 Poster: A snowHead
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Ok
My partner is suffering major confidence issues.
We are both VERY new skiers only week tuiton in resort and a 2hour private last week in scotland, but after about 20minutes you could see her turn white with fear, She took a bad tumble on the penultimate day in resort and i feel that the confidence has gone out of her.
Neither of us a slim-jims and she has a fear that our 'bigger' size will cause some serious damage if she tumbles, (my opinion ive got insurance for that lol)
But really, just wondering if you guys have been in similar situation and what sort of way i should take it next, She says the party line "i dont mind if you go skiing I can relax in resort" (or even go solo) but that is not the point to me, It would be nice to both be at similar ability ( i dont mind slowing / staying on easier slopes) but not really sure where to go next.
Do I just book us both individual private lessons in scotland so she can go back right to start and build her confidence up, or Do i book some "never before skied lessons" in resort, or would you accept that its not for her (putting yourself in her shoes).
really just want to bounce this off peeps and see if people have had similar problems with partners / themselves etc
Thanks in advance
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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I would book her in a beginner group again. She might gain confidence from having some advantage over the other pupils in the group and I think the camaraderie of group lessons can useful for nervous skiers. People tend to be braver around strangers so it might be useful for you to take some lessons in separate groups for a few mornings then meet up to ski in the afternoon.
The other option would be to find a really good instructor who specializes in nervous skiers and booking private lessons with them
I love skiing in Scotland but it can be tough, the slopes are often less uniform and not groomed as fiercely as in much of the alps, the drag lifts are more tiring than chairlifts and the weather can often be fiercer. A lot of people say if you can ski in Scotland you can ski anywhere and there is some truth in this 
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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A lot of people say if you can ski in Scotland you can ski anywhere and there is some truth in this
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LOL exact line the instructor we had over weekend said lol....
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SlipSki, depends on whether really 'wants' to be able to ski or not? I had no confidence either it took me a long time until I really relaxed and even now, 18 weeks later, I'm still fairly nervous at times. But I was very determined to crack it as I love the mountains and all that goes with it, as a family it's the best way to holiday and we all love it, definately keep having lessons, privately if you can afford it or even in a group, I found having someone more nervous than me gave me confidence!
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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I found having someone more nervous than me gave me confidence!
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+1 I did some of my best ever skiing in this situation.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
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reading into your OP you would both benefit by losing weight and getting fitter and stronger. I'm no fitness freak these days but have decent core strength. When I lose weight before skiing my skiing is so much better. Stamina improves, balance and speed of reaction improve and so does confidence.
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SlipSki, while losing weight will help you be comfortable at any sport I see no reason why you can't ski quite happily at whatever size you are just now. I would also concentrate on fitness over size so try and go for lots of long walks before your next skiing holiday, hills are great if you are near any and go out on a bike if you have one. If you want to up the pace a bit more look at something like Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 or 30 day shred which you will find for free on youtube, she gives beginner options for every exercise and just do what you can. Swimming is also great for overall fitness and has the bonus of being easy on the joints.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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I've skiied a wee bit and , this year, for my wife's first ever time on planks we're going to Alpbach - while rather limiting for me but she will be in one of the most beautifull places in the alps. I've booked the ski school for the mornings only (first three days) so it won't too intensive and she'll have that amazing vista which will help motivate her, perhaps a bit more than Scotland might.
After three days, I'll let her have a day off - rest her legs, mooch around the shops and then she'll ski with me for the next few days and we'll potter about together - in Alpine heaven.
Next year we'll go a bit tougher, she'll still have instruction (as will I) and then we'll get more mobile - the next year, she'll still have instruction (as will I) and we'll start ripping the place apart.
Play the long game my friend.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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I think you need to find a nice ski resort with gentle slopes and invest in a couple of private lessons for her with an identified instructor who is known for helping nervous skiers. Make it plain when you book and book well in advance after doing some research. Maybe go to a resort with native english speaking ski schools and ask them specifically for someone who is good with nervous skiers. That's not to say that French, Italian or German speaking instructors aren't good with nervy skiers, but she may feel more reassured by someone she can chat to without there being any language barrier.Take a trip in low season when the pistes are quieter too-but possibly avoid late season, as skiing in slush can be a killer. If you take private lessons and you are unfit, perhaps no more than a 2 hour lesson would be right for each session. 3 hours can lead to serious thigh burn by the end!
Also-how about the safety and security of an indoor snowdome. The bonus (I speak as a scared skier myself in years gone by), is that you don't have the butterflies in your stomach about "ooh eck...is the instructor going to take me up that chairlift?... what's at the top?.... is it going to be steep? ..OMG I can't go down there.." as you can see the entirety of the slope from the moment you get there!
From my own experience, I found ski school scarier, as I was constantly worrying about whether the lesson would be at my pace. I didn't feel braver in group lessons, as it was harder to ask questions and impossible to express my fears.
Did a quick google and this may be the sort of thing she might find reassuring http://www.skigoddess.co.uk/index.php - a women only ski instructor admittedly, but maybe that's what she needs. I have a feeling fellow snowheads may be able to speak from personal experience as I think I have seen her recommended on this site.
I do hope she doesn't give up. I was nervy for a long time, but loved the mountains, then had a career break, did a season and am a total ski addict!
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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| lynseyf wrote: |
| A lot of people say if you can ski in Scotland you can ski anywhere and there is some truth in this |
When a guy on the t-bar the other day brought this up he almost seemed offended when I said that people seem to apply this statement to literally everything. Scottish people in general seem proud of how "bad" they have it.
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After three days, I'll let her have a day off - rest her legs, mooch around the shops and then she'll ski with me for the next few days
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and people wonder why their partners don't want to go on ski holidays with them?
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You know it makes sense.
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Scottish people in general seem proud of how "bad" they have it.
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We just pretend it's bad in attempt to keep the Sassenachs out 
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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AsterixTG, Err..........don't you think there could be a chance that she will want to plan her own days and might not want to waste a day mooching?
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Poster: A snowHead
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Calling SH's; isn't Easiski often recommended as someone that is good with nervous skiers? Do they still do the special week there for nervous skiers? It might help the OP.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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I always figured the extra padding was helping protect me SlipSki, I was 15 1/2 at my heaviest and the biggest issues I had were fitness (tired legs) and boot fit (feet hurt from extra pressure). I lost 2 stone and it was enough to help a lot with both issues, but as I'm now more adventurous I hit the deck more often, so wouldn't worry about size meaning falling. I would suggest losing weight will make it easier though as you don't get so tired, so def worthwhile. If you are REALLY big then the other problem is getting up, you might need to provide a bit of help with that, which is fine till you both fall 
Pick an easy resort, pick a smaller ski school with a great reputation and take another beginners class and I think all will be well. If she would prefer it I also like private lessons in the afternoon - you can have an indulgent lie in and yet still get your lessons, works well if fitness is a big issue. Don't forget to keep taking lessons yourself too, the better you are, the more confidence she will have in you, and the more you'll be able to help physically when required with getting up/fetching lost bits/checking routes/stopping in wierd places/quickly etc.
Also note it's better to not ski together, than to ski with a visibly impatient partner, which just makes it worse. If you can't hide your impatience for long make sure you limit your combined ski time
aj xx
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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| Megamum wrote: |
| AsterixTG, Err..........don't you think there could be a chance that she will want to plan her own days and might not want to waste a day mooching? |
Her initial idea was to have a lesson for an hour, then have a day off, maybe have another morning, then another day off, etc...
To get her into the idea of having three mornings of instruction has taken some persuation. She doesn't 'get it' and I'm pushing gently - Long game here.
I'll be with her in the afternoons, lots of heiss chocolate, and more instruction.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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| Quote: |
Also note it's better to not ski together, than to ski with a visibly impatient partner, which just makes it worse.
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Yes, this really isn't good. If you are a stronger skier, stay behind, then you can help her up if necessary and let her set the pace. Meanwhile there are loads of great drills and exercises you can do (e.g. skiing on one leg) at slow speeds.
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| AsterixTG wrote: |
| Megamum wrote: |
| AsterixTG, Err..........don't you think there could be a chance that she will want to plan her own days and might not want to waste a day mooching? |
Her initial idea was to have a lesson for an hour, then have a day off, maybe have another morning, then another day off, etc...
To get her into the idea of having three mornings of instruction has taken some persuation. She doesn't 'get it' and I'm pushing gently - Long game here.
I'll be with her in the afternoons, lots of heiss chocolate, and more instruction. |
Have you tried beating her?........no too extreme......I know, threaten her with cutting off her allowance.
How about rolling with what she is comfortable with doing and seeing how it goes?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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One suggestion, AsterixTG, is that you spend this first holiday learning snowboarding. that will level the playing field a bit.
For a complete beginner three mornings of ski school isn't enough. It's much better to do the full week, but preferably in a small group (big groups can be pretty hopeless). You spend the mornings learning to snowboard, remembering what it's like to be a beginner, being scared of lifts, and you can potter around in the afternoon together, practising, if you're not too exhausted. Or maybe do some walking, snowshoeing etc.
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| jirac18 wrote: |
| AsterixTG wrote: |
| Megamum wrote: |
| AsterixTG, Err..........don't you think there could be a chance that she will want to plan her own days and might not want to waste a day mooching? |
Her initial idea was to have a lesson for an hour, then have a day off, maybe have another morning, then another day off, etc...
To get her into the idea of having three mornings of instruction has taken some persuation. She doesn't 'get it' and I'm pushing gently - Long game here.
I'll be with her in the afternoons, lots of heiss chocolate, and more instruction. |
Have you tried beating her?........no too extreme......I know, threaten her with cutting off her allowance.
How about rolling with what she is comfortable with doing and seeing how it goes? |
Rest assured she'll be fine - while, tough, I'll keep the beatings to a minimum - only when she really deserves it.
I was planning to go down the softly, softly route, but now you've made me think.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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AsterixTG, 
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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| pam w wrote: |
One suggestion, AsterixTG, is that you spend this first holiday learning snowboarding. that will level the playing field a bit.
For a complete beginner three mornings of ski school isn't enough. It's much better to do the full week, but preferably in a small group (big groups can be pretty hopeless). You spend the mornings learning to snowboard, remembering what it's like to be a beginner, being scared of lifts, and you can potter around in the afternoon together, practising, if you're not too exhausted. Or maybe do some walking, snowshoeing etc. |
Trust me - I'm with you.
I had intensive instruction from the start - I know how it works.
I can't pressure her right now.
I'm thinking about extending the instruction with private, 1-2-1, money isn't really an option but if she feels 'expected' - wow it's tough to explain.#
OK - you're an ex-racer, instructor and your wife has never skied before - what do you do without scaring her. She's pretty athletic, has rythym, has balance.
What do you do?
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OK - you're an ex-racer, instructor and your wife has never skied before - what do you do without scaring her. She's pretty athletic, has rythym, has balance.
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she might do best learning without you anywhere around, given your advanced abilities. Do you have any really good looking mates who could teach her?
You can probably snowboard already, but if not, why not give it a go - she'd probably enjoy watching you struggling to master a new skill, alongside her. You'd no doubt pick it up in record short time, but the first few days would still be painful (for you, not here).
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You know it makes sense.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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| pam w wrote: |
| Quote: |
After three days, I'll let her have a day off - rest her legs, mooch around the shops and then she'll ski with me for the next few days
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and people wonder why their partners don't want to go on ski holidays with them? |
Quite! If men were more patient in the first few weeks, it would pay dividends later... My techinique is bad from constantly trying to keep up on any run, every run and off piste when you don't want it. If you want to 'let her' do something, take her on a route, wait for her at any junctions, don't shout (lol) - at the end of the day, show her where you've been in the map and let her lead the next day but follow close behind so she learns the mountain but still feels safe. Third day, do the sane route together and then confidence is there for the last days of your holidays, enjoy!
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Poster: A snowHead
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seriously I only wanted to say this once!
Last edited by Poster: A snowHead on Wed 22-01-14 23:50; edited 1 time in total
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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| AsterixTG wrote: |
OK - you're an ex-racer, instructor and your wife has never skied before - what do you do without scaring her. She's pretty athletic, has rythym, has balance.
What do you do? |
Tell her you want to teach her, but if you step over the mark she can fire you and post it on here.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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I doubt that people are any more scared than I was when I first started. I remember not wanting to get on my first ski lift for fear of what I would find at the top (not to mention the thought of being that far up from the ground in the first place), The pure fear of being at the top of the nursery slope. Anyone in the same situation needs to know that what they are feeling is not unique. I didn't realise that others also went through what I was feeling and I've certainly seen many postings on SH's from people in a similar situation. Not everyone solves it in the same way, but I think many do as I did. My solution was slightly unconventional - I went on a SH bash! A more traditional approach is a good instructor, but don't underestimate finding a nice safe green run that a nervous skier can loop easily in a lift and just leave them to do their own thing for a few hours once they can negotiate it reasonably safely.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Double post
Last edited by You need to Login to know who's really who. on Thu 23-01-14 9:26; edited 1 time in total
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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triple post 
Last edited by Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do. on Wed 22-01-14 23:50; edited 1 time in total
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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double post
Last edited by You'll need to Register first of course. on Wed 22-01-14 23:49; edited 1 time in total
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| mag1882 wrote: |
| lynseyf wrote: |
| A lot of people say if you can ski in Scotland you can ski anywhere and there is some truth in this |
When a guy on the t-bar the other day brought this up he almost seemed offended when I said that people seem to apply this statement to literally everything. Scottish people in general seem proud of how "bad" they have it. |
it's not bad, it's just not as easy as the alps so can be more challenging for beginners. I've had some of my best days ever skiing in Scotland and still take my skis when I go back to visit at Christmas or Easter, the scenery is stunning as well if you get a nice clear day. The runs are generally more challenging due to being less uniform, they aren't as fussed with grooming so blues and even green runs can be unpisted and drag lifts are much more tiring than getting a nice 10 minute seat in between each run. I didn't mean Scotland was bad at all it's just not for jessies
I do love the way some guys talk about their female partners, they seem to view them as children, lots of "letting" them do something, appropriate breaks and of what course what lady could resist sitting in a pool for a week until she turns into a raisin, yes spas are just irresistible to us girls!
AsterixTG, I agree with Pam, if I was your partner I wouldn't want you anywhere around when I was learning to ski, skiing with other beginners is fun, skiing with people who just want to help you get better is generally not.
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To answer a bunch of answeres -
pam w, I can already board way above - basic
Thornyhill, I'm vith you. I'm going to help her in the afternoons' I'm a damn good teacher.
julietp, I love my wife, as we do hehe, I've promised her to be the most patient I've ever been - I'm investing a lot here - I wan't her to have the the most amzing ski holiday. I know where I wanted to go, we're going to Alpbach...
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| Quote: |
I'm a damn good teacher.
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AsterixTG, That might well be the case, but I've often seen it written that trying to teach a partner is fraught with problems and I know first hand that it can sometimes be frustrating to be the learner under such conditions.
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| AsterixTG wrote: |
Thornyhill, I'm vith you. I'm going to help her in the afternoons' I'm a damn good teacher.
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You need to forget that she is married (to you) and treat her the way any good instructor treats single ladies......erm....OK - I'll stop now 
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FAQ
We have developed a way of enjoying skiing together enjoyably and grow a pair is not part of it! I learned my lesson very quickly on that!! 
