Fear / phobia of skiing

A snowHead

Thank you for the advice everyone.

Firstly my wife owns and runs three businesses. If you knew her you would realise I have two hopes of controlling her.

We generally book holidays together. We spent Sunday on the sofa with the iPads and concluded together that Alpe d’Huez was a good resort for beginners. With one weeks skiing I also consider myself a beginner. The hotel, restaurant and spa facilities are also important to us. If anyone has any suggestions of alternative resorts we would be very grateful.

Yes, I am aware that my wife may never like skiing. She wants to try again. She is very busy so I wanted to find out about the possibility of hypnotherapy or a psychologist. She used a hypnotist several years ago to stop smoking without success so is a bit skeptical.

Really great advice, thank you everyone. I’ve already sent her the link to this thread.

A snowHead

Maybe try Easiski. Charlotte is a bit of a specialist with nervous skiers.

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

IainMcT, well done for such a measured and calm response to some quite harsh comments on this thread.
I wish you and your wife Best of Luck and Best Wishes on your quest.
May the Skis Be With You.

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@Dmitri, Yes...but I think she has gone to ADH in the past

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Have you considered smaller resorts where the focus is a holiday with some skiing, rather than a ski holiday?

My wife was (and still is to some extent) nervous, but is relaxed on short and simple runs now. A large Alpine resort can be quite intimidating as you can’t see where the lift goes.

Some of the tiny resorts we go to in Poland are ideal for beginners for that exact reason. They can get quite boring from a pure skiing point of view, but for your needs have a think about somewhere like that as it seemed to work well.

Also don’t overdo the lessons, too much in one day is really difficult to get through. 3 hours feels like a lifetime when you’re struggling.

After all it is free

@IainMcT, when we first went I spent ages choosing the resort. Whilst somewhere gentle to practice was important, I now realise that with the right instructor it doesn't matter too much where you ski. I was used to being in command in the rest of my life, and taking on board the psychology of the fear - not only of the slopes, but also of looking stupid - was the key to turning me into someone who loves to ski.

If it were me, with the benefit of a few years of hindsight, I'd concentrate on identifying the best instructor for her (not necessarily 'the best', but the best for what she needs), probably someone who specialises in nervous skiers and is a native or near-native English speaker. Once you've found the right person, then you've found the right place to go.

Oh also a female instructor made a massive difference!

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Minus the unfortunate injury to your wife (hope she's ok now), I had almost this exact situation with a friend of ours who was absolutely terrified on anything but the most gentle of slopes. Even some gentle greens filled her with dread.

The solution in our particular case was for me to borrow a set of forcefield motocross armour off one of my biking buddies wives.

It's thin and light and fit under her ski stuff. It took a lot of coaxing but eventually her confidence started to build once she realised it didnt hurt anymore when she fell and she was able to remove it after a few days. Theres virtually no chance of serious injury from impact on a nursery slope if you're wearing something like that along with a decent helmet. You can even extend it with impact shorts like a snowboarder would wear.

Just a different approach. Obviously a very individual situation.

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I am led to believe I am a reasonably aggressive and competent skier and I hate even the idea of roller coasters.

I mean, why, why would you?

You know it makes sense.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

A snowHead

A snowHead

@holidayloverxx, @rob@rar, you are going to tell me you love turbulence next.

Mr Xanax

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@IainMcT, given that your wife wants to try again, and you've picked a resort, I think your priority now should be to find the right instructor. It might be worth starting a new thread with a specific title as many Alpe d'Huez experts may not read this one.

The other suggestion I have is to make sure that when you ski together, you only ski runs that she has done already (and is happy on). That way, you minimise the fear of the unknown. Ask her instructor where they've been, and what was good - then stick to those runs, until she says she wants to try others. Then try to avoid runs you yourself haven't done yet: nothing destroys new-found confidence more quickly than being forced to go down an unexpectedly steep/narrow/icy/bumpy/crowded run. If you are confident that there's nothing nasty round the corner, that will help.

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@mgrolf, going back tonthe control thing, I am quite happy in a small plane sitting beside the pilot.

After all it is free

I love roller coasters which was great when I went to Florida with my son some years ago. I went on more rides than even I thought possible. We did all the ones in Orlando and Busch Gardens. My favourite was the Incredible Hulk ride at Universal. I suppose it’s a bit like fear of heights. I’m fine with all ski lifts and things where I feel secure, but put me on the edge of a cliff with no barrier and I’d freak out.

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@IainMcT, I also found Masterclass in ADH brilliant. The day that my husband and I had with the instructor (I can’t remember his name sadly) taught me more and gave me more confidence than all previous four holidays’ worth of lessons put together. I was able to ski thorough a complete zero visibility white out the days after, which I’d never have dared before. I might add that I am a very nervous skier too, after I fell on a mogul and injured my knee during my first skiing holiday in St Anton. Unfortunately I then took a small tumble on an easy red in Cervinia the year after (this year) and tore the ACL in my other knee, but that’s another story.

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Lots of wise advice above.
After injury, fear of further pain and problems is natural and takes a good while to let go of. You've got to want to get rid of it too: easy if the sport or activity is your raison d'etre, not so easy for an activity you may not yet be sure about.
Hypnotherapy could help (trained as a therapist myself) but again it only works well if you really want the outcome (and then not for everyone anyway) - hence why not often great for enforced smoking cessation. She could try at home just closing her eyes, calming and breathing deeply (assuming not contraindicated) and visualising really happy, enjoyable, easy (etc) days out on the piste - including laughing when she falls, rolling over and skiing off, etc, and not suffering any pain or further trauma, recognising that it's natural to have some fear but not necessary to let it stop your enjoyment when it's not certain that what you fear will happen (kind of the short version and not easy, I know).
Fun has to be the name of the game though; the ability to laugh at yourself and the conditions where you can't do anything but. Whilst feeling safe, of course. And wearing lots of padding. And having really nice soft snow to fall onto. And, fundamentally, still wanting to get back on the horse again and give it another go.
Wouldn't advise snowboarding if pain provokes this kind of response. Been there, done that Laughing

P.S. if you want a fun destination, hopefully with nice snow, other things to do, cozy log cabins, short and easy runs, good instructors - try Finland. Some really cheap deals on Crystal at the mo. Very different experience from the Alpine resorts.

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@IainMcT, also @admin has some great advice about group lessons at the beginning that might not be totally obvious why it would help.

While it’s a lovely romantic thing to ski together all the time, at the beginning people can naturally progress at different rates just as a matter of preference. Especially. At the beginning. The group lessons give you other people with the same preferences. Then you can ski together out of class.

Once you get a few weeks under your skis it’s not so much of an issue but you may well find you sometimes go off with different groups for different types of days throughout your skiing careers.

You know it makes sense.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

A snowHead

@Dmitri, All I can tell you, is that group lessons were Lady F's very definition of hell....and she would never have learned to ski, if she had persisted with them.

There are too many variables...you can't choose the Instructor, or the other class members.

With Private lessons, you can choose your instructor...and with advice, one that specialises in nervous cases.....and you can go at your own pace.

No matter how well a Class is put together, there is usually a spectrum of talent within that class.

There is no doubt, that there are people who do like being in a class....but it has been my experience, that it is seldom people who are really nervous.

A snowHead

@philwig, it is a funny phrase, “scared of flying”. I’m not scared in the slightest, just viscerally uncomfortable when it’s very choppy (or worse). The odd thing is that the absolute movements/accelerations are usually way less than a bumpy old BR train bouncing along.

An extension to which, an acquaintance years ago was ex-RAF, commercial pilot, albeit at the time on a corporate gig. He loathed, and admitted being most uncomfortable, flying when he wasn’t at the controls.

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

@Old Fartbag, I think it’s different strokes for different folks.

Some people like the additional camaraderie... other people like to have lots of attention from the instructor.

If one thing isn’t working.. try another wink

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IainMcT, welcome

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This describes my (normally fearless) wife to a T. She has a tremendous fear of going downhill, whether it's hiking or skiing, but a couple of years ago she decided to try alpine skiing (she had always done ski du fond) so she could ski with me and our kids. Her first effort went OK, taking a beginner lesson at Les Saisies with a friend), and her second try (last year took a week of private lessons in Valloire with a very sympa ESF instructor) also went fine, but she managed to fall and rip a tendon in her little finger, which has now made her terrified of falling. She is stuck on the grading system -- in her mind, a red run means certain death, whereas a green means she can do it.

I think this will be a make or break year for her. I am not at all interfering; I'm trying to let her come to the sport naturally, but if she continues to feel fear rather than exhilaration i think she ought to just drop it -- for one thing, skiing is too expensive and there's too much gear etc. to do it out of duty.

At the base of her issues with skiing is fear -- which translates into tension, which then means an inability to react to the terrain or conditions. So unless she figures out a way to conquer that, it's probably hopeless.

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I’m surprised this thread has got so far and no one has mentioned the book “Inner Skiing” by Timothy Gallwey:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inner-Skiing-Gallwey/dp/0679778276?tag=amz07b-21

It seems to help some and is often recommended.

Remember, as adults we have grown up used to direct, grippy contact with the ground. Whether walking, running, cycling or driving, we usually go exactly where our legs (or arms) want. Only very occasionally will we come across slippy ground - which we tend to treat with great caution.

Skiing is probably the first time where we’ve actively embraced a sliding contact. Only when our brain understands that we can control this slide will we override the years of conditioning that says this is dangerous.

After all it is free

One of the major sources of the fear is fear of loosing the control. I think, as soon we learn how to control the skis, how to stop at any time, how to control speed, that basically we are in the control of most of it, then fear is gone and we start to enjoy the freedom of skiing.
1. learn how to fall safely and practise this every day
2. learn and practise stopping at anytime, ie hokey stop
3. practise controlling the speed while turning, which basically requires understanding of skiing technic
4. get sense of speed from other activity like cycling
5. work on fitness and body agility

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Fear / phobia of skiing

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