 Poster: A snowHead
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Hi Guys,
I am new to this forum and am looking for advice. We have been skiing on and off for the last 20 years, about 15 times. I absolutely love it but my wife is always a bag of nerves. She has had plenty of lessons and knows what she needs to do, but as soon as we get off the lift, she freezes and struggles down, even on a gentle blue. I am looking to book for March 24 but I am wondering if it's worth it knowing what will happen. I have read reports about Hypnosis for fear. I found 2 offerings aimed at nervous skiers, one from selfhypnosisuk.com and the other from hypnoticworld.com Does anyone know anything about this approach?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Stay somewhere that serves champagne for breakfast.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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If only 
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Just get her a private lesson on the first morning. It’ll be cheaper and far more effective.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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@alanbarry95, Does your wife actually want to go skiing? My understanding is that things like Hypnosis only work well if the subject actually wants to overcome the issue.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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That's the thing, she does want to overcome the fear, she loves everything about skiing holidays. In fact, it's her who does all of the research and booking. She just hopes that next time things will be different. I just searched the subject in the archives here and there is a recommendation from 2018 for confidentskier.com I may go for that.
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@alanbarry95, Do you live anywhere near a snow dome? Might it help for your wife to go there on a regular basis leading up to your trip, either for lessons or just to get some time on the slope, so that when you get to the mountains it's not such a long gap since she last skied?
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Re Your Wife's lessons:
Were they in a Class or Private?
If Private - did you get a recommendation?
Were they native English speakers?
What ski school / resort?
Is it possible that skiing is not for your wife? - But to give it the best chance:
1. Get a recommendation for an instructor on here....As the right Instructor is by far the biggest factor in getting over her fear. Enjoyment comes from Confidence; Confidence comes from Control; Control comes from technique, which comes from Instruction.
My Wife (then Girlfriend) was terrified as soon as any speed was gained. She hated the lack of control, so wouldn't let the skis run for fear of hitting someone else. Classes were a disaster. It initially took Private lessons from a patient Aussie to remove some of the fear.
2. Choose resort wisely.
3. Make sure you use a good ski shop that hires properly fitted, decent kit
4. Choose location of accommodation wisely.
I'm sorry if the above is stating the blindingly obvious, as you have been skiing for a good while. It sounds like your Wife is quite like Lady F, who is an emotional skier - So ability/bravery is very much linked to mood. On a cheerier note, Lady F did become a competent skier - but it took dedication (from her) and lots of lessons (with an Instructor she liked, trusted and went back to year after year).
Last edited by After all it is free  on Wed 13-09-23 11:28; edited 2 times in total
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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I tried hypnosis for driving related panic, didn't work. Could work, might not... for generalised anxiety/fear acupunture has helped a bit... anyway, with a panic response once your body learns, it's hard to shake off and needs work!
With the skiing - does your wife do ok with an instructor, but freeze when it's just the two of you? I tend to get more tense when I feel I'm letting my husband down/being the hold up/ruining the trip. Something I've started doing is calling it - if a blue is a bit much, I'll find the easiest slope possible and repeat it - husband will either join and ski backwards/mess about/make it fun or take himself off for a bit. Or I'll admit that today is about hot chocolate/fizz. I'll try and do lower runs first thing to get into the swing before getting top of the mountain feeling... just basically make it chill and fun and really low pressure.
I've also just done a ski goddess course - might help if yor wife has the time/cash?
Either way - if your wife is doing the bookings and wants to be in the mountains, go to the snow! Try some snow shoeing/xc skiing! Have fun and go with the flow... 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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Wasn't there someone recommended on here for teaching nervous female skiers in Les Deux Alpe?
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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@alanbarry95, I would suggest planning your next trip around a couple of half day lessons with Floss Cockle, who as well as being a very good instructor does coaching on the mental side of things (and might be able to provide some advice ahead of the trip. See https://www.freefloski.com/conquering-the-slopes-how-to-overcome-fear/. I last skied with her in les Arcs, but her website now says Tignes/Val d'Isere.
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We have been to The Chillfactore and she is fine there on a 100-meter slope straight up and down., The problem is the unknown.
To Old Fartbag: We did Ski School first, then several private lessons with good sympathetic instructors, mostly in Austria but also in Italy, France, and Andorra. One actually told her that there was nothing more she could teach her and that it was a case of overcoming her nerves and then applying everything she had been taught. I have read up on this, and the opinion was that knowing how to do something expertly, is not enough if your head isn't in the right place. A ski instructor can teach and instruct, but they are not psychotherapists.
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You know it makes sense.
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@adithorp, I expect that would be Charlotte Swift aka Easiski.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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What works for your partner is going to be a very personal thing for them as an individual but some things to try:
If she's had group lessons in the past maybe try private. One of my friends was a nervous beginner so ended up at the back of the group, so throught she was holding everyone up, so trying to rush everything - achieving nothing but denting her confidence and having her talking about jacking it in after day 1. Some sweet talking from her partner (and a bottle of wine) had her give it anther go but switching to private lessons, that could be run at her pace - and a completely different person came of the slopes at the end of day 2.
Something else to consider trying is not skiing on day 1 and maybe hire some snow shoes and doing one of the walking trails first day. You say she loves skiing but just freezes at the top of the lift so chances are everything's going to be going round and round in her head building up the fear from the point her suitcase goes in the car to drive to the airport. Maybe a day of just decompressing would help.
Or in a similar vein could you get a cross country skiing intro day for day 1? None of the crowds that can freak out some and naturally a lot slower and flatter giving her time to get comfortable being back on skis.
One you may have already tried is to NOT ski off the top of the chair. Take a chair up, offload, skis straight off and go in for a coffee. Again all that fear, frustration, etc will probably be going around in her head the whole way up the chair ride so give it a chance to dissipate.
And how about picking a resort with a gondola/blue home run where you can make it very clear that at the top of the gondola if she isn't feeling it you are completely happy to just take the gondola back down as you're a bit hung over/tiered from the travel/knee's hurting a bit/etc, anything so she doesn't feel the added pressure that she's spoiling your holiday.
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Poster: A snowHead
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I just downloaded the hypnosis from confidentskier.com it's worth a go for £16 I'll report back in due course.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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I only just joined this forum, and what a friendly, knowledgeable group you are, Thanks for all your input. I'll keep reading.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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@Mjit, +1 for everything you say there except possibly the skis straight off/coffee bit. I find that gives me time to think/get caffeine jitters.
However, stopping loads on the first run (we'll just go here and look at the view, a couple of turns down to here, ooo look at that stupid ski jacket
..) a super patient first run can make or break the day.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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@alanbarry95, has your wife tried CBT? If the hypnosis doesn't work, she may wish to do some work with someone qualified. It can really help get on top of a panic response (just by having the tools). Good luck with the hypnosis, works for some!
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
To Old Fartbag: We did Ski School first, then several private lessons with good sympathetic instructors, mostly in Austria but also in Italy, France, and Andorra. One actually told her that there was nothing more she could teach her and that it was a case of overcoming her nerves and then applying everything she had been taught. I have read up on this, and the opinion was that knowing how to do something expertly, is not enough if your head isn't in the right place. A ski instructor can teach and instruct, but they are not psychotherapists. |
Fair enough.
I really like the suggestion of Shakira of using Floss Cockle at VDI - who should help with the mental side of things.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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I see that Sharon, who is the therapist, is also a skier herself, which has to be a plus. I don't suppose we will know if it has worked until we are actually on the slopes. The advice is to listen several times at home and then in the morning before actually skiing, and obviously not while skiing. She is going to listen to it after work .
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| One actually told her that there was nothing more she could teach her and that it was a case of overcoming her nerves and then applying everything she had been taught. I have read up on this, and the opinion was that knowing how to do something expertly, is not enough if your head isn't in the right place. A ski instructor can teach and instruct, but they are not psychotherapists. |
I'm neither an expert skier nor a ski instructor, but I am a pretty experienced educator. And to me this sounds more like a poor/inadequate instructor than anything else. It's the job of an instructor to bridge the gap between 'having taught' something and the learner being able to apply it: if someone can't apply what they've been taught, then it's not been learned properly -- which means the teacher hasn't finished their job or done it properly. Teaching someone to do a skill isn't giving them a list of things to remember to do, so that the learner can go away and learn to apply it on their own: it's enabling them actually to do it.
So I second the recommendation made by others to work with an instructor who specializes in these kinds of cases. I don't have any particular recommendations to add, but following recommendations for particular people made here sounds very sensible. When you've found the right person to work with (this might involve some correspondence or even a video chat in advance), I recommend following their advice and planning a trip around their recommended schedule of lessons.
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@Scarlet, We live near the Chillfactore and like I said above, she is OK there because its the same every time with nothing unexpected likely.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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@alanbarry95, does she have her own skis?
I found that having my own helped increase my confidence as they behave the same everytime vs hired ones which càn vary
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Private lesson all the way here. My wife was the same. I agree it really does matter who the instructor is too.
We still have the occasional end of day stand off at the steeper part of the chopped up blue back down on tired legs. Few cross words from her to me. Bit of a yell. Me: "you can climb back up or ski down." Shortly after that we get going again.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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| Alastair Pink wrote: |
| @adithorp, I expect that would be Charlotte Swift aka Easiski. |
That's the one. Slightly embarrasing I couldn't remember as I've met her once (briefly).
Floss (aka @FreeFloFloss, on here) is excellent as well.
| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| I only just joined this forum, and what a friendly, knowledgeable group you are... |
Don't speak too soon. 
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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@NickyJ, Oh yes, we have quite a collection here, including some Atomic 120's which being shorter were a lot better to control for her.
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| @NickyJ, Oh yes, we have quite a collection here, including some Atomic 120's which being shorter were a lot better to control for her. |
Maybe but somewhat wobbly at any sort of speed?
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You know it makes sense.
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| JayRo wrote: |
I'm neither an expert skier nor a ski instructor, but I am a pretty experienced educator. And to me this sounds more like a poor/inadequate instructor than anything else. It's the job of an instructor to bridge the gap between 'having taught' something and the learner being able to apply it: if someone can't apply what they've been taught, then it's not been learned properly -- which means the teacher hasn't finished their job or done it properly. Teaching someone to do a skill isn't giving them a list of things to remember to do, so that the learner can go away and learn to apply it on their own: it's enabling them actually to do it.
So I second the recommendation made by others to work with an instructor who specializes in these kinds of cases. I don't have any particular recommendations to add, but following recommendations for particular people made here sounds very sensible. When you've found the right person to work with (this might involve some correspondence or even a video chat in advance), I recommend following their advice and planning a trip around their recommended schedule of lessons. |
That - without any specialist training - has always been my view.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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We have done this many times, asked for a ski instructor who specializes in teaching nervous skiers. Always the same answer: "All our instructors are good for teaching nervous skiers"
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Poster: A snowHead
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The best will offer many different cues until the right one is found. Same skill can take a different cue even for very good skiers. It's just the mental process of connecting the dots: "if I do x, then y happens". What mental process do you need to go through to initiate "x".
The difference between an instructor and teacher IMO.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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@alanbarry95
If you are going 3 valleys I can recommend an excellent guy. I was having off piste lessons with him but had to give him up for my wife and a few others. It was poo-poo for me but worth its weight in gold for them. They couldn't stop saying how good he was.
It really was like watching Candide ripping through the off piste.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| We have done this many times, asked for a ski instructor who specializes in teaching nervous skiers. Always the same answer: "All our instructors are good for teaching nervous skiers" |
Without wanting to sound too much like Mandy Rice-Davies, they would say that, wouldn’t they?
Get & act on a recommendation from a satisfied client who’s been helped through similar problems, not from someone trying to sell you ski lessons.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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I'd love to see those recommendations on here if anyone's happy to share
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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So this 'recommended instructor' would be in the same resort we are going to and have vacancies free at the time we are there? That's an awful lot of luck. I can't see us booking a holiday around the availability of a particular instructor. Too many other variables would take precedence. The ideal would be that ALL instructors knew how to teach everyone, from the gutsy teenager, to the 4 year old kid to the terrified latecomer!
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| I can't see us booking a holiday around the availability of a particular instructor. Too many other variables would take precedence. |
What I (& I think others) are recommending is that you book a holiday precisely around the availability of a suitable instructor, & make this the most important variable.
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Is she scared of hurting herself? Would back and hip protectors give her some confidence?
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| alanbarry95 wrote: |
| I can't see us booking a holiday around the availability of a particular instructor. |
If you and your wife are serious about sorting out her nerves, then this is exactly what you should do. It is an investment for revert future ski holiday, after all. There will always be some instructors who are better at helping students through confidence issues, just the same as others may excel at teaching bumps, or off piste skills. You've tried working with the "average", so something different is to work with the exceptional.
I can't speak for Easyski but I have been instructed by Floss several times and she would be excellent for this purpose. I would try contacting her (or other recommended instructors) to see whether she has availability when you want to go, then try to make the rest of the elements line up.
An alternative thought is to try skiing in Scandinavia. In general, the mountains are not so big so perhaps less scary. And the are fewer chairlifts (cue t-bar moans - but they're really not that bad) so maybe less chance of getting a bit pysched out by a chair that goes high over difficult terrain. The Scandi resorts tend to have lots of other snow related activities too, for a bit of variety.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| Quote: |
What I (& I think others) are recommending is that you book a holiday precisely around the availability of a suitable instructor, & make this the most important variable.
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Exactly this.
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| Shakira wrote: |
| Quote: |
What I (& I think others) are recommending is that you book a holiday precisely around the availability of a suitable instructor, & make this the most important variable.
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Exactly this. |
It's what I did - both for my Wife and then my Kids (and Myself). I would pin down my dates in the Summer based on availability and then book who we wanted as early as possible. It was much harder then, as I didn't have a Forum to ask, so we had to do it with trial and error.
On the face of it, it may sound daft to the OP....but it really is the most viable solution. Not all Instructors are created equal.....some are good; some are great and some are exceptional.
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FAQ
He doesn't bother introducing his current to his ski buddies as we've been far more of a constant in his life than she has. 
