 Poster: A snowHead
|
@LeglesWonder, for future reference, to quote another poster you need to highlight (select) the text in their post and then click the "Quote selected" button below the entry box for your post. This should be relatively straightforward unless you're using an "unusual" device to browse the site 
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
Thank you.
I was initially using my laptop, quite an old one.
But now using my phone which is more intuitive.
I appreciate your advice
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
well done for remaining civil and appreciative despite our sarky comments, @LeglesWonder. Have a great trip. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
|
cheers
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
|
So I take it she's open to group lessons but theres no availability? Where are you going and which ski schools have you tried? Someone on here might know the resort and other alternative schools.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
| LeglesWonder wrote: |
I don't quite know how to go about it or do the right thing so I've come here to ask advice from people that I was quite sure have been in similar situations.
I wasn't wrong.
|
Right, so a more considered answer, from someone who has seen this sort of dynamic cause problems, mainly with other people, but also at times with my wife and I. We skied together for 30-odd years, and at some points in that time I was significantly better (I thought) and not reticent about trying to 'help' her. Best advice here? Say nothing. Unless she specifically asks you, make no comments on her skiing, not even 'encouraging' ones, which may be taken as you being condescending. When my wife had done her BASI L2 (and before I even started) I was always very open to her feedback and criticism, but crucially I would always ask her to give it.
I think you should, probably, step back and look at your own skiing. Now of course you may well be as good as you think you are, but IME of couples skiing together, the gap between the man and the woman is actually much less than they think. In many cases the woman is actually being held up by the man, who will often spout some rubbish they heard on a lesson some years ago as if it's gospel - 'keep your shoulders facing downhill' is a common one, not necessarily a bad thing in itself, if you're doing short turns, but in several cases (and this before I was an instructor myself) just screwing up her skiing trying to do it all the time in completely inappropriate situations.
| LeglesWonder wrote: |
The best advice I have been given on here is to ski with her at her pace, on runs that she chooses, & to be patient and encouraging.
|
That is still an inherently condescending viewpoint, though. You need to get yourself into a space where you're both just enjoying skiing together. As long as you think you're doing her a favour by skiing 'at her pace' she will be aware of it, which is really not what you want here.
What I'd suggest is that you both take a lesson or two at some point, ideally private and tailored specifically for you both, either together or separately, and that you, in particular, make a big deal out of recognising and understanding your own weaknesses, then ask her for feedback on your skiing, explaining what you are tying to achieve and to watch you carefully and tell you when you are not succeeding, and if she can see why. This has a double benefit, she will learn a lot from what you are trying to do, without feeling that you're telling her what she should be doing, and it will equalise the whole dynamic, probably making her open up to similar feedback from you. The crucial part of this though is for you both to have a good understanding of what you are trying to achieve.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why don't you both go off and do your own thing, enjoy the mountains at your own pace and meet up for lunch and a couple of drinks during the day?
Like normal people 
Maybe she wants to do a spot of snowshoeing, or a days winter walking, or just wants to potter around the blues in a relaxed way. Maybe an early dart to have first crack at the spa before it gets too packed. Who knows..either way, there is no law that states you have to be right next each other all the time, every day. There is also no requirement for you to impart your vast knowledge..and there is no compulsion for her to 'get better' at skiing either..
Just have a great time!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Quote: |
there is no compulsion for her to 'get better' at skiing either..
|
This is an important point. There is an inherent assumption on Snowheads, because so many of us are keen to improve, aware of our faults and keen to take lessons, that everybody feels the same and that anyone who doesn't much enjoy skiing, but enjoys the mountain ambiance and a gentle ski on a nice sunny day is somehow lacking.
We don't treat swimming that way. We know that some people are wonderful swimmers. We are aware that they trained for years to get that way. But we still enjoy going to a nice beach somewhere, or a hotel with a swimming pool, and breast-stroking around with our head out of the water or doing a bit lazy backstroke (so much easier to breathe) or snorkelling. We don't feel any burning need to "improve" or "get swimming lessons" or to be able to head off across the bay in that effortless-looking "easy crawl" which some people can manage and which looks so cool. Some people go on "beach holidays" for a life time and never swim better than they could when they were 10. That describes me, actually - except that I've never been on a "beach holiday". But I've lived for years in the Caribbean and the Pacific, with world-beating beaches at hand. And STILL never become a good swimmer.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
Just do more ski trips, simple!
This season I did one with mates at a similar level early doors in December.
Work crowd trip in Jan including one with instructor experience and other similarly good skiers. Reminds me how average I am. This was a good trip actually showing how a group from nervous blue runner to expert ability could make a go of it together. Interestingly, the best skier did strap on a snowboard for a few days as a leveller.
Family holiday (the high stakes one) with wife and daughter was then great. Got it out my system earlier in the season so was happy to ski at their pace and enjoy my daughter's progress / wife's requirement for frequent refreshment stops!
Season closer with a couple of old friends, top to bottom runs all day, minimal stops aside from nice lunches.
It's been a good year 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
@Origen, But this implies she wants to do lessons...
| LeglesWonder wrote: |
| She cant find any availability for group lessons... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
|
|
Maybe she wants to spend time with other people?
|
|
|
|
|
|
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
|
|
@adithorp, not necessarily. Maybe she was told that she should have lessons and was not too disappointed when there weren't any. Why, if she was really keen to improve, would she turn down private lessons?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I've known two people, signed up for a week of beginner lessons, but inwardly reluctant, who just sacked off the lessons after the first day.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know it makes sense.
|
| Origen wrote: |
| @adithorp, not necessarily. Maybe she was told that she should have lessons and was not too disappointed when there weren't any. Why, if she was really keen to improve, would she turn down private lessons? |
I don't know, but it's fairly common for some people to enjoy group lessons but not like private ones (or visa versa).
|
|
|
|
|
|
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
|
|
Bit of a radical suggestion, but it’s based on good skiing advice: I have a fat pair of skis for off-piste, and a skinny pair of skis for on-piste. It’s important to be on the right kit. Have you thought about having a girlfriend for skiing, and another girlfriend for everything else?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poster: A snowHead
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
| rob@rar wrote: |
| Bit of a radical suggestion, but it’s based on good skiing advice: I have a fat pair of skis for off-piste, and a skinny pair of skis for on-piste. It’s important to be on the right kit. Have you thought about having a girlfriend for skiing, and another girlfriend for everything else? |
Thread winner.
Though we know Rob has a bigger quiver than that....
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
| rob@rar wrote: |
| Bit of a radical suggestion, but it’s based on good skiing advice: I have a fat pair of skis for off-piste, and a skinny pair of skis for on-piste. It’s important to be on the right kit. Have you thought about having a girlfriend for skiing, and another girlfriend for everything else? |
As long as they are both properly waxed I think that's a winner.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
This from yesterday, for example, ensures appropriate protection. Fully wrapped up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It is important that you find a partner who matches your professional outlook, either in equality of workload or complementing your contribution with their own.
It is important that you find a partner with whom you can share hobbies and time off work, going on new adventures and building memories together, even a family.
It is important that you find a partner with whom you can share intimate moments where you fulfil each other’s every needs.
It is vitally important that these three partners never meet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
Assuming you are not AI.
Noted the your girlfriend won’t pay for private lessons.
Don’t know where you are going, but how about paying for an instructor/guide to show you both around the resort, but at the same time could give you both tips that might improve technique and confidence?
Not sure what an “off piste double black diamond skier” skier is, it doesn’t indicate whether you are a good skier or not, just that you think that you are a good skier … I skied steeps, off piste and some serious blacks very early on, but with absolutely no style, control or technique, looking back my level of confidence was misplaced. I have also have skied in groups where people have claimed great things, but the reality was different, sometimes it is worth keeping your own counsel.
Frankly, if you have a partner who is prepared to but a couple of planks on her feet, it would be worth compromising your holiday to ensure that she has the best time, consider it an investment in your future.
And one more thing, if you were to pay for lessons, providing her with a set of tools that will make her feel safe when presented with challenging slopes may go a long way to giving her a lot more confidence, you are more likely to get this from a good instructor than any mansplaining, which can only go badly
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Loving the thread direction. Inspiring me to renew the search for my theatre and opera loving husband for when the sporty one is off on his various boys’ trips
Seriously though, I’ve been the slow other half in this scenario and agree the gentle encouragement works well sometimes and other times it’s frustrating and leads to conflict. What worked for me initially was a ski holiday where I could ski with others at my level and my husband his, with skiing together an occasional joy! If you can find friends of different levels to holiday with whose company you also enjoy, personally I think it works well and relieves the pressure points. I’ve also invested with lessons and trips of my own but of course that requires a certain level of interest and commitment your partner may not yet have.
The approach recommended above about being humble about your own skiing has its merits but I feel is for a later stage in her ski development. While I was stressed about challenges like t bars and red runs I’m not sure I’d have wanted to focus on my other half’s technique. I was too worried about surviving the run and not getting myself injured to give much considered feedback!
|
|
|
|
|
|
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
|
Mrs RC and I have somewhat diverged in ability and confidence over the years. I find that taking pistes in stages, with me either bombing down ahead of or behind her, tends to work quite well. Especially given my relative fitness level, which appreciates frequent rest stops...
As for the OP, well... it's really not about the skiing, is it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
|
Just make it fun; less confident skiers will always feel pressured by those who can do it with more confidence, so you either have the agreement to ski at her pace and you suck it up, or you do it separately.
For quite some years I was way quicker and probably far too overconfident on a snowboard and it rankled my missus somewhat. It's not that she was bad or anything, she just took things at a different pace whereas I was balls to the wall and it means lots of disagreements. We made the decision one year to both learn how to ski and that was great; we learned from scratch, had a private lesson and then that give us the ability to focus on something new together. We progressed at different speeds but ultimately, we can pootle together and just enjoy the kind of terrain she prefers, and every now and then I'd find something steeper (with her approval) and meet her at the bottom.
These days we generally ski and snowboard apart a lot of the time because we have kids - she stays with my daughter and I razz around with my lad - and we meet up for a drink or lunch every hour or two and it's harmonious.
Private lessons are not that expensive and the progression you get from one-on-one tuition from a professional is brilliant. However, if your other half is adamant that she doesn't want to go down that route, you have to bite your lip and just deal with not being frustrated and sharing slope time together. It's a holiday, it's not a training camp
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I will admit I have not read the whole thread but does you girlfriend want to ski? Or does she just want to be part of the holiday?
There are 168 hours in a weeks ski holiday, most will spend less than 25 of those on ski's, so there is far more to a ski holiday than the skiing.
I have zero issue with people going on a ski holiday with others who dont actually ski, they can still fully enjoy themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You know it makes sense.
|
| Quote: |
There are 168 hours in a weeks ski holiday, most will spend less than 25 of those on ski's
|
You realise that is just over 4 hours a day. I assume you have taken the amount time sitting on the chairlifts out of the total time we are out during a day skiing.
Out of curiosity how do you occupy the other 143 hours?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
|
|
Sleeping and eating, for most humans.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poster: A snowHead
|
| Orange200 wrote: |
| Sleeping and eating, for most humans. |
dancing on tables in your boots can eat up a lot of time...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
|
| johnE wrote: |
| Quote: |
There are 168 hours in a weeks ski holiday, most will spend less than 25 of those on ski's
|
You realise that is just over 4 hours a day. I assume you have taken the amount time sitting on the chairlifts out of the total time we are out during a day skiing.
Out of curiosity how do you occupy the other 143 hours? |
I think you will find most people in a week ski holiday take a break in the middle of the break so they only ski 5 days. so ski, 9.30 - 15.30 with hour for lunch.
As for the other 143 hours, I think they will be holidaying........
I can do full on days or relaxed days, depends on who I am with but I have to say some of my most memorable days have been on the relaxed ones.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
|
|
I think that holds true for many of us. The "first lift to last" merchants are probably in a minority. I once spent a day as a guide to the area with two Francophone Belgian lads - they had beers and rolls in their pockets, which we ate on a chair lift (they had brought some for me). I had to leave them to their own devices, with a few suggestions as to what they might explore next, by about 1430 - I was knackered! They were family members of neighbours in the apartment block - with whom we had become very friendly. Neither my OH, nor our friends, of very similar age, had the stamina even to accompany them for half the morning - I was rather proud of having coped until after lunch, but I knew when I was beaten. I had rather forlornly pointed out some nice coffee stops as we flew over them on chairlifts. The fact that some of the lifts were very slow old fixed chairs was a relief!
|
|
|
|
|
|
You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
|
As it is last minute trip, best you can probably do is head out early & plan on meeting mid/late morning.
Maybe keep trying ski groups for a cancellation.
Find runs that are parallel. You take the tougher one, she takes the easier one, but both come out at roughly the same place (ie a hut!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
|
| Quote: |
There are 168 hours in a weeks ski holiday, most will spend less than 25 of those on ski's...
I think you will find most people in a week ski holiday take a break in the middle of the break so they only ski 5 days. so ski, 9.30 - 15.30 with hour for lunch. |
Wow. Not me; I don't do half days or hang around in restaurants in the middle of the day. Not that I'm remotely critical of those who do, which would be absurd.
I've never "taken a break".
I've no idea how much skiing the average skier does - where are you getting your data from, please?
If your source is correct, you'd be old before you'd put in enough practice to be able to ski!
----
I've seen this both ways, with couples. If it's the bloke who can't keep up, it's uglier than if it's the woman, so there's that.
Unless both people can ski, I think it's probably better for both of them to split them up, from what I've seen.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
|
I do like a lunch and maybe one or two beer stops, but I'm definitely a 'first out, last in' type of person. TBH, my missus is the same but she does flag a bit late afternoon and it has been known for her and my daughter to half a half day or two during a week. That usually aligns with me being able to head out and explore a bit more.
However, our friends who we holiday with, they're very happy with a 10am start and have suggested we have a mid-week day off, to which I spat my tea out!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Quote: |
I think you will find most people in a week ski holiday take a break in the middle of the break so they only ski 5 days.
|
I've never heard of anyone doing that or even wanting to until @Specialman mentioned it. I have skied with lots and lots of people over the years and the only time I've come across anyone having a non ski day on a short, ie 7 days or less holiday, is when all the lifts were closed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Quote: |
I've seen this both ways, with couples. If it's the bloke who can't keep up, it's uglier than if it's the woman, so there's that.
Unless both people can ski, I think it's probably better for both of them to split them up, from what I've seen.
|
It's about being together, not being apart. Mrs.tsgsh is not as good a skier as me, but we ski at her pace for most of the day. Sometimes I ski ahead and wait, sometimes I ski behind and sometimes, where it's tricky I might try to pick a route for her. She'll take a coffee break in the morning, I'll have an espresso then ski a couple of nearby runs and then we meet up and ski together until lunch.
She often knocks off after lunch "while [she's] ahead" and I'll ski until the last lift. If it was just me, I'd ski first lift to last with a quick lunch, but it's not just me: that's the point.
Last holiday the sum total of my "instruction" was "on snow like this, let your skis run a bit". She would definitely benefit from a private lesson or two, but then again, so would I. We don't do that because we'd rather ski together.
|
|
|
|
|
|
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
|
| phil_w wrote: |
...I've seen this both ways, with couples. If it's the bloke who can't keep up, it's uglier than if it's the woman, so there's that....
|
WTF does thst mean!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Origen wrote: |
| Quote: |
there is no compulsion for her to 'get better' at skiing either..
|
This is an important point. There is an inherent assumption on Snowheads, because so many of us are keen to improve, aware of our faults and keen to take lessons, that everybody feels the same and that anyone who doesn't much enjoy skiing, but enjoys the mountain ambiance and a gentle ski on a nice sunny day is somehow lacking.
We don't treat swimming that way. We know that some people are wonderful swimmers. We are aware that they trained for years to get that way. But we still enjoy going to a nice beach somewhere, or a hotel with a swimming pool, and breast-stroking around with our head out of the water or doing a bit lazy backstroke (so much easier to breathe) or snorkelling. We don't feel any burning need to "improve" or "get swimming lessons" or to be able to head off across the bay in that effortless-looking "easy crawl" which some people can manage and which looks so cool. Some people go on "beach holidays" for a life time and never swim better than they could when they were 10. That describes me, actually - except that I've never been on a "beach holiday". But I've lived for years in the Caribbean and the Pacific, with world-beating beaches at hand. And STILL never become a good swimmer. |
I love that swimming analogy!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
