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Skiing ability ratings

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
stoatsbrother,

I have spend a little while lately watching videos of various people ( films and Training DVD's ) and I think you can pick holes in loads of them.... Some of these people have a great skill set and can ski great lines etc but stylistically, some don't look so great.. and you 'd be surprised at some of the names... or rather, I was.
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
shouldn't it be "Wedding reception Dancer" ?

"All the tackle and no talent"

"All the gear no idea"

"Danish Bacon" (Lean Back)
ski holidays
 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Is this the appropriate forum to raise the issue of being a "Mavis"? As in "Should we go down there?" Response "Well I don't really know...?"
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 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
I frequently ski like a mong, this has some awareness of how bad you are skiing but a complete inability to do anything about it
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
PsychoBabble, Toofy Grin

JT, I know what you mean. I find Warren Smiths DVDs brilliant as teaching aids...

but I don't want to look like the way he looks in them...
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
I skied with a guy who was convinced he could ski best with his nose as close to the tips of his skis as possible, he even told me he skied like this before he hit a snow cannon at top whack and was hospitalised, the rest of the party were determined to stay out of his way and I made him lead all our runs to ensure our safety and amusement.

At the end of the week I gave him the "Skiing like a Teapot" Award, it sounded nicer than the "Skiing with your head up your ar5e" Award Toofy Grin
ski holidays
 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Axsman wrote:
my own abilities are probably fully encapsulated by the gradings:

Gonk,
Self delusionary incompetent knobhead lacking in self awareness and subject of general mirth,
Weebling Wedding Dancer or,

G-SDIKLISAASOGM-W-WD for short.

Maybe we could get badges made?


I was just wondering if such a list could be morphed into scoring system, a bit like the commuter cyclists "Food Chain Number".
That's more based around the satisfaction of cycling better/faster than someone of a better FCN rank, or the humiliation of being overtaken by a lower rank.
http://www.citrusskies.co.uk/fcn/

-- Andy FCN7
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
I've been told I ski like a gay French ski instructor. I thought that was a bit harsh to gay French ski instrutors. rolling eyes
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
I'm trying to progress from Self delusionary knobhead to F'ing dangerous jerk but I keep failing the "equivalence" under the French system. There's only so many kids you can take out in a single lift queue if you've not been brought up in the mountains.
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
kiwi1, laundryman, Laughing Laughing
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
laundryman, it's not necessarily how many, but how well - quality not quantity. wink

I still remember (with considerable pride Toofy Grin ) the time that I skied into a French kid in his early teens (I would hazard a guess), being a fairly well set person I launched him a considerable distance up into the air and across the slope. Shocked That is quality, none of this knocking them over nonsense. Even his dad was mightily impressed; well, he didn't chase me down the slope at any rate.

In my defence however, he was stood just over a lip in the middle of a piste (I'm very suprised he wasn't on a snowboard actually...)
ski holidays
 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
skisimon, I know you're a sailor, but no need to give 'em the full 'Somali pirate' treatment. wink
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
I have only just read this thread and there were several Laughing moments. Excellent work Axsman and others Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
I was trying to work out where my skiing falls on the scale and thought possibly somewhere around the Standard British Incompetent knobhead Skier - SBIKS. However the knobhead title to me does imply some degree of a rather reckless go for it approach - which really isn't me. Is there room do you think for the nervous knobhead (that looks more purple than blue to me) - level?
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Dr George, I would therefore diagnose you as a bag of spanners (useless). The SBIKS is really just BoS(useless) plus knobheadedness.
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Dr George, skisimon, I do agree though, that 'knobheadedness' implies a level of risk taking that may be inconsistent with a 'fearful' BoS.

Perhaps an early grading of 'nervous ninny' is required, probably just above 'gonk' rolling eyes
ski holidays
 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Not sure if this is of any assistance, but I've just been described (by someone watching a vid of me) as skiing as though I'm smoking a cigar.
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
DB wrote:


"Danish Bacon" (Lean Back)
Embarassed
(who, me?)

David
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 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
I think I've reached the level of my incompetence, but what is sad about it is that I'm content and happy!!!
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
A bit of work produced this table. Can anyone put it in an Excel chart?

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You'll need to Register first of course.
I think I would fit into my own little catogory. FEITCGDABIRBIF
Or, Fat English Idiot That Can Get Down Anything But Is Ruled By Irrational Fear
ski holidays
 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
horizon, Excellent work! Laughing Laughing Laughing

Should be adopted by all international skiing bodies as the Public Ineptitude Skiing Scale Madeye-Smiley
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
how bout "Dog in a Bathtub" stiff, unnatural and not sure what to do next...
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
The chief instructor of the main ski school in Wagrain once referred to an entire group of my friends as 'skiing like florists' Laughing

Fortunately I was involved with a beer at the time and was therefore NOT included in that description !
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
In fact from then on (read 2001), the slightest bit of fluffy skiing from anyone in my group of mates is met with a rousing chorus of 'YOU SKI LIKE ZEE FLOREEST' Laughing
In an Austrian accent of course.
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
beeryletcher,
Quote:

main ski school in Wagrain

don't know why but I read it as "Wigan",made it funnier somehow!
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 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
horizon, I like the matrix, good work! Toofy Grin
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
anotherproblem wrote:
I think I would fit into my own little catogory. FEITCGDABIRBIF
Or, Fat English Idiot That Can Get Down Anything But Is Ruled By Irrational Fear


you for got the last AG (and gravity) Toofy Grin
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
Axsman, horizon, Great post, great table Smile Embarassed
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
ntfarmer, I would also like to add ...IPU .. if pushed unknowingly
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
stoatsbrother wrote:


I know what you mean. I find Warren Smiths DVDs brilliant as teaching aids...



Like them more now I've played them a few times.
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
oooooo.... I used this last week..... Monday was my first day on skis since April and I skied like a "bag of spanners" Sad
Skied on Tuesday as well and I had moved up to a blue run hero Very Happy
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Axsman wrote:
Right this is coming along marvellously. where before we had, beginner, interFingmediate, expert, now we have:

Beginner - B
Bog Hog - BH
Khami Kaarzi - KK
Plank (of wood) - P
Gonk - G
Wombat - WM
Weeble - WB
Bag of spanners (useless) BoSu
Standard British Incompetent knobhead Skier - SBIKS
Bag of spanners (useful) BoSu (bollux, could be a problem here!)
Self delusionary incompetent knobhead lacking in self awareness and subject of general mirth - SDIKLISAASOGM
All the latest gear so can't afford lessons - T0SSER
Wedding Dancer - WD
Blue run hero - BRH
F'ing dangerous jerk - FDJ
Lamppost - L

Careers could be made pondering all the ramifications of this new system. Maybe we could get, (sharp intake of breath) European Funding!

I particularly like the possibility that the top grade could be distinguished from the lesser grades (WD and below) by wearing an 'L' plate

Madeye-Smiley


Well... "T0SSER" seems to be where I'm at right now!!!! Laughing
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 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
skimottaret wrote:
how bout "Dog in a Bathtub" stiff, unnatural and not sure what to do next...


Also known as 'Teenager in a brothel".
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Unfortunately I take myself FAR Too seriously to involve myself in this thread.

So I suppose am I am a "Fart"? (not quite up to trainee instructor but with pretensions which must not be punctured by actually being assessed)

In terms of actual style perhaps "A" Frame (solid but ugly).
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
snowball, I consider A frames to be a thing of beauty and I still have my Vango Force 10 for that very reason! Little Angel
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Since this has been revived, should it be updated to include modern trends.

It seems that an increasing proportion of gear being sold is for touring\off piste use, what with rockers, reverse camber negative side cut etc.

Is there a designation for someone who goes about on wide twin tips with touring bindings wearig a huge rucksack with a hydration device,
a shovel, a rope, a transceiver, avalanche poles and a self inflating airbag, but only actually goes off piste when he ducks into a restauraunt
and couldn't handle powder if it came in convenient sachets with explicit handling instructions ?
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
thirty06, Would they be something like the "Wannabe mountain guru" or "All gear and no go" They are the ones that like to talk to ski patrol and guides as though the are somehow all part of the same special club. Shocked
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
I'd like to add a new term due to a recent experience (due to pre-release honest wink wink ):

Face-plougher
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
thirty06 wrote:
It seems that an increasing proportion of gear being sold is for touring\off piste use, what with rockers, reverse camber negative side cut etc.

Is there a designation for someone who goes about on wide twin tips with touring bindings wearig a huge rucksack with a hydration device,
a shovel, a rope, a transceiver, avalanche poles and a self inflating airbag, but only actually goes off piste when he ducks into a restauraunt
and couldn't handle powder if it came in convenient sachets with explicit handling instructions ?


Oh no I've been rumbled !!!!!!!!
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