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A light hearted view of the different tribes of ski-tourers, what type of ski tourer are you?

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
My OH with contributions from The Style Altitude Team* has written this tongue in cheek feature about the different types of ski tourer out on the hill.

THE 7 SKI TOUR TRIBES
With so many heading up the hill under their own boot power because of closed lifts or the desire to avoid them thanks to COVID, there are distinct differences in ski tour modus operandi.

This winter we've seen hikers dragging their skis up with boots clipped into the bindings, snowshoers with skis on their backs and even one young guy from Paris on hired touring skis, halfway up the mountain, who told us he'd never skied before. Lord knows how he got down in one piece.

So now ski touring is not only the sport of ski kings as in Ski Mountaineers, SkiMos and the UPPIES who can afford the best kit but, also, attracting the world, his wife and a whole bunch of Jerries......

More here https://stylealtitude.com/ski-tour-style-types.html

*including the Snapper = Skintern
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Seen quite a few folks walking down, as they've never skied ...
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Very good Smile but missed out the french army, or maybe that's just an Alpe d'Huez thing because they have a training place there ? Easy to spot the instructor with them, although they all have the full white clothing the instructor is the one with the shiny brand new coloured boots and skis whereas the trainees have the standard army issue 1970's stuff Laughing Needless to say, the instructor, who is probably part time ESF, is usually miles in front Laughing
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The 7 types are amusing but don't cover what might even be the largest group: people who have skied mostly off piste for decades and have touring bindings, but are not tourers. They are simply prepared to occasionally walk for a while to get to a special slope, or if powder is hard to find, but if there is new powder will be fairly unlikely to use their uphill setting.
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
OMG I'm a Jerry Shocked
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You'll need to Register first of course.
Bar the Jerries, I've been partially in all the other catagories - but I don't fit well in any box.

While I may not get far beyond 600m/h I've skied on the skiinies, and upset many by proving they could be used for carving in avie debris. I do a fair bit solo and of the group ski. I started out on begged/borrowed/scavanged gear and now use whatever is the best for the task at hand. I've climbed and skied a few north faces over the years and rappeled of the bridge on the midi.
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
@skitow, we obvs have a better class of French squaddies around here, mostly on new tele-techs and Black Crows ...
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
What's the name for a ski tourer new to the sport, that has purchased all new equipment, but skis and bindings are halfway across the country at The Piste Office, and you've not left the UK since last summer?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
under a new name wrote:
@skitow, we obvs have a better class of French squaddies around here, mostly on new tele-techs and Black Crows ...

To be fair they are quite often young people, presumably either recruits or some sort of cadet scheme. When they make use of their "free" descent there are some very unusual "techniques". Laughing Great to see them having the chance, and taking it, though.
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
swskier wrote:
What's the name for a ski tourer new to the sport, that has purchased all new equipment, but skis and bindings are halfway across the country at The Piste Office, and you've not left the UK since last summer?


Flatties? Very Happy
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
@skitow, to be equally fair, we have the ecole militaire de haute montagne here so our are probably all chasseurs alpins.
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 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
Honestly can't stand the term Jerry, its so condescending to people new to the sport or less experienced. You'd hope people in the ski industry would be welcoming to newcomers as a vast amount of the revenue in ski resorts is around less experienced and holiday skiiers. These annoying "tourists" having the temerity to ski on "your" slopes?

Everyone is on a learning curve, some are further along it than others, but at some stage we all fall off it.
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
Quote:

Honestly can't stand the term Jerry


+1. Sneering at people with less experience, and who lack the smart gear, but who are out making an effort and enjoying themselves? Where's the cleverness in that? I was out for a walk this morning, became quite warm at one point and tied my jacket round my waist. Like loads of people. And if you have to transport skis and boots uphill, dragging them behind you isn't completely daft, is it?
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
@pam w, +2..but are you surprised?
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
in the Jerry of the Day sense Jerry is definitely not restricted to newbies

The Uppies seems inspired by the Ski Touring for Wallies thread Laughing
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Arno wrote:
in the Jerry of the Day sense Jerry is definitely not restricted to newbies

The Uppies seems inspired by the Ski Touring for Wallies thread Laughing



@Arno, what do you mean inspired by Captain Bob snowHead

Like I said it's a very light-hearted and tongue in cheek but unfortunately, @pam w, @holidayloverxx, come across as not having the faintest idea about JOTD just shows how out of touch they are Laughing


Last edited by Poster: A snowHead on Fri 16-04-21 19:26; edited 5 times in total
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
I think there's a gap..somewhere between Jerry and Skintern. For middle aged beginners not quite up to 400m per hour? (I.e me and Mr P-780m in 2.5 hours nearly killed me!)
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Must admit to having Uppie tendencies myself Madeye-Smiley
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
Quote:

unfortunately @pam w, @holidayloverxx, don't have the faintest idea about JOTD

If it means joining in online mockery of people reckoned to be clueless it's not something I'd aspire to having a clue about. On the other hand, if people invite me to admire the cleverness of their mockery, I shall feel free to express my distaste.
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Weathercam wrote:



@Arno, what do you mean inspired by Captain Bob snowHead

Like I said it's a very light-hearted and tongue in cheek but unfortunately, @pam w, @holidayloverxx, come across as not having the faintest idea about JOTD Laughing


So the feedback from at least 3 readers is that it's smug, supercilious and condescending to refer to beginners or indeed anyone as a Jerry, but you do you.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
@coddlesangers, of course, it's a recognised part of the ski world media, unless of course, you follow the PC line Laughing

I did consider using the phrase "Wallies" instead but @BobinCH, has the copyright on that Laughing
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Somed (social media) tourers

WHO - this is a group of tourers whose sole purpose is to be seen on social media and skiing internet sites.

How to spot them - They will be equipped with the holy trinity - Go-Pro, drone and a filmstar ego.

Essential Piece of kit - 80's neon headband and an expensive camera on a stick.

Least likely to say - I didn't do anything worth showing off about today

Most likely to say - This is a short 45 min video of me ski touring up the ......
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
Very Happy winner all right!
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
@DB, chapeau Laughing

OH says brilliant, and she'll add it.

Mentioning the odd 5,000 or so Instagramers etc #skitouring #skirando #skiing etc

But you also forgot the necessary Strava link Laughing
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
Tourminators

WHO - this is a group of tourers who have a fettish for loads of equipment which they usually terminate the life of (or at the very least complain about so to justify purchasing another piece of equipment).

How to spot them - They will be equipped with something that has just broken.

Essential Pieces of kit - Duct tape, cable ties and sticky back plastic.

Least likely to say - I'm so glad I bought these Xenic bindings, group hug !

Most likely to say - I still don't think my setup delta is right but I've just seen this (insert name of another piece of expensive equipment here) what do you think Jon?


Last edited by Ski the Net with snowHeads on Fri 16-04-21 20:39; edited 1 time in total
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
@DB, i thought I was an Uppie but was moving to Somed until you just posted Tourminators which I somehow feel affiliated to Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad
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 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
I'd just like to say ....

Any resemblance to real persons or other real-life entities is purely coincidental. All characters and other entities appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, dead or alive, or other real-life entities, past or present, is purely coincidental.
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
Virtual Tourer

WHO - this is a group of tourers who talk about loads of things including ski touring but because of COVID lockdowns and crap weather in the east of Austria they don't actually get out much.

How to spot them - They will be logged onto snowheads arguing about things such as winter tyres, mtb bike gears, ski touring, expert skiing techniques, VO2max and walking boots without actually doing much of anything. They would secretly like to be a "Somed" or a "Tourminator" but just don't get out enough.

Essential Pieces of kit - An internet connection, an opinionated ego, too many pairs of walking boots and an old ski touring touring setup that wouldn't even sell on ebay.

Least likely to say - Wow another great powder day in the east again today.

Most likely to say - Weather was crap again.


Last edited by So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much on Fri 16-04-21 20:38; edited 1 time in total
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
@DB, Laughing
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
@BobinCH, @DB, great stuff guys, for sure I did mention the Xenic bindings / crampons debacle to the Editor but she did not think that most would believe that story Laughing
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Thank you, just thank you.
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Another @Weathercam "I'm some sort of self-proclaimed touring god(?) that looks down on all others thread"? Great rolling eyes
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Weathercam wrote:
Arno wrote:
in the Jerry of the Day sense Jerry is definitely not restricted to newbies

The Uppies seems inspired by the Ski Touring for Wallies thread Laughing



@Arno, what do you mean inspired by Captain Bob snowHead

Like I said it's a very light-hearted and tongue in cheek but unfortunately, @pam w, @holidayloverxx, come across as not having the faintest idea about JOTD just shows how out of touch they are Laughing


Whatever. I know what JOTD is. You on the other hand have limited understanding of so many things and believe that if you say something is tongue in cheek that makes it ok. It doesn't, but your totally self centered take on the world is all that matters to you so sod anyone else's view and slag it off eh?
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@holidayloverxx, so you've now googled JOTD and now know what it is, so chapeau to you rolling eyes
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
@Weathercam, ??? Typical response. You have no idea rolling eyes
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
@holidayloverxx, XXx
Night night Very Happy


Last edited by You'll need to Register first of course. on Fri 16-04-21 21:48; edited 1 time in total
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
@Weathercam, are you drunk?

Ha...quick edit!
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
@holidayloverxx, just fantasising about taking you ski touring Laughing
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
Weathercam wrote:
@holidayloverxx, just fantasising about taking you ski touring Laughing


Probably best not... and I don't get 'taken' anywhere.

I'm looking forward to hooking up with my Austria based friends to tour next season
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
@holidayloverxx, seriously OH has various ladies ski touring skis etc that she's looking to sell and we can bring back to the UK if you and other ladies might be interested, her Nordicas Santa Anna's being very sweet
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