 Poster: A snowHead
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As promised I hereby launch the official SH 'Thicko Club' members thread.
The intent of this thread is to post instructions that you can recall receiving from ski instructors which have a) gone completely over your head, b) made you think I'm not doing that in a month of Sundays, c) sounded like they were being spoken in an alien tongue, d) or were particularly memorable for any other reasons
I will suggest that the instructor/school in question isn't named for obvious reasons, and maybe our own brilliant SH's instructors would like to provide appropriate interpretation if necessary of what could have been meant.
For starters I'll do a b)
I was once playing 'follow me' with an instructor - I was doing rather well approaching what I knew was a steeper pitch about 100 yards long. I knew I could ski it, but there were lots of people on it, so the instructor drops off the side of the piste down a similar pitch to a well flattened turning point about 5 metres square bangs in a turn and I wasn't with him. Why? 'cos the turning point had a sheer drop on either side - the more I looked at it, the more I thought 'not on your Nelly'. After what seemed an age I disappeared and skied the pitch I was familiar with and dodged all the bodies. It is one of the few times that I haven't done as I was asked but it was in a completely different league to being asked to pretend to be an aeroplane 
Last edited by Poster: A snowHead on Wed 15-10-14 22:13; edited 1 time in total
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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plier les genoux, suivez-moi
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bof
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Megamum, i'm going to offer up a c) on my second ever lesson instructor bawled "big toe, big toe, big toe" like a stuck record. Er that was it, that was the instruction ! great lesson that one 
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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c) A lot of my early days of skiing were in southern Austria (Kärnten). The ski instructors typically spoke German and Italian but not many English speaking people visted that area of Austria to ski. I was often the only English person in the ski group. Other members in the group would try and translate for me but often there wasn't enough time for a detailed explanation so I would have to wing it. I'd read ski instruction books at night so with my very limited German and by seeing what the others in the group did first I would try to work out what the drill was and execute it. Once I was the second person to do a drill, the first skier lifted her leg up in the air as she skied across the slope so I did the same right across the slope. Turns out the only reason her leg was up in the air was because she was struggling to keep balance, the ski instructor was more bewildered than FranzClammer.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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d) "Get down here you pecker-head"
(it didn't work) 
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d) Gledhill! WTF! I'm embarrassed to have you as a client. 
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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"I really don't know how you're doing that" . . . eosb off-piste lesson.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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One I fondly remember is a French guide sent through a list of things to bring along for touring session I was on.
Avalanche probe
shovel
spare gloves
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chocolate bar
250 grammes cheese (beaufort)
As if cheddar or edam wouldn't work 
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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While pausing at the side of the piste during a lesson in Mammoth on a rather beautiful bluebird day...
"Y'know its on days like this when the sun is out the sky is blue and theres fresh snow, I often just like to stop for a moment and think about Jesus..."
Oooookay <O>
To be fair, he was a great teacher, a pleasure to ride with and an all round nice guy, we got loads out of the lesson and an invite to the church for a bible study class that evening...
We didn't go but we did prey to some spirits most holy in the bar...
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Richard_Sideways, I have to say that made me laugh
I spent a whole lesson being taught by an instructor of visually senior years being asked to ski with skis together and turn by pushing out my heels in what seemed a very old school way having been told that I didn't need to carve, but instead that I needed to ski 'elegantly'. I did as I was asked completely to his satisfaction, but put it down to experience and never skied like that again!!
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You know it makes sense.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Poster: A snowHead
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skimottaret, can't think how anyone could contemplate fuelling themselves for a day up a mountain with Edam (or a day on the beach for that matter). Beaufort cheese is the only thing you can't get cheaper in the whole world than in Les Saisies.
An elderly Scottish instructor once told my sister and me that we were "spry". She pointed out afterwards that it was a word which would not normally be used for anyone under 65 (and we were well under 65 at the time.....)
A French instructor gave me the useful rhyme "Si L'Aiguille verte ne veut pas, Mont Blanc ne peut pas". I had pointed out a hopeful cloud hat on Mont Blanc during a long period of snow drought and he pointed out that the AV was clear, so no go for snow.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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freestyle instructor, on my first half-pipe in Saas Fee one July a few years back.
"That's not how you f@@king do it! Look at your girlfriend, who can actually ski!"
Lady F had sped down the pipe, executed a perfect "Allez-oops" (pop, reverse 270 degree rotation, back into the pipe). I had gone in far too fast, bottled it at the lip, attempted to jump out of the pipe (???) failed, and slid back in on my back, head first, both skis following me separately.
Gnarly.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Harry Flashman, hope you claimed the trick once you'd stopped sliding along on your face.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Big time. No-one bought it. 
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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worst one was ....... make zee banana, make zee banana - still not 100% sure what he wanted
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Hello Megamum, please may I join your thickos group? Just read where it came from (intermidiot? I can't even understand what they're talking about!) so I might feel more at home here
To add to the conversation, I was once told to feel the tops of my feet on my boots. The tops of my feet are not my most sensitive area, haven't a clue what he was talking about.
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geoff10, He was talking total flexion
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Ah. ALQ, that's the problem. What is total flexion? I am a thicko, and a bit scared to ask about techie stuff on the main forum. Responses can be a bit brutal.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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ALQ,
Shirley it was a whole load of flexion
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"What are you doing, you ski like bunnies!" (In Austrian accent). Our instructor then proceeded to show us what he meant by running around with his arms waving above his head, as a rabbit's ears would do.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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Sitter, having seen some ski lessons are you certain that was an observation of your skiing ability and not an instruction/demonstration for some inventive 'take your mind off of your feet' drill.
geoff10, you are entirely welcome in the 'thicko club' SH area. Perhaps to be aware of the top of your foot on the inside of the top of the boot would indicate that you had flexed you knee and ankle sufficiently. However, I would think that feeling the top of your foot on that surface of the boot would negate some of the weight that you would normally press through the sole of the boot with onto the ski - so 'yes' your confusion is a valid a) category response and entirely worthy of membership in the thicko group.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Thankyou, Megamum, for your understanding of my thickoness. Am often described as thick as 2 short planks.
Now, about the tops of my feet, does ANYONE have any idea what the instructor was talking about? It has stuck with me, and worried me these last few years.
And yes, I do sort of know about ankle flexion, and weight on the front end of the ski, but the idea that I would deliberately try to lift the front of my skis scares me a lot!
Hoping for less brutal comments than from the Intermidiots thread!
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| geoff10 wrote: |
Thankyou, Megamum, for your understanding of my thickoness. Am often described as thick as 2 short planks.
Now, about the tops of my feet, does ANYONE have any idea what the instructor was talking about? It has stuck with me, and worried me these last few years.
And yes, I do sort of know about ankle flexion, and weight on the front end of the ski, but the idea that I would deliberately try to lift the front of my skis scares me a lot!
Hoping for less brutal comments than from the Intermidiots thread! |
When making a footbed, some boot fitters will get you to firm up the arch* by pulling your feet or toes upwards**. There is a school of thought that you should do this while skiing. Makes for a stronger platform.
* being a thicko I don't know the technical term but it feels like this.
** for the extra thick, you don't do this by grabbing them 
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You know it makes sense.
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Whilst I was doing my training course for level 1, our trainer taught us the classic 'rise roll steer' cue for initiating the turn. The only problem was that with his thick NZ/SA accent we heard 'stare' instead of 'steer', so were dutifully following him down the hill, rising, rolling and then looking really hard! It doesn't help very much.
I am sure my spanish and portuguese has resulted in similar confusion, maybe even my english as well!
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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FAQ
