 Poster: A snowHead
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
| Quote: |
| In fact, skiing on powder instead of a piste is analogous to walking through a bog when there is a perfectly good path. |
Yep, bang on there. nothing to see in this powder field, there's anice piste just over there, move along now.... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
|
Genius!!! Too true about Moon Boots!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
|
circa 1987 surely
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
|
which is the number of nbt's posts, coincedence or not?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Absolutely accurate in many respects.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Excellent. Somebody cleverer than me should update this for 2006....
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
| martski wrote: |
| circa 1987 surely |
No, 1992 - it says so at the top !
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Priceless! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
|
|
austin7, you are right, my humblest apologies (would argue written then but unspired by the 8os)
|
|
|
|
|
|
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
|
I see fellow snowHead Martin Bell gets a mention in there as well!!
| Quote: |
| Graham and Martin interrupt their practice for events like children's birthdays or conjugal visits back in Blighty. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| pam w wrote: |
| Excellent. Somebody cleverer than me should update this for 2006.... |
1. The word ski derives from the French word schier, meaning "to ponce around in Gore-Tex clothing"
2. In a recent survey, the most practiced skier in the UK was found to be Posh Spice, with Olympian brothers Alain and Noel Baxter lagging behind. The Talent-less Thin Twig-faced Twit misses only four days of the season, whereas Alain and Noel interrupt their practice for events like children's birthdays or conjugal visits back in Blighty. TTTTT only interrupts her skiing with her punishing shopping schedule, or for rendezvous in Beckingham Palace with her husband David playing snap.
3. Skiing is one of the few sports where men and women take part in similar numbers. This is mainly because, along with golf, it is not in fact a sport but a piece of middle-class posing. Whereas women are not quite daft enough to play golf, they are lured into skiing by the light weight tight Gore-Tex fabrics, laminated cuffs and a breathable crutch facility offered on most ski gear.
4. Most skiers are desperately unfit and take no other exercise the whole year. This is due to sitting all day watching reality TV. Having said that, a recent survey showed 72% of skiing injuries to be caused by people falling over while wearing “Old School” moon boots.
5. One of the ironies of skiing is that you ascend to the highest, remotest places in the country and then spend hours in some of the most unpleasant activities imaginable. To name but two: hyper-aggressive queuing and Cable-Car-Cold Avoidance.
6. Most of the comments apply to downhill or piste skiing, but there also exists cross-country skiing for the woolly-hatted type, and off-piste skiing for those who yearn to be free of the endless crowds of bad skiers who pollute the pistes at weekends. Therefore, skiing through powder is analogous to walking through a bog when there is a overly populated path nearby.
7. A mogul is a bump in the snow which bashes your knees off your chin. Skiing through moguls is analogous to plodding through a boulder field when there is an overly crowded path nearby.
8. The car park at any skiing area is a mass of huge 4x4’s, which are driven by people who have never mudded the huge alloy wheels, let alone tried to fit the chains.
9. Skiing has produced some of the most ludicrous fashions ever invented. The moon boot for example, the bum bag, painting your face like Marilyn Manson, and long straight skis that tower above the clouds.
10. Among the strange obsessions to afflict skiers is a fanaticism about technique. One can learn to descend all but the hardest of slopes in about a week, yet highly competent skiers will happily shell out on lessons for the rest of their careers, chasing the Perfect Carve – “Don’t look downhill. Look behind you and check your tracks!!”.
11. There is a secret society that pursues the opposite course of action to most skiers. They despise waterproof clothing and wear only all-in-ones. They take no interest in the new techniques but fly down steep reds without a care. They knock down queues and banter furiously. They are called The French.
12. Skiing has produced a number of controversies in Scotland as skiers and conservationists tend to have diametrically opposed views on the landscape. Conservationists like trees, grass and the odd sheep; skiers tend to prefer runways and terminals so they can fly out to the continent to find the snow.
13. Skiing seasons have been decimated in the last few years due to global warming. Remarkably few firms appear to have gone bust as a result. They have just trebled their prices and the punters are too stupid to notice.
14. The single most bizarre thing to do with skiing is the dry ski slope. All over the country people queue hours for twenty seconds of skiing down a giant brillo pad. It acts nothing like snow, rips flesh to the bone if you fall over, and of course is unable to provide the Perfect Carve.
15. Fashion is God in the skiing industry, and a keen devotee will change their outfit at least once a month as the new technologies scare you into investing in them.
16. As mentioned earlier, people will ski only in France, as Scotland is thought "not to have the weather". In fact half the Continental resorts have been coughing up lack-of-snow money in recent years, or bussing people four hours to the nearest piste.
17. One of the many hazards of skiing abroad is the Fondue Evening. Huge chunks of raw meat are thrown into sizzling fat while small men in leather trousers play oompah music and yodel. Local firewater is knocked back until everyone is jumping frantically to High Energy Euro Pop.
18. In the Olympics the curious sport of skijumping assumes a prominence completely out of proportion to its usefulness or popularity amongst the masses. Passing over any reference to ***** the *****, we note only that Finland produces a disproportionately high number of champions, and wonder what it is about the Nordic / midnight sun / heart attack / rally driving / suicidal Finns that creates them.
19. Most bizarre of the skiing events is the biathlon, where Germans and Swedes ski across country for miles and then take pot shots at targets. It's strange that Pierce Brosnen never entered, as he can hit the target skiing at top speed, firing from the hip. Presumably this event will disappear with the end of the Iraq War, to be replaced with skiing across country and then finding some ‘weapon of mass destruction’.
20. For the rich and brave, there is the sport of Heli-Skiing. A helicopter takes you to a completely virgin mountain and you plough through the powder, free from the crowded and overly populated piste.
Last edited by So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much  on Fri 28-04-06 23:02; edited 1 time in total
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know it makes sense.
|
Ski Bat, 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
|
bh1, Thanks. It was too irresistible not to update it, especially as work was so slow today 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poster: A snowHead
|
Scottish/Sassenach Temperature Conversion Tables
copied from the very excellent Natives - but deserves to be seen in full rather than a link ; goes some way to explaining Scottish skiing and skiers - and some way to explaining the alcohol dependency ... (Fahrenheit obviously - Scots evaporate long before plus 30 C and you recover them in a still)
50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat.
People in Scotland plant gardens.
40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.
35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start.
People in Scotland drive with the windows down.
20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.
15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming.
Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Scotland have the last bbq before it gets cold.
10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.
20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.
80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.
173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes.
People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.
297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying "chilly, you cal an aw?"
500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over. Aberdeen win the Cup.  )
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
|
Chris Craggs, I am glad you produced it in full - the punchline is brilliant!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
