 Poster: A snowHead
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So I'm going to put it out there, I have a wonderful wife who is really trying to make a ski trip work so that myself and our kids don't miss out.
So here we are, two parents in their early forties, with two girls aged 4 and 7, dad loves to ski, we both want kids to learn to ski, but mum doesn't get on with downhill skiing. Goodness knows she has tried, we have had group ski lessons, private lessons, even a week with Rob from InsideOut skiing, who was fabulous btw. Unfortunately nothing can crack her fear of losing control at speed. So last year it was snowshoeing which was a hit, this year it is cross country skiing with a week in La Tania Easter 2017.
I was just wondering though, are there any other families like us out there, because I really feel for my wife, I'd love her to have someone to hang out with that is in the same boat, she is doing so much for the rest of the family, I just feel I'd like to give something back.
So are there any of you out there? And have you booked for next year yet?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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| Quote: |
Unfortunately nothing can crack her fear of losing control at speed.
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Is it speed that's the problem, or is she generally very scared of falling? If so, I would be wary of XC skiing. It's very easy to fall over - I am a competent downhill skier, and rarely scared, but I struggle with XC. I enjoy it very much but I find it challenging. Beginners fall over on the flat and even a gentle gradient can look pretty scary on long, narrow, skis with no metal edges. Despite several weeks of lessons, over the years. If Mrs K does decide to try it, will she be taking lessons? Make sure it's classic, not skating.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Speed is the problem, technically wise she is good, but when she hits a certain speed she gets flustered. Yes, she definitely does want to take lessons. She just wants to do something with other people while we are skiing, so she doesn't get bored.
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@kosciosco, this probably is a bit daft but can't she just ski slowly? My father in law is 82 this year but has skied all his life. Nowadays he just trundles down blues and reds but slowly. Or much more slowly than he used to. On blues she could just ski down how the ski schools do, swishing from side to side at a speed she likes? No need to go zoomy.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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p.s. you can probably tell i'm a technical expert from my terminology.
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@kosciosco, an idea might be to try a company like Collett's which seem to emphasise the availability of activities such as snowshoeing alongside the skiing, so perhaps making it more likely that your wife would be in company of other(s). Of course they probably cannot predict with absolute accuracy whether they get such clients and even if they do, you don't know whether they would get along with your wife. But they may have a view or some ideas especially as they are also geared to other mountain activities such as walking in the summer. However, because you have school age children you may also find that the peak weeks available for school holidays tend to be a time when people book to specifically go skiing.
Wish you best of luck finding a solution. Perhaps try something specific like an entry under "snowshoeing" in the title in a different part of the forum as well?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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kosciosco I think I am in the same boat as you,
so I sympathise entirely with you.
My dear wife is quite an accomplished skier but over the years she has become frightened.
She ski's on 123cm ski's which are so easy to use, they I love to use them as well.
But the slightest wisp of the sight of a pole or marker at the side of the piste that is not blue her legs freeze and the complaints come out ...
"The Ski's are too fast!"
Whats the answer though?
She still likes the ski holiday though, so I treat her like the Queen she is.
I used to arrive at a ski location and rush to get to the slopes as quickly as possible, I've changed now though, the first day at a resort is given over to spending as much time and effort on pleasing her.
It pays dividends in a multitude of ways.
I don't think I can ever get my wife to enjoy her skiing as much as I do any more than want to play Bowls alongside her.
So we both take a few days lessons when we ski, she gets the added confidence of being way ahead of all the other beginners in her group.
So I would advise you to look for resorts that offer a great experience for the lady and forget the macho slopes and purpose built "ski stations" rather than the quaint resorts that offer an old fashioned experience.
Places that come to mind are Courmayer, not a wild apres ski town ... but lots of shopping and promenading in the evening.
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Perhaps it's not quite what you're saying, but I have occasionally come across married people who ski together. Maybe I don't notice the ones who have it dialled, but I can easily remember the others. When they have different ability levels, it's invariably a disaster for all concerned, with ego and testosterone and all sorts of bitter stuff in the mix. Those people simply should not ride together. It's like married people trying to teach each other to drive.
Persuade her to go away with a bunch of women and see if they can't work out out?
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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@kosciosco, same boat as you. Me and my 8 year old son ski; my wife did try with private lessons but is basically too terrified. Frightened of the slightest slope, speed in excess of walking speed, other people coming down etc. I think she's given up now. She may give cross country a go but says she doesn't want to be out in the woods alone either. That said, she's pretty happy to spend time chilling out and being in a mountain environment. I do a lot of research on the resort, restaurants/cafes, and accommodation to make sure we can all meet up at lunch and for coffee. So ski-in-ski-out rather than bus and gondola.
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can you book a couple of days doing things not on the slopes like spa days, horse riding, paragliding, walking etc etc... get the children in ski school and have a few days on the slopes yourself.
Make it a holiday for your wife too. She sounds like a wonderful woman making that much effort to please you and your children.
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You know it makes sense.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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@kosciosco, I am with you & it does make things difficult until everyone accepts that she actually does enjoy reading a book, going to spa or shops ect. We do make more of the evenings, the skiers sometimes feel like just crashing out but have to make the effort to do things in the evening & a bad weather day is not the end of the world as it gives us time to do things together....
In saying that Wife went into the alps thing with her eyes wide open, knowing she could not ski & in the knowledge that she would most like not like it even if she tried. She rules summer I rule winter.
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Poster: A snowHead
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So here`s my long winded take, from the point of view of a nervous skier, some years down the line from the ladies discussed above!
I love being in the mountains, I love being on skis, I love doing my own thing at my gentle pace, and stopping frequently.
I hate ice, I hate crowded runs, I hate going at anyone's pace but my own! Maybe I could have concentrated on getting myself over my nerves years ago but I didn`t nor do I regret it. I am where I am and am content, if my husband had tried to push me we would probably have been divorced! Instead we found our way, wouldn`t be for everyone but it worked for us
We wanted our 3 sons to learn to ski so for many years we took the caravan and I had to accept finding ways of being comfortable on the mountain all day as few sites are ski in/out. Or when the boys were a bit older I accepted driving myself part way through the day (leaving the others up the mountain) back to the site from the bottom of ski lifts or taking the navette etc sometimes with one or two tired little ones in tow. We tried to find sites with a pool and locations with ice skating and/or places of interest to visit near by.
Ski in/out is what I now look for, preferably with pool etc as part of the complex, but alternatively an easy drive for me to get to something interesting. We usually have a elderly relative with us these days and if one or more of our sons takes his partner the extra company is nice. I love cooking and enjoy the challenge of self catering using local produce where possible. The internet is a welcome bonus.
On the mountain I always skied with a paperback in my pocket (now my kindle) and if conditions or slopes were not to my liking we would find a bar/restaurant and I would read and watch the world go by (sometimes with one small tired child too) whilst my husband and sons skied as quickly as they liked wherever they liked! In return the holidays were viewed as a winter holiday and we always took time out to do other things! And ski days got got cut short with good grace if conditions were poor and Mum was really having a bad day   Until they were well into their teens the boys were always eager to have the odd day off skiing and go exploring. Once they had the energy after a day on the slopes they loved to go ice skating etc in the early evening, and from being tiny always loved to swim apres ski!
Now the boys are in their 20`s, they came skiing with us last year (as they do most years) and spent some considerable time in the early part of the week making sure I was comfortable on the runs I wanted to do, reminding me to ski properly on 'modern' skis and with the appropriate technique (I first learnt to ski back in the days of lace up boots and revert to bad habits when scared ) I feel so very proud when one of them skis backwards encouraging me on bits I don`t like  I mention my pride because many Mums, and Dads I guess, will engage in activities which they believe will benefit their offspring even though they are not keen on it themselves. There is a lot of pleasure in watching your children achieve what you know you never will.
We met for lunch most days, unless they had gone off piste and/or were too far away. Late afternoons and evenings were pure family time which is such a privilege these days, with our sons dispersed all over the world. The saying families that play together, stay together has some truth in it!
The times I have spent miserable on a mountainside are nothing compared to the sheer joy of watching our sons learn and become very competent skiers. The bonus has been the times I have enjoyed skiing, that day when the snow has fallen overnight, when the sun has come out, when the slopes are empty and the runs familiar, when there is no sound but the occasional bird song ........
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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| philwig wrote: |
Perhaps it's not quite what you're saying, but I have occasionally come across married people who ski together. Maybe I don't notice the ones who have it dialled, but I can easily remember the others. When they have different ability levels, it's invariably a disaster for all concerned, with ego and testosterone and all sorts of bitter stuff in the mix. Those people simply should not ride together. It's like married people trying to teach each other to drive.
Persuade her to go away with a bunch of women and see if they can't work out out? |
Not necessarily, if both parties employ some give and take. I skill with much more confidence, notice I didn't say skill, than my wife. We generally ski together for the morning at her pace, then I get the nod to "go have some fun". Sometimes she needs a little push to reminder her she can ski harder runs when she tries, but I know when to stop pushing my luck. The one thing that does frustrate me hugely though is her constant faffing adjusting her boots for the first hour.
This year our 21yr old daughter is coming with us and she's only skied once before. She'll be taking lessons for the first 3 morning and I expect the wife will spend the afternoons with her. That'll give me and our 8yr old son the opportunity to go for a blast exploring the runs at twice the pace. Just to check what runs the wife and daughter might be interested in doing later in the week of course. 
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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| Ravelin wrote: |
| philwig wrote: |
Perhaps it's not quite what you're saying, but I have occasionally come across married people who ski together. Maybe I don't notice the ones who have it dialled, but I can easily remember the others. When they have different ability levels, it's invariably a disaster for all concerned, with ego and testosterone and all sorts of bitter stuff in the mix. Those people simply should not ride together. It's like married people trying to teach each other to drive.
Persuade her to go away with a bunch of women and see if they can't work out out? |
Not necessarily, if both parties employ some give and take. I skill with much more confidence, notice I didn't say skill, than my wife. We generally ski together for the morning at her pace, then I get the nod to "go have some fun". Sometimes she needs a little push to reminder her she can ski harder runs when she tries, but I know when to stop pushing my luck. The one thing that does frustrate me hugely though is her constant faffing adjusting her boots for the first hour.
This year our 21yr old daughter is coming with us and she's only skied once before. She'll be taking lessons for the first 3 morning and I expect the wife will spend the afternoons with her. That'll give me and our 8yr old son the opportunity to go for a blast exploring the runs at twice the pace. Just to check what runs the wife and daughter might be interested in doing later in the week of course. |
The good Lady Fartbag has two settings...Full On and Stop. When she skis with an instructor or with other people, it's the former....but when we ski together it's often the latter. It has me baffled as to how someone can be so good/confident one day and unable to ski the next (though it's probably my fault)....but there are many aspects to the good Lady Fartbag that have me baffled!
When in Stenmark mode, there is nobody I'd rather ski with.
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@kosciosco, Although not lacking in confidence, I don't ski at the same speed as my OH or my kids, but that doesn't mean we can't spend days together on skis. Drop the kids off at ski school, and spend a morning with your good lady, cruise the blues, stop for lots of hot chocolate, vin chaud etc. Pick the places with the nicest views and sunshine.
If you really can't get her on the planks, pick resorts with easy access to mountain restaurants to join you for lunch or apres.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Get a mistress to ski with
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This is a very interesting thread with lots of great insights!
My first ski holiday was in 2013, and I'm hooked - we've been every year since and have booked for January. I absolutely love it. However, I tend to panic when I get to a certain speed (perception of loss of control) and am therefore pretty slow for my level of ability, which has become more noticeable now that I've had a few weeks on snow, several lessons, and might be expected to be faster in accordance with my improved technique. But I'm more than happy pootling along enjoying the scenery and the general feeling of skiing. There is the odd stressful moment - I'm not fond of crowded slopes (I get told by instructors to stop worrying about what's going on behind me, which is partly a consequence of my slowness as I'm aware that a lot of people are wanting to overtake me!). I don't like the combination of narrow and steep, especially when other people are around. But these are far outweighed by the enjoyment.
My partner never pressures me, but does ask sometimes, 'Wouldn't you find it more fun/exciting if you skied a bit faster?' Who knows? I have a great time anyway, so it's hard to say our ski days contain a mixture of going down slopes together, taking alternative routes down and meeting at a lift/café at the bottom, or sometimes doing our own thing (I might have a lesson while he finds some off-piste). It's great skiing/boarding together, but if that was all we did, he'd get bored having to wait for me/stick on-piste, etc. and I'd feel pressured because I'd know he was having to hold back for me, so the mix works well for us as we can both get the most out of our holiday. Whatever we're doing, we'll meet up at various times throughout the day, e.g. always for lunch, so I never feel that we aren't spending much time together.
I may be different from some in that I am happy skiing on my own, and also skiing long days (although I always have a Kindle book downloaded to my phone, in case a nice long café stop is required - can really help if you have just had a stressful run!). But I think the principle of being able to relax, enjoy yourself and not worry if you're not as fast, etc. as others is the same for everyone. I hope the OP's wife can find something in the mountains that she really enjoys, even if this isn't downhill skiing, or any kind of skiing at all. Whatever she ends up doing, she should definitely feel reassured that she is not the only slowcoach on the slopes 
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| kosciosco wrote: |
| Speed is the problem, technically wise she is good, but when she hits a certain speed she gets flustered. Yes, she definitely does want to take lessons. She just wants to do something with other people while we are skiing, so she doesn't get bored. |
Im guessing you are hoping to find a similar family to pair up with on trips? If so I'd suggesting asking your kids which friends they'd like to go with, in my experience the situation you are in is pretty common, of the 14 couples in our group only two contain commited skier wives (one being me!) so id say the odds would be in your favour.
Aj x
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Leave the wife at home.
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FAQ
My wife can ski perfectly well in the morning, stop for a coffee, and then lose all confidence when returning to the slopes. Even more infuriating is sitting on the first lift of the morning and she hears some ice below us, followed by, "I'm going to be really s*** today" 
