 Poster: A snowHead
|
| Quote: |
The collective noun for a group of snowboarders is a squat
|
surely it is a heard...you know, like cattle grazing in the middle of the slope
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
| CEM wrote: |
| Quote: |
The collective noun for a group of snowboarders is a squat
|
surely it is a herd...you know, like cattle grazing in the middle of the slope |
Fixed it for you 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
Tom Doc, Haven't you heard of cows?
|
|
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
Mr Piehole, I think I witnessed that! 
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
|
Mr Piehole, I think I witnessed that!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
In a cold winter a farmers cows were frozen to the ground
an old Lady appeared and moved amongst the cows stroking each one
and they became un frozen
The farmer approached the lady and said you are wonderful, tell me your name
with a smile the kindly Lady replied
.
.
.
.
Thora Hird 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My first job abroad (ski tech) was the most amazing two months of my life. It ended abruptly when a silly school girl left her camera in the bar area. My parts were actually not on show, but apparently was a lot of breast and pint shots of other employees were. Everyone in the hotel was sacked. Still look back on that job as the best ever.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
Earlier this year I was coming down the Biche piste from the Saulire lift into Meribel - for the uninitiated it starts off as a huge wide blue piste that then splits into a blue/red depending on which side you take.
I had taken the blue side and had built up a fair lick of speed - 70kmh+ certainly. I realised I was going a bit fast and proceeding to perform a large sweeping turn across the piste to shave off some speed before the piste narrowed/steepened further down.
Just as I went between two fairly distant piste markers I became acutely aware they were both on the same side of the piste. With a despairing wail of "SHHHHHHHHHHH**********TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEE" I plunged off the elevated side of the piste.
I was lucky in that I suffered only a ten foot drop or so into powder, but going from 50kmh to 0 fair knocked the wind out me. After collecting my sunglasses and other gear from a blast radius of 20 yards I had to trudge across 50 metres of no man's land to the adjoining red piste while a group of skiers who had watched the whole episode enthusiastically slow-clapped me.
I had the grace to bow upon arrival at least.
Also earlier this year, different holiday though:
Coming up to a lift in Arc 1600, heading back up towards 1800/2000. I'm skiing with some friends of my parents, who I know maybe 2 of reasonably well, out of a group of ten, which includes 4 brothers, one of whom is notoriously short tempered.
Three of the brothers and one other guy are in front of me and are awaiting a swiftly approaching 4 pack lift.
I look round to see if my aunt and her partner are going to make it up to the barrier to get the next chair with me, then look back round just in time to notice that i have slipped through the barrier and the incoming chair for the previously mentioned 4 guys is about a yard away. It promptly scoops me up, and as the lifty isn't paying attention fires me bowling ball like into the 4 people squatting down to sit on the lift.
Through divine intervention nobody is hurt and 4 of us end up safely on the chair... Except Angry Gerry who has been shunted off into a muddy, slushy puddle and is on his back ducking incoming chairs.
On the bright side, my helmet cam caught the whole thing and this season's ski DVD had an excellent outtakes section. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| under a new name wrote: |
| Mr Piehole, I think I witnessed that! |
Yay! I've always hoped that somewhere on YouTube there's a video of it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
|
Some classics in this thread.
Last season I was in Niederau, having a go at the GS run that is open to the public. After a few decent runs, I approach the starting gate and notice a few groups of learners lining up parallel to the course. By this time not only did I think I was a WC racer, I actually thought that Didier Cuche was my understudy. What a fantastic opportunity to show off my leet sk1llz to this unassuming audience.
So I stroll up to the starting gate, with a swagger, and the air of "Yes, I am the ski racing champion of the universe... what of it?". I take my time adjusting my gloves, my goggles, oh yes the anticipation was building up quite nicely.
So with eyes on me, I start my run.
I was on the floor before I reached the FIRST gate 
|
|
|
|
|
|
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know it makes sense.
|
c0Ka|Ne, nice 
Not one of my confessions, but perhaps the funniest things I've seen when skiing, while I was on a university ski trip to Andorra. Skied with a group one afternoon which included a stunningly attractive girl, who was the archetypal dizzy blonde. At one point Ms Dizzy said that she was bursting for a pee and there was no way she could wait until we got to the bottom of the hill to use the toilets. We were on a relatively narrow piste, through some light trees, so it was agreed that she would head down a hundred metres and ski into the trees for an emergency pee. For reasons I still don't understand, nobody seemed to notice that this took her almost directly under a chairlift. Anyway, she sort of snowploughs her way down the piste and disappeared behind a big clump of bushes. A couple of minutes later we hear a loud scream and Ms Dizzy slides out backwards, still clipped in to her skis, with her salopettes and underwear around her ankles. Not being a strong skier, and somewhat encumbered by the clothing around her ankles, she has no control of her skis so heads backwards across the piste, shrieking. I'm not sure if the shrieking helped to attract the attention of the people in the chairlift above. I suspect they would have noticed her adventures in any case, but there was much cheering, in a range of languages.
She slithered backwards across the width of the piste and then dropped off the small shelf at the far side, coming to an ungainly stop sitting between her skis with her head below her feet, clothes still around her ankles. Shrieking. Her position meant that she was unable to either unclip her bindings or pull her clothes above her knees. There was about a dozen of us in our group and as the most experienced skier I felt it was my duty to zoom down the piste to render assistance. I thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do, so arrived on the scene well before everyone else. After a bit of fumbling I managed to unclip her skis, allowing her to struggle to her feet and adjust her attire. I think she said "thank you" but I was laughing so hard I pulled a muscle, so couldn't reply. Still makes me smile twenty years later.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
|
|
rob@rar: your story wins by a country mile ahead of anything else posted here. Thank you for sharing that with us.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poster: A snowHead
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
|
Hahaha.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
Was she blonde 'all over'?
|
|
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
As we're side-tracking this thread with cow jokes, another comes to mind....
A Farmer's little daughter runs into the kitchen to her mother shouting "Mum, the Bull's f****ing the Brown cow".
Her Mum says, "You mustn't say that dear, we have the Vicar coming round later. You must say the Bull's surprised the brown cow".
A little later while the Vicar is enjoying his cuppa, the little girl runs in and shouts, "The Bull's surprised the brown cow".
"Why is that dear?", asks the Vicar.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The reply comes back...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Because He's f***ing the black one"
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
Wewll it didn't involve actual skiing, but it was a ski trip:
Few years ago I had an operation for a Hiatus Hernia.
The surgeon warned me that one of the after effects might be that my insides became rather "windy" for a while as they settled down.
No kidding!!
So a few weeks later I was in a mountain restaurant in Verbier and had to do what I had to do. So I did.
However the men's loo was a one-room affair, and had no window....and the fan wasn't working.
So there I am doing my stuff....with added wind....without ventialtion.
The door handle rattles and I get the hurry-up from someone outside.
More wind.
And yet more!
I finish and leave....outside is a father with a son of about 7 years old. The kid is gripping his privates in that way that little kids do when they really need to go.
"About time" mutters the father.
"Enjoy" I mutter back.
Kid and father enter the men's room....and promptly stagger out, father exclaims "Oh My God" and gasps for air.
(At this point I mentally saluted the surgeon! He was spot on about the wind!))
"Daddy, Daddy....I can't go in there....but I have to go!"
Seconds later.....
"Daddy....I've weed myself!"
Father GLARES at me....I leave...hurridly!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
rob@rar, Must be a very common occurrence, givethe number of folk who have witnessed (or indded, performed) such a stint!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The walk of shame in the morning in fancy dress.. hey, but the guy is now my husband
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
My first ever T-bar ride was with an Austrian Instructor. It was a bit icy and I panicked and somehow pushed him off the edge of the ski lift embankment.
If that wasn't bad enough, I failed to listen when the instructor gave us numbers to signify who should follow him. He called out 'acht' and I stood there as he set off down the mountain. It took my group nearly twenty minutes to find him again!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Last Year in Samoens/Flaine skiing down one of the long reds (Faust i think) my friend i'm skiing with keeps stopping for reasons unbeknown to me. I ask why and he says he's about to suffer an Alex Ferguson moment any second and is feeling the sensation of what he called " a turtle head". I tell him to hurry up and we'll get down to the bottom but he had no choice but to kick his skis off there and then and find the nearest tree. There he is squatting, trousers round his ankles, about a metre off the side of the piste. The look on people's faces when they realised exactly what was going on as they got nearer was priceless. Snow just didn't cut it for the wiping up so his bobble hat is still up there...
Still the most i've laughed on a ski slope. Bet it happens quite a lot!!
Loved your story Rob@rar
|
|
|
|
|
|
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
|
rob@rar, superb story. Hilarious
Not totally dissimilar to an experience I had once.
Anyway, in La Ros many years ago with some friends. Kids all in ski school so a bunch of us headed out for the morning. It was very overcast and started to snow, clouds came down reducing visibility to mere feet. One of the group (female) decided she was bursting and couldn't wait until we stumbled into a piste side bar/restaurant.
We decided that, as the near white out effectively offered loads of natural privacy, she could essentially stop on some relatively level ground and just squat. After all, no-one could actually see anything, it was quiet, no-one else seemed to be around.
Only, just as she had undone everything and began to squat, the wind picked up and shifted the bank of cloud, sufficiently to reveal that she had stopped in the middle of a blue run that we had been crossing (unaware due to the lack of vis). Because the near white out had lifted, all the people who had stopped further up hill, suddenly decided to get going again. So there the poor woman was, kecks round ankles in the middle of a piste in clearing weather, with a load of skiers heading towards her.
Even her husband was rolling around at this point. The more she screamed, the harder we laughed. She did eventually see the funny side of the episode.
|
|
|
|
|
|
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
|
|
A few years ago I was skiing through some lovely knee deep powder between bushes. As I got lower the bushes were getting taller and I mis-timed a turn and ended up getting whacked in the nads by a spiky bush. This threw me off balance and I flew through the air then landed in a pile and lost a ski in the powder. Using the remaining ski I found the lost one quite deep and had to dig a fair sized hole to get it out. The next day I repeated the run hoping to get down without incident. I turned round a bush and fell into the hole that I had dug the day before.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dave Canski
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know it makes sense.
|
|
rob@rar, jellylegs, Chasseur, Dave Canski, PMSL
|
|
|
|
|
|
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
|
|
|
|
Poster: A snowHead
|
I once took out a skier in Les 2 Alpes. In any other circumstances, I would have said that it was mostly his fault and he should have been looking where he was going - he'd cut sharply right in front of me, gave me no chance of doing anything (yes, OK, I *may* have technically been the uphill slope-user). But. He was blind. Wearing hi-vis and skiing with a guide. Oops.
Blind guy was actually OK about it, picked himself up, no harm done. His guide disinctly wasn't. He was German and we had no common language, but the gestures (including a drawing of the thumb across the neck) got the message across.
I left the scene fairly swiftly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
Sking in La thuile about 10 years ago in the spring, i had some hyper carvers, salomon axecleavers only 152cm with a huge hangl plate on them. The snow had softened up nicely at about lunchtime and i was having huge fun on them with no poles as it was so grippy and it was really quiet so you could fly around everywhere. The blacks into the village on the way back were really quite soft but just about ok, and so me all confident, and having skiied them very first thing, not thinking snow may have changed a bit,..........
I rocket down, near the bottom of diretta? i think, there is a small rise, fly over the top and land hitting a huge patch of grass and earth with no snow at all, bindings do their job and i fly out of the skis, to land on the picnic of an italian family at the side of the piste! I missed all of them (just) and end up with my glove stuck in some soft cheese!.......there was silence and then weirdly they all started laughing and then helped collect all my bits that were scattered about.....i rapidly made an exit....with my cheesy hestra glove..(always smelt a bit odd after that)...and very red face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
Haha, nice! If that was my picnic, though, I would of beaten you to death with a chicken leg
|
|
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
My best one is skiing in davos, last run down which was about the same width as a foot path was happily daydreaming, caught an edge and fell off the edge and then about 10 feet down. I then had to sit there waiting and trying to get the attention of the people passing until my dad turned up and could help me climb out!
Was funny after but at the time I don't know how I missed the trees!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
carroz, Good one.
I had an embarassing food moment. I went into a mountain restaurant in Zermatt looking for the toilet. The floor was wet with melted snow and I slipped on it and went flying landing on the desert trolley with many deserts on it at Swiss prices sending the thing crashing and getting covered in puddings. I asked the chap where the toilet was and he pointed wordlessly outside.
I swiftly left and my friends burst themselves laughing as I appeared outside covered in cream and chocolate telling them what happened.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| T Bar wrote: |
I swiftly left and my friends burst themselves laughing as I appeared outside covered in cream and chocolate telling them what happened. |
They probably thought you were a Swiss Roll.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Quote: |
Suddenly I catch an edge, put a hand down and scythe UP the slope and crash into a poor beginner skier lady. The poor beginner skier lady asks me if I am ok. I am and ask the same of her but I am too surprised by the whole thing to apologise! She probably had no idea how much that was my fault.
|
.. or she did but never thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell of getting a 'boarder to admit they were in the wrong. The solicitation on her part was just a general enquiry after your mental health engendered, again, by the fact that both your feet were strapped solidly to a single plank and your seeming inability to remain upright and/or in control. It's a common concern of skiers, regardless of the stage they have reached.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
| Quote: |
A few years ago I was skiing through some lovely knee deep powder between bushes. As I got lower the bushes were getting taller and I mis-timed a turn and ended up getting whacked in the nads by a spiky bush. This threw me off balance and I flew through the air then landed in a pile and lost a ski in the powder. Using the remaining ski I found the lost one quite deep and had to dig a fair sized hole to get it out. The next day I repeated the run hoping to get down without incident. I turned round a bush and fell into the hole that I had dug the day before.
|
freaking priceless!
Standing by the side of a roped off stream in the middle of a main slope in Flaine waiting for my go slow g/f. When she finally comes in sight I turn to move off, catch my ski inside one of the piste poles guarding the drop and the ski follows off down the incline, dragging me slowly - floundering to catch my balance - after it. The drift in the hollow was really deep and I sank down to the bottom completely covered in snow. The only way to get out is to kick off my skis and walk out the 20 or so metres until the banks of the stream shortened. As I emerged – totally covered in snow - my g/f and a whole beginners class are falling around in hysterics, desperately trying to get out cameras from various back pack’s etc. Apparently my rather forthright comments had been heard rising out of the depths of the drift and were tracked as I emerged looking and sounding – as someone put it- like the Abominable Snowman. I did not cooperate with the people who wanted me to stay snowbound until they had got their snaps …
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
)
wasn't spotted when I took the car back and there was no charge....
me right off.
