice Needed - Reluctant Partner

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