Fear / phobia of skiing

A snowHead

Hello, I've just joined this forum and hoping to get some advice please.

My wife and I had some lessons at the Snow Zone in Milton Keynes. My wife fell and badly injured her shoulder and it really dented her confidence.

We went skiing with friends in the Dolomites and whilst her technique is fine it was getting to the point where she was in tears at breakfast terrified of the mornings lesson. We had a joint lesson but by day two he was having to spend most of the time with my wife because she was so scared and lacking in confidence. He was a fantastic instructor but there was only so much he could do.

Very sensibly we are booked a trip to Alpe D'huez in February to have another go.

I have bought have a ski meditation / confidence building CD and am considering an appointment with a hypnotist or sports psychologist for my wife.

I am hoping for ski school recommendations in Alpe D'huez and also any advice please on how she can overcome the fear. Before the fall she was skiing better than me (annoyingly) but has just lost all her confidence.

I really want her to enjoy it as I absolutely loved it. I snow boarded 20+ years ago and play judo so falling isn't an issue for me. Well apart from breaking four Go Pro helmet mounts due to head planting at speed.

We had a fantastic holiday in the Dolomites but it was very disappointing to leave her behind a couple of afternoons when I went skiing with our friends and I would love to be able to do long, easy runs with her. If she doesn't enjoy the skiing this time I think it could be my last ski trip and I will have to settle for diving in the Maldives instead Sad

Help please!

A snowHead

i found that the biggest fear for my kids, myself and wife was the fear of falling and in that process either getting hurt, not stopping and sliding for a long way or embarrassment .... it doesnt stop at beginner level and can continue through a skiers/boarders learning to any level ...
so .. to start it was skis off and start mucking about in the snow ... playing like kids ! bundles, belly slides , running sliding on feet and backsides and backs , jumping over lips, those bum sledge things, rings, and sinking in the snow .. just having fun !! take all the seriousness and angst out of it .. then just do the same with skis on, we used to throw a ball around like american fball whilst wearing blades and it just naturally progressed.... its a mental block, change the focus .. even "experts" have them at drops etc ... you naturally lean away from fear, ie lean away from the steep slope/sit back and down, which is the wrong position for skiing and why many fall rather than getting in its face ... learn to enjoy again and start slow which naturally builds confidence. if she has deep concerns re her shoulder then do the same type of thing but include things specific to that area too

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

Welcome to snowHeads @IainMcT,

I know this might seem counter intuitive but have you considered beginners group lessons?
One to one/private lessons are great for focusing on the details and honing technique but they can be quite intense: sometimes, being in a group of people all struggling together is more reassuring - and given her previous experience, it could be quite a confidence boost.
I think of it because my son used to think he was a rubbish off-piste skier (he actually wasn't, he was just learning) until he tagged along with a group who "were all grown ups and they all fell over more than me Dad!" He was so focused on helping the others that he completely forgot to worry about his own skiing.

You need to Login to know who's really who.

1. Does she actually want to get over the fear? If not, there’s no chance
2. That doesn’t mean you can’t do a week holiday a year without her while she does something she actually wants to do somewhere else with her friends
3. Tequila shots (or rum/brandy in her morning coffee)

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

I am not altogether surprised that the Snow Zone did not help build confidence. I loathe the indoor fridges as they give me very little option to determine where and how I turn. I know that others will come on and say, you should be able to turn anywhere at anytime - and I can BUT confidence or lack thereof makes it harder. Can I just say though well done to her for heading out again and for booking another trip. That takes guts and determination and should not be ignored. I'd say private lessons, and ask which instructor deals best with confidence issues. Sometimes a female instructor might work, if she is kind and gets it. Or a nice chap, who is gentle, kind and makes her laugh. Often lack of confidence is addressed not by blinding with technical aspects of technique, but by thinking of it more like dancing and getting into a rhythm. I have no magic bullet for this as I am also plagued with it on and off. I think plenty of coffee stops, long lunches, somewhere that is easy to get back from. Also really check the piste maps and ask for advice on here about particular runs. I for example could give advice on the Grand Massif, which reds are easier and build confidence compared to which blues are bugs and need nerves of steel. Which slopes to avoid on icy days, which to avoid at peak times (this might be very important if you are going during the French holidays) etc etc. So I'd suggest you also start a thread asking for advice on the runs in Alpe D'huez. If you can say to her you have asked and are able to map out where to go and where to stop, then she can at least feel more familiar/confident. Finally, maybe make it a mountain as opposed to skiing holiday? I have friends that always take a day off for mooching and relaxing in a spa/pool. So the pressure is off. It may well be that your holiday in the mountains becomes more about a lovely holiday in the fresh air, where you get to ski and she gets to do a bit of skiing and then rides on dog sleds/snow shoes/cross-country skis and meets you and your friends up top (if this option is available in Alpe D'huez) as a foot passenger. If you find a solution please come back and tell us all.

You'll need to Register first of course.

It happens even to reasonably experienced skiers sometimes. Similarly to @admin, the trick that worked with my son was to deliberately put him into group lessons below his level. They bumped him up after the first day which gave him a massive confidence boost to the point that he had to be told off for skiing recklessly with us.

So, yes beginner lessons with (very likely) quick progression may well cure her fear.

Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

I would also suggest that your wife books herself in as a complete beginner in group lessons. Probably with ESI as they tend to have smaller group sizes.

The first time I went skiing I had a really bad experience with poor lessons and someone skiing into the back of me on the first day, leaving me with a very bruised back as I fell on their skis. A few years later I went skiing again and booked myself back into beginner classes. The experience was far better and for the next couple of holidays I continued with group lessons. I have loved skiing ever since the second time.

I would suggest booking your wife into a couple of spa sessions in the resort so she has something to look forward to at the end of the day's skiing. Look up some nice mountain restaurants for lunch stops. Also invite some friends who are beginners (rather than advanced skiers) to join you on the holiday if possible.

After all it is free

I can only suggest that the only real cure for fear of falling is to fall again and find that nothing bad happens IME. It's not really about kindness or having an understanding or supportive environment it's about reprogramming the reptilian brain.

If she's not prepared to fall she's not prepared to ski as realistically it is not possible to spend an enjoyable lifetime skiing while avoiding all risk of falling.

Judo lessons for her?

@Dave of the Marmottes, my thought as well.

*Ski* the Net with snowHeads

@Dave of the Marmottes, @adithorp, I suspect this is a slightly general barrier that holds some adult learners back.

Whereas if you start at 4 years old...

snowHeads are a friendly bunch.

First, is she FULLY healed physically? In strength, flexibility? Maybe her fear was well founded???

I had a bad fall (not from skiing) some years back. I was very tense on the slope the next couple of years. Not just on skis, but also just walking around on ice and snow. And it was a reasonable fear. For while I was healed according to the doctor, I wasn’t 100% in strength and resilience. I didn’t want to go through the same pain and hassle again if I reinjure myself while I was physically not 100%. Every “near fall” further reinforced the fear.

Fortunately for me, I don’t fall during normal skiing, as long as I don’t try new stuff. It took several years of not falling for me to forget about it. Eventually, I had my “first fall” again and I got back up without thinking about it. And I got over it, just like that.

When the “normal, reasonable” recipe failed, it’s time to try some “unreasonable” ways! Smile

Beginner lesson, judo lesson are all good suggestions.

Or, leave her at home while you go skiing for the next trip, or mext winter? Give her time to forget about the fall and let the fear receed from memory.

snow reports

I've come across this often with friend's partners etc. and almost without exception, the nervy partner eventually gives up skiing. The confident partner can then continue to ski with the kids or other groups which relieves the reluctant half from the pressure and anxiety of putting themselves through something which they'd rather not do.

Being honest is the key.

IainMcT, I'm with clarky999 here. Does you wife actually want to ski? Really. Or is she just going through all this for you?
Some people just don't enjoy skiing. Nothing you can do about it. So it goes.

You know it makes sense.

As well as all the other advice above I'd also suggest being very picky about the weather. Ideally, she should only go out on perfect 'bluebird' days. That's not really feasible, but do avoid any days with white-outs, flat light or extreme cold. If that means only skiing a couple of half-days during the week then so be it. Nothing destroys confidence faster than poor visibility. I also suggest you adopt my wife's attitude - i.e. skiing is merely a means of transport to get you from one mountain restaurant to another. Food, warmth and alcohol are all good for the confidence.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

I do think some people don't like skiing. It's very hard to believe but if they don't want to do it, or enjoy the thrill, you can't make them.

Even though I still feel the fear (don't we all go looking for that a bit?) I loved skiing from the first moment I slid down the horrible scraped ice at Tamworth.

On the other hand my sister, despite deciding to take her whole family skiing after hearing about my adventures (and doing a really good job of organising the whole trip herself with no experience) totally hated it.

When it came to it, something about the reality of skiing just didn't sit with her psychologically. I think she doesn't want that fear, even though she's happy for her children to chuck themselves down a mountain. Very Happy

Go figure.

A snowHead

To be honest this thread on re-reading rings all the usual alarm bells. One partner who is not keen on skiing at all being put through an endless cycle of alternative approaches so the partner who is keen can continue to participate.

I'd suggest you show this thread to your wife and ask her honestly, if the fear of falling was taken away would she enjoy skiing in itself , the sensation of sliding, making turns etc etc.

A snowHead

FWIW. This would be my advice - having seen Lady F go from a terrified novice to a competent advanced skier...and she was young and injury free.
1. Avoid group lessons, as this just adds extra pressure ie. A lot of ladies do not like making a fool of themselves in front of a class and do not want to be the one holding the class up.

2. Make sure the skis and boots are suitable and comfortable.

3. Private lessons with a native English speaker, with whom your wife has confidence in and fully trusts. She is likely to do better if it is just her and the instructor.

4. Confidence is crucial - it takes a long time to build up and seconds to lose....So avoid, as far as possible, situations that are likely to remove it. ie. Crowded times like the end of the day/flat light/icy runs etc. Pistes are usually best, first thing in the morning and lunchtime is often quieter.

5. When skiing together, make sure you have picked suitable runs....even if that means sussing them out first. Getting a little lost and having to ski something unsuitable to get back, can undo all the good built up over a few days.

6. Make sure your Wife is as fit as possible

7. You have picked your Resort now....but I would have suggested for a future holiday, to go for a much quieter, lesser known resort, which mostly consists of lots of very easy skiing.

There is usually no quick fix....but an incremental building of confidence, on easy terrain, with good, patient instruction. Confidence comes from technique and technique builds confidence.

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

You need to Login to know who's really who.

I don't think there is a magic fix, and for some people alpine skiing is just not something they will ever learn to love. This can be frustrating for a partner who does love skiing, but there are plenty of ways of enjoying a winter holiday in the mountains, so I'd echo the advice above that putting to much pressure on a partner so they "will enjoy it" seems to be a shortcut to ensuring nobody enjoys the holiday. My partner doesn't enjoy skiing in bad weather or poor light, so she chooses not to. When the conditions are too poor for her I have the choice of skiing while she reads, goes for a walk, takes a swim, etc, or I can stay with her and we do something together away from the pistes. To us it seems to be the best way of maximising our enjoyment.

I've taught a few people with this level of fear, always indoors. Most people make improvements, which I hope (and have had reported back to me) translates to improved confidence when they get out to the mountains. For some of those people the improvement in skills & control can be very slow, but you do so occasional breakthroughs which translate in to a confidence boost. I saw this with a client a couple of months ago, who suddenly found much more grip with her skis moving around the turn with much more stability, rather than wobbling around in a disconcerting manner. It was a real breakthrough for her, measured mainly by the size of her smile and the obvious confidence boost. In my experience confidence grows hand in hand in control, and for some people this can be a slow process to acquire those skills, and for others it might not be worth spoiling what should be an enjoyable holiday to try and overcome their human nature.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

You'll need to Register first of course.

Here's a pseudo-scientific test: Does she like roller-coasters?

Roller coasters are probably several orders of magnitude less dangerous than skiing and the chances are she hasn't ever hurt herself on a roller-coaster. However, they do have a similar thrill.

If she likes roller-coasters or can even tolerate them there's a chance she'll like skiing, if not I would guess skiing is never going to seem like fun.

(My sisters loathes roller-coasters)

Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

After all it is free

My old man took a couple of big hits on his first week skiing and bruised quite badly, so spent his second week really nervous about falling. However because he'd spent the money to get there he was keen to get value so persevered and he's now a the point where he has enough confidence in his skiing that he's pretty much over it. By comparison, my mum fell and hurt herself within the first 2 hours of strapping on a pair of skis, she decided at that point that she didn't want to completely ruin her leg so hasn't been skiing since.

I think a lot of the problem with people having a fear of falling is that it's self-fulfilling, they ski so stiff and rigid that, if they do fall, they're more likely to get hurt.

*Ski* the Net with snowHeads

snowHeads are a friendly bunch.

Dmitri - My son loves skiing and has no fear of black runs, ice, moguls etc but hates roller coasters.

I think it takes longer than a week to know if one is going to like skiing or not as for most people it takes a few weeks to get the hang of the basic skills and build up confidence.

I also think that if you put off doing something you are worried about the worry gets bigger in ones mind. I would have thought a psychologist would say that if you have a phobia you have to confront it to get over it..eg. if it is spiders picking up a spider, if flying going on a plane etc. If the OPs wife was able to overcome her fear by giving skiing another try she would get a huge confidence boost and also possibly enjoy skiing.

snow reports

@IainMcT, firstly, welcome to Snowheads.

I can identify totally with what you are saying, as I was that person a few years ago, living in total fear of sliding, hating any slope and in tears before a group lesson. I had two pretty bad weeks of skiing in the late 80s and said I'd never go again, but landed up doing so 7 years ago against every instinct I had. Within 2.5 years we owned our own apartment and last year (now we're retired) skied for about 10 weeks; if someone told me I could never ski again I would be devastated.

The main thing is to let HER decide what works and doesn't, and then just support her in making those things happen. @Old Fartbag's list of 7 points is a very good starting point. For me, it turned out that the right instructor was the key to unlocking everything else, and keeping going back to him gave a level of consistency about what I was being taught. It also helps that he's a psychologist. I still take lessons with him a few times a season, but he skis with me every day in my head. If I get into a tight spot, I just focus on what he would say and do it. I'm never going to be a fast and furious skier, but I love skiing and that's all that matters. And I still don't like roller-coasters...... Sad

@Dmitri, I don't much like roller-coasters, I do (much) like skiing. I think your test is flawed, possibly your sample size of 1 is too small. Smile

To the OP, as no-one has mentioned it yet, it's worth laying off the coffee at breakfast etc. Too much caffeine can increase anxiety.

You know it makes sense.

Get her on a snowboard.

Only 1 plank = 50% easier than skiing on 2 planks.

And do balancing classes, at the gym or on YouTube, for at least 3 months before hitting the slopes.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

@Whitegold, you’ll be lucky to find any balance on YouTube.

A snowHead

@Tubaski, sigh. OK maybe we should forget the roller-coaster test Happy

I think we can at least agree with @sj1608 that it's what she wants that's important.

A snowHead

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

Couples don't have to do everything together. Separate holidays can make good sense if they have very different hobbies.
Yes. Two people who want to be together but who have very different levels of proficiency never ends well, from what I've seen to date.

I have bought have a ski meditation / confidence building CD and am considering an appointment with a hypnotist or sports psychologist for my wife.
I realize this is the internet so it's probably not what you meant, but ...
If my girlfriend tried to teach me how to play piano at Grade 8 using that approach it would not work.
Who wants her to do this, exactly?
The idea of people forcing themselves to ski seems nuts.

You need to Login to know who's really who.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

You'll need to Register first of course.

Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

To be fair, if there was one big name resort I’d recommend in this situation ADH would probably be it. There are acres and acres of fairly flat nursery slopes right above the village which are great for building confidence on
Aside from that, fair play to your missus for giving it another try.

After all it is free

Echo all of the advice above, so not much to add. I was a very nervous skier and the thing that made me most nervous was not knowing where my instructor was going to take me at very the start of the lesson and, to be frank, thereafter all the way through. I lived in fear about what was in store at the top of the next lift.

I really think the key is an instructor who you book on the basis that your wife is very nervous, and who is primed to listen to the fears and be reassuring from the moment she gets on the first lift -preferably a lift for a short, gentle slope where she can see the top from the bottom and therefore has an idea what it will be like. I hate to say it, but a female instructor is probably going to feel more reassuring to your wife.

*Ski* the Net with snowHeads

Masterclass in ADH come highly recommended (but they were fully booked when I tried to get a lesson so I can't vouch for it), especially their one-on-ones.

However, as @Cheeesy168, a good idea to start a dedicated thread for informed advice

http://www.masterclass-ski.co.uk/

Help!!

Fear / phobia of skiing

snowHeads Forum Index >>> The Piste