 Poster: A snowHead
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@RichardB,
I'm 6'4" and I must look like a big cuddly granddad type because an instructor will always give me a tiny one to take up.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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If all the lifts are closed because of high winds, decide to go for you a nice hike with you brother without any hiking equipment. Almost die when the weather closes in.
Cervinia circa 2003
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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I see your problem @Mollerski, . I refuse to go on with anyone else. Hubby regretted going on one with our son who decided to follow him off, the same direction, at dismount. Straight across his skis. He fell. Hurt his knee. Didn’t laugh!!
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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On a powder day get your helmet on first clip your goggles on and scramble to the lift to bagsy your place. Spend 30 mins doing warm up stretches and bantering like you are some kind of rad skier. Get on chair and pull your goggles down to find they are upside down.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Everyone has videos of them skiing gnarly stuff on big storm days. It's far more interesting to turn the camera on when you reach the bottom and record the lift ride, only turning it off at the top just before you ski. If you're doing a whole season make sure you do this on the day of 60cm of snow overnight, the lift chat will be rad!
If you are skiing in a big group when you get to an alpine restaurant or apres ski bar make sure you only send one volunteer to the self service or bar to get everyone's drinks. It's very easy to carry an overloaded tray of overfull drinks in ski boots on slippery tiles.
If you've ever done a season and are skiing with people who haven't, make sure you start every sentence with "On my season". Both the people you are skiing with, and the chalet staff, like to be reminded that you aren't just a regular punter. Especially if you're in the same resort.
Having exactly the right goggles on at any given point is extremely important. On mixed condition days stop to change your lenses at the top of every lift. Bonus points if your goggles are a bit old and changing the lenses takes longer than skiing the next run.
Always buy pro model skis. There's a chance people might think you are the pro in question, and buy you drinks / take you to bed.
If you break any item of equipment the reason that it broke was that you hadn't spent enough money on it. Rectify this with its replacement.
If your mate has "basically the same size feet" you definitely can swap skis for a run without touching the bindings, and it definitely won't end badly.
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In foul weather always listen to your kids - they know exactly which chair lifts their ski school group has been on during lessons. Until half way up when they decide it wasn't this lift after all, it was that one over there, because this one only goes to a horrible black run back down - which you already knew but assumed the kids knew something you didn't.
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Always wear your ABS bag and have your beacon visible and powered on, even if skiing on a strip of artificial snow / ice in a green landscape. Punters will be impressed by your professionalism and give you a wide berth. Some will ask what ABS stands for and make big eyes when you tell them.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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As an aging total beginner, who has only ever skied in a snow dome; tell the skiing forum which you’ve just joined, you intend to ski down Marmolada at the end of your first week on the mountains. 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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If you enjoy skiing holidays, hate skiing, but still want to have Street Cred while in resort...here is what to do:
- Watch Eurosport to get a collection of Buzz Words....Nick Fellows really knows his stuff. 
- Get a cheap(ish) Norwegian Team Jacket/Pants from TK Maxx...nobody will worry or care if it's from 5 years ago.
- Hire some 218 D/Hill skis, with fancy Boots. This has the added advantage, that your skis will now be easy to spot amongst the forest of others.
- March about at the bottom of the slopes, with the skis over your shoulder, muttering about race practice and getting your ramp angles correct.
- Ride the bubble to the top, regaling the other passengers with stories of your exploits; the importance of "Long Levers", skiing with "Soft Ankles" and "Digging Deep"....and how you are married to a Norwegian, so can ski for Norway.
- At the top, go to the nearby restaurant, sit in a prominent position drinking an expresso, with your feet on the table - and when you have an unwitting audience....get your phone out and have an imaginary conversation with a team colleague. Throw in words like Stivot, Schmear, Early Pressure and Under-Gate.
- Having cleverly brought up a bandage and some fake blood - go to the Gents and apply both. You now have the perfect excuse to ride the Bubble back down again, while telling your fellow passengers about your "Training Accident".
- The one thing you never must do, is be seen actually skiing.
Last edited by snowHeads are a friendly bunch. on Wed 19-01-22 11:56; edited 5 times in total
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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If the gents toliets are busy up on the mountain, take the opportunity to release your inner artist and created glorious wee wee angels over users ski's, poles and jackets hung on the back of restaurant chairs, it seemed to work for a few French handbag dogs I saw and if you sit your kids at the entrance with a cloth cap you may earn a few euros too.
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Save money by buying ski boots for children in the end of season clearouts, they fit then, of course they are going to fit in 9 months time.
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You know it makes sense.
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@Awdbugga, more sHs gold! (particularly jjams82's comment to you when he met you on the bash). 
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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@ster, sounds like you've been rifling through the Clan Sideways strategic boot repository cupboard...
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Poster: A snowHead
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An ice axe, airbag, snow-snorkel, 15-20m of climbing rope, harness and selection of caribenas are all ESSENTIAL items for cruisy blues in April. #SafetyFirstLastAlways
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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| Richard_Sideways wrote: |
| An ice axe, airbag, snow-snorkel, 15-20m of climbing rope, harness and selection of caribenas are all ESSENTIAL items for cruisy blues in April. #SafetyFirstLastAlways |
I think the term prepared for everything applies here, or just paranoid, whatever comes first!
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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@Mollerski, Try the 2.3Km t-bar on the glacier in Sass Fee. When you have an uber-keen 7 year old who always wants to go with Daddy. 12 minutes feels like 30 with a t-bar at knee height.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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At the top of an icy mogul field send your 10 year old down first to test the conditions. When they fall at the third bump make sure to take your skis off before venturing onto the slope to rescue them, because ski boots have much more grip on ice than ski edges. As you accelerate down the hill on your backside bouncing ever higher off each succeeding bump their amusement will more than make up for the embarrassment of their fall.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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It's easy to make your own adjustable poles from fixed length hire ones. just leave one pole dangling below the chair as you dismount. The sandwich created by mountain, ski pole and chair underside conveniently bends the pole at the impact point you then simply ask the lifty to fix bent pole. He will obligingly snap the bent end off.
On returning hire poles at end of trip get ski buddies to distract the hire shop guy whilst you sneak behind and hang poles on the rack without him seeing.
Also, when getting on the first chair of the morning make sure your boots are clipped in to your skis. Leaving your skis behind proves sub-optimal when you get off the chair.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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At the run off from a chairlift, the sign that says 'NO STOPPING" clearly doesn't mean 'you', so feel free to congregate in front of this sign. Anyone shouting at you from a sedentary position on the ascending chairs is probably shouting congratulations/encouragement.
Linked to this, if you're a nervous skier, and it is the first lift up of the week (a VERY expensive half term week), and you see a group of upstanding people who the 'NO STOPPING' sign doesn't apply, go into a massive snowlplough on the run off (making sure that your chair is at full capacity first) so someone knocks you over resulting in a ruptured ACL. 
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| Quote: |
the sign that says 'NO STOPPING" clearly doesn't mean 'you',
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Indeed, such signage does not apply when theres a good selfie/Insta-moment opportunity, such as the top of Col in VT, where you can capture lasting memories while hilariously re-enacting the police car pileup from The Blues Brothers with a chairlift full of people.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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@Timmycb5, I was going to say how I love that this thread has turned into true stories - until I read your post. 
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@Old Fartbag, congrats on the thread! 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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Always carry your ski poles horizontally, especially when ascending stairs, so that the tips are at eye level of the person behind, and ensure that you swing them vigorously.
In similar vein, when carrying skis on your shoulder try to decapitate as many others as possible in order to ensure quieter slopes.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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When carrying a rucksack on a chair lift with slatted seats always make sure that at least one of the loose buckles gets caught between the slats.
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| Hurtle wrote: |
| @Old Fartbag, congrats on the thread! |
I brought the lump of clay....but you shaped it.
Joint credit, I think.
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You know it makes sense.
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When suffering a hangover, and rushing to get kitted up for a days skiing, whilst your mates are outside your apartment shouting for you to hurry up. In your haste, you pull on a pair of your wife's knickers by mistake. Once on the first drag lift of the day, do not try and adjust your garrotted plums, due to wife's Alan's. Coz you will fall off said drag. Posting for a friend. 
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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| Hurtle wrote: |
| @Timmycb5, I was going to say how I love that this thread has turned into true stories - until I read your post. |
It has a happy ending. The following year, my wife was adamant she was never going to ski again, so booked herself into a snowshoeing class. Walking like John Wayne with tennis raquets strapped to her feet in knee deep snow, resulted in her going to the ski hire shop the next morning and renting some skis and boots. She's a better skier now than she ever has been and loves it.
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Poster: A snowHead
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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@AL9000, watched a guy do this in Whistler in 1996 - we were standing at the top and were rather worried that he might not have survived when he eventually reached the bottom, but he started moving, so we picked up the dad's skis, skied down to the kid and shepherded him down to his dad.....
Last edited by Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see? on Wed 19-01-22 12:35; edited 2 times in total
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Trying to grab a drag lift in a hurry will inevitably result in a ski pole caught between knackers and lift pole - always wait for the next one.
(made a mistake there - that's actually a useful tip  )
Last edited by You need to Login to know who's really who. on Wed 19-01-22 12:34; edited 1 time in total
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Sit on the ski lift with my trousers' straps dangling on the back.
Getting pulled back by the lift as I try to get off.
Learning the valuable lesson at the cost of ski trousers.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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When the group has agreed it's time to go, proceed to visit *every* toilet you see: apartment, bus station, bottom lift station, top lift station. When you meet up with the rest of the group who have stomped off to do some bleedin' skiing, ask them "Where did you go?".
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Go out in the evening, blizzard conditions, in standard London out out clothes. Leather shoes, jeans, bomber jacket.
Then try and get up the slope to Dick's Tea Bar in -16 degrees.
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When packing for a ski trip remember to save weight by not packing any undercrackers. The pair you will be wearing when you leave home are perfectly adequate for a 4 day ski trip.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| Paul33 wrote: |
| When the group has agreed it's time to go, proceed to visit *every* toilet you see: apartment, bus station, bottom lift station, top lift station. When you meet up with the rest of the group who have stomped off to do some bleedin' skiing, ask them "Where did you go?". |
Are you my wife?
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| Yoda wrote: |
| When carrying a rucksack on a chair lift with slatted seats always make sure that at least one of the loose buckles gets caught between the slats. |
Or catching loose straps anywhere in the lift seat having decide it was ok to keep rucksack on and watching husband being lifted off the ground still attached to rucksack and lift to only just drop to the ground before making a very scary trip down the lift. Then having to wait eleventybillon minutes for the rucksack to travel down and back up the painfully slow Aiguille Percee lift in Tignes while your friends, onlookers first grimace then decide it is ok to point and laugh.
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FAQ
