Who invented skiing?

A snowHead

Dear Emily,
I trust you are well.
This years Alpine expedition was to Australia.
Yes I know it was meant to be to Austria but the stupid prat son of mine, Nigel, made a fundamental error by employing an equally cloth eared travel agent.

I discovered Australia lacks two off the most important things for the ascent of a snowy mountain, a mountain and snow.

You do have to admire the Antipodeans, they have stuck with skiing despite the lack of all the necessary requirements.

With an excess of time on my hands and no mountain to conquer I had endless time to wonder who was the devilishly clever chap who invented skiing? Time also enabled me to find the answer.

Austria(no L) has two suspicious characters laying claim to its invention; Matthias Zdarsky and Fraz Reisch the mayor of Kitzbutel in 1893. The Americans even try to convince us "snow-shoe Thompson" a Californian postman (1856) had something to do with it. I believe these claims led to the outbreak of war between the republic of California and Austria around 1895. The Californians launched a flotilla to attack Austria but returned 6 months later having realised they had consulted Nigels travel agent.

The Austrian's displaying their rigid war planning instituted an audacious long term plan which involved the destruction of California's economy by encouraging film-making then unleashing their best actor to overtake the system, sadly they had not counted on the arrival of Mr Bradley Pitt who has single handedly destroyed more movies than their plant Mr Arnold Swchazannager. But they had learnt their lesson from the Austro- prussian conflicts and were able to adapt moving Mr Moofies into politics. No doubt they will prevail.
I digress.

Skiing was invented in Scandinavia by one of two Saarrrmi reindeer herders, Bjorborn (a distant relation later invented tennis) or Sognfgaaar depending on your view of history.

My researches show it went something like this:
Bjorborn had been snjooping by Sognfaar's hut and noticed he used one plank to slide down a nearby scrape. He saw that Sognfaar strapped it to his feet and tied a rope to the reindeer and placed the rope on a bar he put between his legs to get back up. Sognfaar had shared his invention with friends and called it reinstjiickdeeblescraap.
Bjorborn secretly used this idea until one day his plank split in two. Thinking Sognfaar wouldn't notice the similarity he took to using them around the village. He called it Skjiing.

Sognfgaar was furious but knew the only way to claim back his invention was to go to Court.
This was indeed fortunate as the alternate method of resolving disputes was to clash heads like reindeer until both men were dead (this was called numbjskjulling), thus reinstjiickdeeblescraap or Skjjiing would never have been passed down the generations or at least would have had to await the arrival of "snow-shoe Thompson"
Now it appears in those days disputes were settled by a court of Saarrmi herders who carefully weighed up thje evidence and competeting claims then passed judgement.
Sognfgaar was a thick set man with dark wild hair and close set eyes and his assistant Claase Crinjgle was a short squat bearded man.

The judgement which is to be found in the Book of Fjrzen Nethern Regjions says: " reinstjiickdeeblescraap is a logical name and Sognfgaar has a big head so probably came up with the idea first. Bjorborn is a simple man but has lovely blond hair and blue eyes, sings well and doesn't look as sneaky."
So following established legal precedent and followed to this day in all civilised courts the best dressed won.

I have no doubt that the Court was made up of fine albeit Scandinavian chaps from thje right Fjords and they made the right decision. After all who would want to go reinstjiickdeeblescraaping!

Bjornborg later went on to market his original single broad plank idea as a "Bjigggendeeblescraap".

Of course my dear Emily I do feel a pang of sorrow for Sognfgaar who spent the rest of his life obsessed with reinstjiickdeeblescraaping a topic which his non - reinstjiickdeeblescraaping friends tired of quickly. He would hang around in bars talking endlessly about his first trjacks. Indeed he drank a lot of a drink he produced called "hoogggarten" (but thats another story).
Having completely succumbed liquor one night even tried to teach reindeer to fly which of course he had no luck with. He parted on bad terms with his assistant Claase Cringjle who in his paranoid state he accused of stealing his ideas, poor Claase was a dignified chap who quietly left and went North to set up a Toy factory.
In the end Sognfaar died whilst testing a new idea for numbjskjulling he called the "skullbanjgnn" - a terrible and tragic end.

A snowHead

Thanks, Lord Walter Mountbarren.

Is your thesis available in a leather-bound edition for bibliofiles such as myself?

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

Finally I have a simple answer for friends who ask me that questjon.

You need to Login to know who's really who.

Looks like Beef has woken up for the winter season.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

Dear Mr Goldsmith,
It will be available shortly and will cover the lost diaries of Oscar Deenbreedle the father of modern Bjigggendeeblescraap.
I of course wuld be happy to send you a copy for your library.
Yours,
LWM

You'll need to Register first of course.

I am sorry Mr Goldsmith but where may I send your copy?

Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

Lord Walter Mountbarren, I'd be delighted if you'd send it to the British Library for the enjoyment of all snowHeads and eggHeads.

After all it is free

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Who invented skiing?

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