 Poster: A snowHead
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Where: Self-catering in the 4* Les Clarines (CGH) Apartments in Les Menuires, flying East Midlands to Chambery. Chambery to Les Menuires is around 90 minutes excluding traffic jams, which caused a 30 minute delay on the outward journey.
It’s a decade since we’ve used Chambery, and I’d largely forgotten all about it other than that it is quite small with b*gger all by way of facilities. Suffice to say that the baggage collection hall in the immediate aftermath of three planes landing at the same time probably didn’t show it at its best! The long wait here was livened up by the fact that two other sets of passengers had bags the same as a couple of ours. One guy mistakenly started wheeling Younger Daughter’s bag away and it was only that he came to a halt due to a human traffic jam that saved him from being rugby tacked to the ground by the youngster saving her new Sweaty Betty thermals!
The apartment was very good, albeit supplied with only one hand towel. All the usual features of French skiing apartments were present – a fiendishly complicated combined microwave and conventional oven, an implausibly uncomfortable sofa and doors arranged in such a way that clanging door handles and trapped knuckles were unavoidable.
There was a spa on site with a small pool, sauna etc. and a decent gym. Mrs TFS and Elder Daughter went a few times, but I was too tired after each day’s skiing and had a lot of Kronenbergs to work through in any case.
We were a short walk from the pistes and a yoghurt pot ride away from Downtown Les Menuires (“La Croissette” to be precise) with its pleasingly comprehensive array of tourist facilities and a curious (neither good nor bad per se, as such assessments are subjective) combination of architectural styles. Think Soviet-era brutalism combined with Le Corbusier on a drugs bender and you won’t go far wrong.
How: All booked through Crystal. We investigated DIYing it, but Crystal was cheaper.
Crystal had saved money by providing random descriptions of the location of the ski hire shop and the pistes. The hire shop was described as being part of our building, on the left. In reality, it was to the right, in a completely different building. The apartment was also described as “ski-in / ski-out”. With a lot of snow you could certainly ski in, but skiing out would have required either extreme optimism or advanced abilities to ski uphill.
Why: Crafty 2nd outing of the season, so went “Bargain Basement”. Proximity to 3V means that “Bargain” is something of a relative term. Les Menuires is definitely “Basement” though, albeit with sufficient quirky charms to make it a most agreeable location.
When: 19th-24th March taking advantage of Uni Easter holidays.
Who: The usual Snowplough mob: Mrs TFS, two Uni student offspring (now aged 20 and 19) and yours truly aka “Tail End Charlie”. We were joined on most days by one of Elder Daughter’s Uni friends who is doing a season in Meribel, but had no guests to attend to during our week. The youngsters are too fast even for Mrs TFS, so she spent quite a lot of time trialling as backup Tail End Charlie.
How much: A steal at circa £2.5k for flights, transfer and accommodation. We dined out for lunch and dined in very cheaply for tea (pasta, tomato sauce and cheese – we know how to live it up!) each day. After having been almost bankrupted by our bar bill in Obergurgl at New Year, our total alcohol bill for the week was little more than a tenner, aided by ED’s friend arriving with bottles of wine in her rucksack each day. We didn’t dwell too deeply on who was funding these, and necked the evidence as quickly as we could each evening!
Ski hire: The Crystal package gave some nice discounts on ski hire if one bought lift passes through Crystal too, which we did. So our premium skis cost around EUR100 for the week. The collection process took what felt like hours and I wasn’t convinced the guy dealing with me got my joke about “something to make me look like Herman Maier”. But I found out to my cost that he had got the joke, of which more later!
Lift passes: List price of E340 each for the 3V pass. Not sure exactly how much we paid accounting for Crystal discounts with ski hire. The lift system was very good. Not quite on the level of Obergurgl, with a few queues, and rather too much use of those gondolas where you take the skis in with you.
Ski area: The 3V area needs no introduction from me. We stuck mainly to VT, Orelle and the parts of Meribel closer to VT. In terms of being resistant to summer conditions (temperatures were mid-high teens on 4 of the days) then Orelle and the Cote Brune chair were the places to be, though anywhere above circa 2200 metres was good. The younger element of the party reported that the moguls were good, as even the “icy moguls” were just that little bit on the soft side, making progress easier.
Mountain catering: Numerous and various options. Our favourite was L’Eski, near St Martin. The burgers there were sublime. For variety, the Chalet de Thorens was the place to be as if offered stuff with chips, a salad bar, pasta, tartiflette, pizza, burgers, tacos and noodles. The tartiflette was great but Lordy was it hard work skiing afterwards!
Apres ski: We did what passes for “apres” in our apartment. The number of piste-side discos and the volume of Kronenberg 1664 flowing at lunchtime suggested that things could get a bit lively “after hours”, particularly in VT.
Reportable incidents: Most ski trips I’ve been on have involved each day being much like the other. But for some reason, this trip was characterised by an unusual number of “reportable incodents”.
Day 1: First off, I got flattened by some oversized buffoon who corrected his course leaving the chairlift by pushing with all his (considerable) might against me. I went down and suffered the humiliation of having the lift stopped to allow me to slither safely to one side. Then, Younger Daughter’s lift pass broke and she got a free skidoo ride from the liftie to collect a replacement. Finally, by the end of the day, I had fallen over less recently than Mrs TFS and both offspring. This has never happened before!
Day 2: There had been a decent volume of snow overnight, so piste conditions were quite challenging. On an early run with a clear piste below me, I decided to test the limits of my abilities at skiing quickly on loose snow. I soon discovered my limits were just a little bit more limited than I’d hoped, and found myself flying through the air, just as Herman did in the Nagano Downhill. How could I have doubted the ski hire guy?
When I eventually came to a halt I discovered helmet, goggles, jacket and trousers were all full of snow and both skis were around 50m up the hill. Hey ho. Anyway, there was a happy ending. Despite being on a steep slope, I got both skis back on at the first attempt, which almost went as far as impressing the offspring.
Day 3: Not much to report other than Younger Daughter holding me responsible for her stacking it leaving a chairlift.
Day 4: Definitely a day of two halves. The first half, glorious cruising in the sun in Meribel topped off with a sublime burger for lunch was followed by the second half which comprised a dignity-sapping outing on the Boardercross course, slogging through slush on the way back to Les Menuires and then being run over by a snowboarder. I was decidedly unhappy about this latter incident, particularly as I ended up face first in the snow with the boarder bouncing over my head. Suffice to say that the sound of a snowboard clanging across your helmet is not a good one! In retrospect it wasn’t all bad though. The boarder concerned was a young French lass, and it’s good to know I’ve not lost the old magic that persuaded the ladies to throw themselves at me in my youth. Well that’s my story…
Day 5: Uneventful other than missing the first (and probably second, third, fourth and fifth) lift due to oversleeping! Cumulative fatigue to blame.
Day 6: First off, the Skiing Gods passed judgement on the Day 3 incident involving Younger Daughter and a chairlift. I was clearly guilty in this incident, as leaving an early chairlift, a side wind induced collision with Younger Daughter left me flat on my back and further detached from my dignity. I was very glad of YD’s formidable physical presence at the end of the day though, as the first part of the run home was in total whiteout conditions and I needed someone to follow. I got so disoriented by the wind that I actually fell over whilst standing still at one point, which despite all my incompetence on skis over three decades, is actually a first.
And finally: As is well known, “A family that skis together, stays together”. And the offspring have invited themselves to “stay together” with us next New Year!
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Excellent report, Mr Maier! Made me smile!
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Excellent report!
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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@The Flying Snowplough, brilliant report, thank you for bringing a smile to an otherwise dreary Monday.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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@The Flying Snowplough, Thank you for making me smile, and reminding me pleasantly of our family skiing trips when we had uni student aged offspring. 
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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excellent report. falling over while standing still is definitely something i sympathise with.
(tho i am a dirty snowboarder so.....)
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Great report, highly amusing.
The wine must flow!
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Great report. Sounds like a right giggle.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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@wiigman, @Hoss0610, @Hurtle, @CaravanSkier, @peterepka, @turboblackbeard, @Frosty the Snowman, thanks!
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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Glad that at least the booze was cheap!!
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Great report @The Flying Snowplough, agree the Maier references among others made me chuckle.
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You know it makes sense.
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Great report! Be warned...if you're paying...the kids will still be skiing with you for years to come!
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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@homphomp, @Orange200, @Layne, @Perty, thanks!
@pam w, I may be too old to keep up with the former "Ankle Biters" but I'm not too old to learn from my mistakes!
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Poster: A snowHead
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@The Flying Snowplough, Great TR.
I expect that Chateau Crystal AOC is funded by similar means to Chateau Eurocamp, so can be "enojyed" with a clear conscience.
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FAQ
Whilst I remain 50+ and earnestly pursuing some sort of higher level of skill set, usually gaining one or two steps up at great private lesson expense, only to slip back by the next trip, this brings me back 30 years to those days skiing as a student, where it was all about having a laugh and living through crazy adventures to share later. Many thanks 
