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Advice Needed - Reluctant Partner

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
thelem wrote:
Don't be tempted to coach her in the afternoons.

This x 1,000,000

It’s a running on joke in our house now, but in the beginning, I would try to give my wife very gentle encouragement only to be faced with a look like I’d called her mother someone horrible. Her own father did something similar and received a similar look. A friend of ours (who lives a few doors down) who is the best skier I know and happened to be in the same resort at the same time as us gave her one tip, and she told him to F off Laughing

This wasn’t at the same time or even the same trip btw.

We have since found an instructor who my wife really gels with and have used several times, and it’s always a source of amusement when my wife comes out with “Lisa says {insert exact same thing me, FIL and friend previously said}”
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@Timmycb5, interesting thanks, didn’t know that.
If only it were in Lech or Megeve or somewhere like that.
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LaForet wrote:
You just need to ask yourself how you'd feel if pressured into, say, an equestrian holiday.

I've experienced that - and done it. And it was a memorable adventure (holiday is perhaps a word with too many connotations of pleasure) but we've never thought of repeating it.

I had to take lessons for a year, which were frustrating but got me to the point where I could enjoy doing a hack through the local woods (with the class and instructor). But on the holiday we were on our own, doing a daily ride through the countryside between B&Bs with paddocks in rural Ireland, with minimal luggage in saddle bags. The organising company had had the sense to give me a "Dobbin" of a horse which wasn't going to do anything stupid - and in fact my main problem was it would have preferred staying put and eating the grass on the verge to taking me anywhere. It wasn't really prepared to trot if it could avoid that. And at one stage the route took us across an Irish bog, which wasn't an easy experience. It took my wife as well as me (obviously) outside of our comfort zone.

If I hadn't been up for it there wouldn't have been the stories. But if the OP's wife is disinclined from the beginning it will be tougher still.
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Timmycb5 wrote:
thelem wrote:
Don't be tempted to coach her in the afternoons.

This x 1,000,000

It’s a running on joke in our house now, but in the beginning, I would try to give my wife very gentle encouragement only to be faced with a look like I’d called her mother someone horrible.

It nearly got me divorced - and we weren't married at the time. Toofy Grin
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@Old Fartbag, Laughing
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@Old Fartbag,
Quote:


It nearly got me divorced - and we weren't married at the time.


Laughing There’s a song with that line I think?
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@ropetow, 100%. It never fails to amaze me how many snowHead hook up with non skiers - would’ve been a deal breaker for me! NehNeh Razz Laughing Laughing
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I have no idea why people are suggesting chalets when the OP said she likes spa holidays. There are some fantastic spa hotels in Austria in particular. She can have all kinds of treatments whilst the kids are in lessons or just lie around the swimming pool on a lounger with a good book. With a herbal tea rather than a cocktail but you can't have everything! There are lots of people who do that and they're perfectly happy with that and the scenery. A trip up the mountain in a gondola for a family lunch, where she can also play with the kids in the snow and watch the skiers might be enjoyable for her, too. She may even decide she wants to give it a go when she sees them all having a great time with their own kids!

I wouldn't book lessons in advance unless she wants to actually learn to ski as it's a lot of pressure if you'd paid hundreds for a private instructor. If she later decides she does want to ski, you should be able to find one. Again, hotel owners/managers are usually good for finding someone with just a phone call as they know everyone in the village. Laughing And if she is under no obligation to ski this holiday, she may change her mind when she sees how much your children enjoy it, want to go again, and want to ski with their mum next time.

Just talk to her and find out what she wants to do. Then get back here for more advice on how to provide it! snowHead
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@maggi, What about the Victoria Lauberhorn wink
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maggi wrote:


I wouldn't book lessons in advance unless she wants to actually learn to ski as it's a lot of pressure if you'd paid hundreds for a private instructor.

I can make a good case for both booking lessons in Advance and Leaving them to resort. You have given a valid reason for leaving it - but the case for Advance Booking would be as follows (as I see it).

Working on the assumption that she is at least prepared to have a go (the OP is of course in the best position to know the answer to that):

1. If there is any hope of learning, it will be completely down to the Instructor's approach. The right Instructor will be charismatic and make it fun and enjoyable - where learning is almost secondary to the enjoyment of the experience. Learning happens much more easily if you are enjoying yourself.....I have had some lessons in France with the ESF, where the impression was "You Will learn, even if it kills you".

2. Really good Instructors become known and usually get booked up quickly. I would be looking for someone whose first language is English, preferably with a recommendation on here.....and they are not as common and maybe even less common as a result of Brexit.

3. If lessons aren't booked, the temptation, especially if staying in a lovely hotel, is to take a lazy turn and not bother. If they are booked, it may well be the impetus needed to at least give it a go.

4. If it doesn't work out, the OP, or even the Kids could take up the lessons....so there should be no pressure to continue with them.


Last edited by Ski the Net with snowHeads on Sat 20-02-21 14:04; edited 1 time in total
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Quote:

I wouldn't book lessons in advance unless she wants to actually learn to ski as it's a lot of pressure if you'd paid hundreds for a private instructor.

I'd agree with that - maybe use the suggestion of a lesson in one of the indoor slopes in the UK as a trial - could save a lot of heartache. If even that meets with a flat refusal, best to accept that and move on. Some people will "come to it", out in the mountains, especially if the kids love it and beg Mum to join them. But aiming to get small kids AND a reluctant spouse all out on the slopes having fun, on a first family holiday, could end in tears. I know that some kids just love it from the off, and people say stupid things like "Children are fearless" but having shepherded three kids of my own, and half a dozen grandchildren, through those first stages, I know better. Some were pretty fearless but nearly all were apprehensive and one (having not admitted how she felt) was so petrified at the thought of going up a chairlift, with a lovely instructor in a group of just three kids, that she vomited copiously at the bottom and had to be invalided out. She went back the next day, after a very gentle, fun, day with her dad, did OK throughout the week and was very proud of getting her "badge" at the end of the week. But it took me a lot of patience to get her, and her younger (much less fussed) sister to the ski school meeting place each morning, leaving plenty of time for last minute wees (not easy in yer average ski resort if you're not buying a coffee) and for those moments when they decide that there is "something sore in my boot" at the last minute. Though, on the whole, kids faff FAR less than adults with their boots.
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Quote:

But aiming to get small kids AND a reluctant spouse all out on the slopes having fun, on a first family holiday, could end in tears.

This.

If your good lady was ambivalent, rather than reluctant, then maybe. But with only you out of a family of four being a keen skier, the kids are less likely to embrace it, I think.
I’d be tempted to play the long game. Take the kids with you, leave the OH behind to do what she wants. Hope that the kids coming home and gushing about ski school, fondue, mountains, saunas, badges, end of week races, whatever, will be enough to pique her curiosity. Then you will have 3 keen skiers v one reluctant one.
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dode wrote:
Quote:

But aiming to get small kids AND a reluctant spouse all out on the slopes having fun, on a first family holiday, could end in tears.

This.

If your good lady was ambivalent, rather than reluctant, then maybe. But with only you out of a family of four being a keen skier, the kids are less likely to embrace it, I think.
I’d be tempted to play the long game. Take the kids with you, leave the OH behind to do what she wants. Hope that the kids coming home and gushing about ski school, fondue, mountains, saunas, badges, end of week races, whatever, will be enough to pique her curiosity. Then you will have 3 keen skiers v one reluctant one.


My only issue with that is his wife may always feel like she’s playing catch-up, which could be demotivating
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
Quote:

So are you thinking family alone together in apartment, self catering? Or booking a small private catered chalet to yourselves, with hosts coming in to do food, cleaning, washing up, etc? Or something else? Most options apart from those involve some degree of interacting and mixing with other folk.
.


Alternatively, there would be the option of a nice hotel (with or without half-board) and possibly with spa facilities - though I feel Austria and possibly Italy would lend itself to that more than France.
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It always appears to be the hubby dragging the reluctant (non-skiing) wife along on a trip. I don't recall ever reading about a wife wanting to encourage a reluctant husband to try skiing.

Do we have any Snowheads success stories covering that scenario? Puzzled ie from total reluctance to ski addict? Puzzled
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@maggi,
Quote:

I have no idea why people are suggesting chalets when the OP said she likes spa holidays. There are some fantastic spa hotels in Austria in particular.

+1

Yes, for someone who apparently doesn't want to mix much with people from outside her family, most chalets wouldn't suit well. Yes I know there are some very small private chalets, but not many, and unlikely to be as good value as other options.

I think Austrian, or possibly some Italian resorts, with attractive decent sized town centres, plenty of spa facilities, cafes, etc might be the best way to go.
Badgastein, Kitzbuhel, Selva/St Christina, Zermatt, those sort of places. Maybe Megeve in France.
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@Bergmeister,
Quote:

Do we have any Snowheads success stories covering that scenario? ie from total reluctance to ski addict?


Yes I think that describes my experience. Not as anti as some, 'dragged along' would be exaggerating, but not something MsPrePeakyB would've thought of doing. I included it in the terms and conditions, which she ticked without reading properly.

Fair to say first trip anticipated with trepidation, high anxiety, certainty of injury and fear of being unable to do it. But with a little therapy, a few weeks before departure, I coped, thanks.

Given we were travelling with 3 other keen skiing friends, I organised a trip I hoped would be a reasonable compromise for all, but with me sacrificing a lot of my own skiing time. My friends sacrificed their preference for a simple ski in/out place, or short walk to first lift, for which I'm eternally grateful.

We stayed in a catered old farmhouse in St Foye de Tarentaise, one March, before the village developed much. 2 hire cars between 5 of us. First 6 days I drove wife to La Rosiere, where she had morning and afternoon small group lessons, with a decent lunch break in between. After morning drop off, I'd drive to Villaroger to catch up with the other 3, in Les Arcs. Or else belt up to Tignes les Brev for a blast around EK with them. One powder day we enjoyed St Foy itself. Each day I'd finish early and drive back to La Rosiere to collect exhausted, but gradually more happy wife, as the week unfolded.

Days 7-10 we all spent together. Starting with the easiest area, La Ros/La Thuile. Progressing to Arcs 1800. Eventually a day on the blue slopes of Tignes.

The point I'd emphasise is to prioritise the needs of the beginner, especially if they're reluctant. That may mean big compromises on your own preferences and for those travelling with you.
Yes, I know we could have gone to Bansko, Alpbach or Andorra, but gimme a break.

Now MrsPeakyB is keen on skiing. It was a similar process with extreme white-knuckle ride theme park roller coaster riding. snowHead

snowHead
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Quote:


The point I'd emphasise is to prioritise the needs of the beginner, especially if they're reluctant. That may mean big compromises on your own preferences and for those travelling with you.


I cannot emphasise this enough. The first couple of holidays are not holidays for you, they are investments in future holidays.

Second thing, sorting out high quality instruction in a popular resort in a peak week is a nightmare. Prior to the pandemic, I was booking my preferred instructor about 13 months in advance. I would then book my holiday around her availability.

Whether or not a nervous beginner takes to it or not depends very largely on whether or not they bond with the instructor. If that works then everything else is much easier.

Again, you cannot make someone do it. All you can do is sell the idea of trying and then hope they take to it.
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I would recommend the Dolomites .

Prettiest mountains , friendly people , great food and drink , well groomed and generally gentle slopes , some lovely hotels with pools / spas.

Corvara would be a good spot (the Alta Badia area).
Or maybe Ortisei which has access to Alpi Di Suisi (very gentle runs with loads of good mountain huts for stops)

And best of all , ski schools generally start at 10 am for kids and 10:30 for adults.

Your wife WILL get tired during the week... in my experience meltdown occurs somewhere around day 3 to 4...

French ski schools start at 9 am.

That extra hour makes all the difference.
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sheffskibod wrote:


That extra hour makes all the difference.


Ahh the tyranny of ski school - how I miss it!
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It is far too sweeping a generalisation to say that "French ski schools start at 9 am".
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I'd think of somewhere in Austria or the Dolomites too.

Priority no. 1 is a nice hotel with spa, sun terrace etc. Located in a decent sized "town" with shops that aren't just ski shops. Gondola access to nice mountain restaurants (hence Italy/Austria rather than France)

Think about orientation and evening/afternoon sun, avoid steep sided valleys (Les 2 Alpes).

Somewhere like Folgarida, Madonna di Campiglio perhaps.

Start with enjoying the "winter" mountain holiday experience (but don't go at Christmas/Feb half term!) and see what happens.

If you can find a hotel overlooking a nice friendly slope rather than the scary black!
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Last edited by After all it is free Go on u know u want to! on Mon 22-02-21 8:45; edited 1 time in total
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Quote:

Women love that stuff

rolling eyes
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@pam w, apologies
I know I am being patronising and sexist, but it’s only a suggestion. He should ask first obviously.
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@anarski, can we post gifs in this forum? If so, that post needs a Tom Hardy “that’s bait” gif.
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@Timmycb5,
Quote:

@anarski, can we post gifs in this forum? If so, that post needs a Tom Hardy “that’s bait” gif.


Laughing A master at baiting, judging by that post.
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Appreciate I'm relatively late to this thread and there are lots of good tips already, but thought I'd add my two pence worth as I WAS that partner many years ago so can sympathise with her point of view - resisted for ages, blah, blah.

What eventually swung it for me was going with two other couples, some of whom were also beginners. This meant that we effectively split into two groups for most of that week - lessons for the beginners whilst those that could already ski thrashed the slopes, then meet up for more leisurely skiing together. This was a lifesaver I think, can't imagine anything else than sitting in a cafe by myself all day.

Also to reiterate points others have made about family holidays - I remember making the point to my husband when my children were small that I didn't really see it as a family holiday because we barely spent any time together when kids were in ski school/snow clubs etc. It's only now that my kids are teens that we've discovered the joys of skiing as a family. Be prepared to accept it will be a very different holiday to a lad's ski trip!

We still go now with those same two original couples (now with kids of their own of similar ages) - I still love how it gives options to peel off and do different things if not everyone wants to do the same. I've discovered the joy of mountain walking routes and snowshoeing that way, for example.
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maggi wrote:
I have no idea why people are suggesting chalets when the OP said she likes spa holidays. There are some fantastic spa hotels in Austria in particular.


The Dolomiti Adler, Ortisei. What a hotel. Stonking. That's just the price, but a fab place. Spa, pool, 'quiet room', private ski transport, great service and great half board food. Tons of cruisy skiing too- not so much for the better skier.
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Another vote for a hotel in Austria from me. I was in a similar (though not quite as difficult) situation when I wanted to ski with my wife and 4yr old son, neither who had skied before. I did have the advantage my wife was keen to give it a go even though we had no idea whether she would like it.

We went to Obergurgl because this was the place I went for my first weeks skiing in the late 80's and remembered it was a great place for beginners.

There are some lovely hotels with great food and facilities. They are not cheap but that doesn't seem to be a major concern for the OP. The big advantage is that the ski schools always return to the town for lunch because of the height of the town and relatively small size of the resort so it's easy to meet up for lunch. It's still possible to a reasonable skier to get to the most distant part of the ski area (the far side of Hochgurgl) and back again to Obergurgl for Lunch - I often did this.

The lifts are very quiet and many of the hotels are ski-in/out, especially the Edelweiss situated at the base of the main lifts. It also has a heated outdoor pool which is amazing in Winter, though probably not very environmentaly-friendly.

There isn't much in the way of apres-ski partying in Obergurgl so there isn't too many more rowdy guests, with the notable exception of the Nederhutte which is definitely worth a visit if you like to see live music and have a bit of party - it's also quite child-friendly which is very unusual for a lively apres-ski place.
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Having been here previously (on both sides of the fence), I know it's been mentioned before, but find another adult beginner to go with her (the children don't count) and book a private instructor. That way she won't feel she's perpetually holding you up. And you won't feel perpetually guilty for not spending the whole time with her. Make sure the other beginner is as 'game' as she is so that they will ski at a similar level.

And make sure she's been to the snow dome so that the first morning isn't spent learning how to put skis on. It's a waste of time in the mountains!
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So... based on this thread here is my plan:

1. I am going to get the kids and my wife taster lessons at ChillFactore - to see how they take to the snow.

2. Then I will seek out a family-friendly resort that has loads of non-skiing activities to do. Lots of suggestions in the thread + the likes of Chamonix etc. Further suggestions welcome!

3. I will book for Easter Half Term 2022 so it is warmer.

4. The holiday won't be ski-focused, it will be a family holiday to the snow. Focus the week around some lessons, some skiing, some decent food, some sightseeing as an entire experience.

5. I will do the kids' pre- and post-lesson care to make things smoother.

6. I will book the wife into a spa for a day and take the kids for an activity (such as tobogganing...).

7. We will have a family day skiing towards the end of the holiday that may be a success but may last 5 minutes.

8. The entire experience will be trying to get the family to enjoy being in a ski resort and setting up future success.
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Potential Resorts

- Chamonix
- Courchevel 1850 or 1550 or 1650
- Val D'Isere
- St. Foy
- Ski2 in Champoluc
- Oz en Oisans
- Les Coches/Montalbert
- Kinderhotels Achenkirch or Buchau
- Badgastein
- Kitzbuhel
- Selva/St Christina
- Zermatt
- Megeve
- Corvara (Alta Badia)
- Ortisei
- Folgarida
- Madonna di Campiglio
- Obergurgl


Any others? Where is most kid-friendly?

What non-skiing activities do people recommend? As an example, I like Chamonix town for the glacier, toboggan, luge, shops, train etc.
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bezthespaniard wrote:

3. I will book for Easter Half Term 2022 so it is warmer.


I think this is a sensible decision, but be aware that you'll need to go high at Easter, so some of the resorts mentioned in the thread won't be suitable at that time of year.
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bezthespaniard wrote:
As an example, I like Chamonix town for the glacier, toboggan, luge, shops, train etc.

Have you been to Chamonix ?

Maybe have a go at taking the kids on the London Underground during rush hour as a warmup.
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I would rule out Bad Gastein. It’s a really great place and us happily go back but it usually requires buses, getting across a footbridge and the food on the mountain is well below the usual Austrian standard.

I think there are just too many negatives to deal with.

The spa is really great and it’s the best group lessons I’ve had but I don’t think it will work for the trip you’re about to do. When your kids are doing everything without help there’s some lovely skiing.
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Quote:

Maybe have a go at taking the kids on the London Underground during rush hour as a warmup.

whilst wearing ski boots and carrying skis
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bezthespaniard wrote:
So... based on this thread here is my plan:

1. I am going to get the kids and my wife taster lessons at ChillFactore - to see how they take to the snow.



My view on this is that indoor snow slopes are more likely to put your wife off...

- They can get VERY busy (dangerously so IMO). If you do go , make sure its a weekday when kids are at school.

- The gear they rent you will be totally knackered (I have been given skis with bindings hanging off). And they will not take the time to fit boots properly.

- They are very expensive. Money would be better spent on private lessons in resort.
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andybomb1 wrote:
I would rule out Bad Gastein. It’s a really great place and us happily go back but it usually requires buses, getting across a footbridge


Me too. The village is very hilly and walking in ski boots is tiring, especially carrying other people's equipment! Not sure there's much beginner skiing there either.

Agree about Chamonix too, it's not family friendly at all. Also, decent spa hotels in France are extremely pricey compared to Austria.

I don't go skiing in April so have no idea if these are suitable but Kitzbuhel is a lovely town and Wengen (thanks for reminding me @Ronald Cool ) is very nice too and full of non skiers who take trains everywhere. May be too low, though? As @JohnS4 said, Obergurgl may be good for you and that's high. The Bergwelt is fantastic but very pricey, although I've heard good reports of just about all the spa hotels there.
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I wonder if somewhere like a mountain spa in a ski resort would suit? I'm thinking of somewhere like the Bains d'Ovronnaz at 1350m in Ovronnaz Switzerland. Which is a very middle-of-the-road sort of spa (sort of 3 star). The ski area isn't big but then, first time skiing you're not going to be able to venture far anyway. And the hotel is right in the resort, so no long transfer to the learner slope to the base of the chairlift. The downside is that it's well, up the mountain, so unlike the more upmarket Bains de Saillon down in the valley, it's not so easy to venture out by train to places like Lausanne, Montreux or Geneva, or nearby Martigny or Sion. Perhaps if your wife took a look at the Ovronnaz and Saillon websites and gave you some feedback, you'd have a better idea of what she regards as a reasonable level of comfort and services for a spa - people's ideas of what's acceptable can vary a lot.


Last edited by Ski the Net with snowHeads on Mon 22-02-21 16:28; edited 3 times in total
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