 Poster: A snowHead
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Always a contentious topic, and honestly, just how many 'intermediates' can there be in the world?
However the Ski Club approach of grading by colour doesn't really do it for me as colours don't convey the full variety of abilities and styles we have all seen on the slopes.
So by popular request (well maggi asked on another thread) , I thought I'd bring the proposed new grading system over to the 'piste' for further discussion.
Now I have it on good authority (from everyone who's seen me ski), that I in fact ski like a gonk. I'm not a complete beginner, so this is clearly the lowest level grading after beginner, or to put it another way, the first level of intermediate.
Just above my skill level, I understand the next stage is 'bag of spanners', which clearly I hope to progress towards and maybe even attain in a season or two.
After this things get more confusing but the consensus seems to be that 'Incompetent Knobhead' is probably next, a level of skiing to which I can only aspire.
but what comes next.....?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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After 23 years I believe I have attained the lofty heights of 'can manage any slope but style and control disappears when too steep/bumpy or rubbish conditions'. Which normally gets shortened to 'intermediate' but I'd welcome another tag!
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Competent Knobhead maybe?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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no no no no!!!!
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Axsman, Im having a problem with the 'Bag of Spanners' being so low in the ratings ... as we know spanners can be useful and they can articulate (sp??) .. so Skiing like a plank of wood ( with or without Inner Leg Tip Lead extension) should probably be the base ...
The only difference between 'Gonk' and 'Incompetent Knobhead' seems to be the addition of stupidity ( or 2 Jagerbombs) .. above 'Incompetent Knobhead' , we obviously have ' Self-delusionary Incompetent Knobhead ' ... from where one can progress ( post the ACL repair) to F'ing Dangerous Jerk .....
Alas beyond that I can not even imagine .. let alone aspire.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Agenterre, Using "plank of wood" is confusing, as a ski is, traditionally, a plank of wood.
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| Agenterre wrote: |
| .. so Skiing like a plank of wood ( with or without Inner Leg Tip Lead extension) should probably be the base ... |
I was once told I ski like a lamppost if that helps.
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Ok to summarise so far we seem to have a progressive scale :
Beginner
Plank (of wood)
Gonk
Bag of spanners (useless)
Incompetent knobhead
Bag of spanners (useful)
Self delusionary knobhead
F'ing dangerous jerk
Lamppost
I think we're making real progress 
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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I spend several days each season doing 'wombat'. Where does that fit in?
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What ever standard it should be normalised to SBS (Standard British Skier) - can get down anything but often falls over on blacks; struggles in powder and moguls 
So:
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Self delusionary knobhead
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is equivalent to SBS
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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Axsman, ...... and there has to be at least another 80+ levels of 'Inter-thingy' above that ( or maybe Lampost is quite an advanced level ) ... somewhere yUu have to fit in 'Why is everyone laughing at me?' and 'All the latest gear so cant afford lessons'
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Axsman, How about a "weeble", they wobble but they don't fall down.
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You know it makes sense.
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"tranquilised giraffe" was one of my favourites from SZK
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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I presume that a tranquilised giraffe skier skis in a lolloping style. So, that must surely fit in one side or the other of useless bag of spanners.
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Poster: A snowHead
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yes SBS is a real phenomena.
Mrs Ed and I occassionally shout at them- in English but with continental accents "learn tooo skiii you Eengeesh" etc.
Bum out, shoulders hunched and rotated across the piste, standing in Mogul field discussing asking mates how this is done etc etc etc
we've all been an SBS which just makes it worse....
there's no loathing worse than self-loathing
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Axsman - Somewhere beyond beginner is surely that classical "on-the-crapper" style
May I suggest Kami-Kharzi ? or Bog Hog?
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Well, isn't that progress?
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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oohhhhhh, lamppost grade, that will do for me
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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"Wedding dancer"
Someone who has all the moves they learnt badly at least 15 years ago or that they saw the kidz doing in a ski movie but can't quite pull off.
Example me -erm a random punter- doing some crappy wedels down a slope before tragically attempting the last 10 yards "switch".
In the same vein
"blue run hero"
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Without wishing to complain but 'knobhead' whether incompetent or self-delusionary sounds rather gender-specific to me...
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queen bodecia, dunno, I think it is equally likely that both men and women could have a pint on their forehead. Or any part of their head.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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Maybe for some people, but definitely not for me! Let's leave this conversation right here shall we...? Snigger...
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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A certain ski instructor once described my turns as "demented banana". I think this should be a step on the ladder - the high-end of intermediate, when the skier fools him/herself about having become really good, and hence contorts into positions meant to approximate those of extreme carvers and racers 
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Right this is coming along marvellously. where before we had, beginner, interFingmediate, expert, now we have:
Beginner - B
Bog Hog - BH
Khami Kaarzi - KK
Plank (of wood) - P
Gonk - G
Wombat - WM
Weeble - WB
Bag of spanners (useless) BoSu
Standard British Incompetent knobhead Skier - SBIKS
Bag of spanners (useful) BoSu (bollux, could be a problem here!)
Self delusionary incompetent knobhead lacking in self awareness and subject of general mirth - SDIKLISAASOGM
All the latest gear so can't afford lessons - T0SSER
Wedding Dancer - WD
Blue run hero - BRH
F'ing dangerous jerk - FDJ
Lamppost - L
Careers could be made pondering all the ramifications of this new system. Maybe we could get, (sharp intake of breath) European Funding!
I particularly like the possibility that the top grade could be distinguished from the lesser grades (WD and below) by wearing an 'L' plate
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Excellent! I hereby claim weeble status...
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You know it makes sense.
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Axsman, I'd like to take issue with 'Khami Kaarzi'. Other than the fact that it has essentially lifted your coveted 'Gonk' status a stage higher (  ), it would also suggest a degree of recklessness which is the reason that the fact it is below the 'Plank' does not sit well with me. Plank says to me, 'a rigid skier' - if you're too rigid you can't be terribly kamikazee (which, of course, 'Khami Kaarzi' sounds quite like, you have to admit). Could I, therefore, request that it sits just above 'Plank' (or indeed 'Gonk'  ). A KK skier has relaxed, thereby bringing about a bit more separation, leading to a move back towards the toilet seat position, having spent the previous week bolt upright.
Naturally, I think that it would be best if we didn't have any Klueless Khami Kaarzi (KKK) members... 
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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| queen bodecia wrote: |
| Excellent! I hereby claim weeble status... |
Lo Bob
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Poster: A snowHead
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sorry, whats the classification for someone who thinks theyre good?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Being 6'5" and crap, I identify with the 'tranquilised Giraffe' tag, but a sedated giraffe would still have more balance, and look more elegant than me (and have more chance of getting down a red). I'm nowhere near a weeble....I wish! So I'll have to declare myself a proud Plank.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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| Axsman wrote: |
| So by popular request (well maggi asked on another thread) , I thought I'd bring the proposed new grading system over to the 'piste' for further discussion |
Oooh, thank you Axsman, I just love a man who does what he's told
Much better than the boring old SKGB's, Gold, Purple, Pink with yellow spots on etc gradings.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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We should all realise that this chart is not merely unidimensional - it should have at least two axes, if not three. If we work with two axes, they could be "level of technical ineptitude" and "(lack of) grace". The third one could be "danger to self and others"
For example, I think you can be a Weeble and a Wedding Dancer at the same time.
This being snowheads, I guess somebody could actually put all this into a nice graph.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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I particularly like the possibility that the top grade could be distinguished from the lesser grades (WD and below) by wearing an 'L' plate
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Sorry for previous posting, I hit the wrong button.
What I wanted to say was:-
wrote:
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I particularly like the possibility that the top grade could be distinguished from the lesser grades (WD and below) by wearing an 'L' plate
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Maybe it should be a "V" plate, to match the skis.
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skisimon, Having put your well reasoned argument to the ESWGC*, it was accepted with only a couple of votes against and of course an abstention from Belgium. Oh and France wanted further research and a ban on imports.
So yes Khami Khazi. while denoting an 'on the pot' position, does indicate a more aggressive approach, and so has been elevated above Gonk. While crushed by the diminution of my previous status, I cannot fault the logic.
The committee also noticed that 'Giraffe' (Tranquilised or Sedated) had been missed off the list and voted unanimously (except for Belgium of course) to review it's inclusion at the next quarterly meeting, as item 46 on the agenda, just after the tea and hobnobs.
gdizzle in the commitees view, The skiers opinion of their own ability is irrelevant to their actual ability as perceived by independent observers, save that it may qualify them as SDIKLISAASOGM rather than SBIKS.
horizon, The committee finds favour with your multi-dimensional suggestion, which clearly takes the whole grading concept to a new, er, dimension. On reflection, and by way of illustration, my own abilities are probably fully encapsulated by the gradings:
Gonk,
Self delusionary incompetent knobhead lacking in self awareness and subject of general mirth,
Weebling Wedding Dancer or,
G-SDIKLISAASOGM-W-WD for short.
Maybe we could get badges made?
*European Skiing Wazzack Grading Committee,
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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JT, well - then you get onto the gradings for Ski Instructors... 
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