 Poster: A snowHead
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| SnoodlesMcFlude wrote: |
| Scarlet wrote: |
| @Ray Zorro, Very much so, but I don't think my attitude is the unusual one. |
I don't know, the people I know who have got married recently have generally gone down that line. Isn't it a contradiction to be in favour of a tradition like marriage but not the (fairly numerous and strange) traditions which go with it?
Edit: And tbh I'd view it less of a 'asking permission' and more of a 'heads up' to her parents instead. |
I know one or two, but I associate the practice with those who are more religious and 'traditional' in that sense. Religion in the UK is generally in decline so it makes sense that ideas linked in with that become less commonplace too.
I don't think it is a contradiction. Marriage is a contract, the rest is fluff and you can include as much or as little of that as you like. The 'traditions' evolve anyway – compare the weddings you've been to recently with those you attended as a child. Some things will be pretty similar, but others will have changed quite a lot. I'd happily bin anything that feels like patriarchy, but each to their own. 'Heads up' or not, I'd still rather know I was getting married before my parents did!
Back on topic, did you know that if you were completely lacking in imagination/organisational skills/access to a handy ski forum, you can now pay someone to organise your proposal for you. And instagram it too, presumably 
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Our daughter’s proposal was at the top of the Chamossiere lift in Les Gets, after they had hiked up a bit more, apparently she was muttering ‘better be bloody worth it’ as SIL was talking about the view on such a bright day. He had the ring with him. The couple who were with them had dallied around at the top of the lift. She had spent what seemed like years, so she said, telling her husband to hang back on various chairlifts etc as she was hoping this proposal might one day happen.
I was told that evening by phone, and when I turned to tell my OH he just smiled, as he had been asked/told the night before by phone.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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| BRi87 wrote: |
| With regards to smuggling it to Alpbach - this is the big concern, as @Mjit said, being stopped going through security scares me and with my luck will probably happen. I could hide it in my boots in the suitcase? Or perhaps give it to my brother who is coming on a later flight? Or just put it in my carry-on making absolutely sure there are no liquids inside |
If you have someone you can trust (not to let the cat out of the bag more than not to pinch the ring) then I'd deff. give it to them. Takes a load of stress off of you...and lets you have a little chuckle knowing it's on them now. Good practice and story if your brother's going to be your best man too.
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@Scarlet, fair point. But would you really break up with someone because they'd asked your father? I understand that it can be viewed as a fairly offensive thing (the whole idea of some sort of ownership), but also that some people are traditionalists and like to respect that/see it as romantic.
Personally I think the whole concept of marriage and weddings can get in the bin, seems an expensive way to buy relatives dinner.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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| philwig wrote: |
| Scarlet wrote: |
| ...That really is a relic of another time. |
Indeed - I'm truly shocked by that concept. Wow. |
Horses for courses. Ray is the only one right here in advising it is what the future bride would want that it is important. I personally think it's romantic and respectful. Much like I think choosing to let the bride to be to go shopping to buy the ring afterwards is utterly unromantic, but that's my view so to assume it fits with everyone elses is ridiculous.
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| SnoodlesMcFlude wrote: |
@Scarlet, fair point. But would you really break up with someone because they'd asked your father? I understand that it can be viewed as a fairly offensive thing (the whole idea of some sort of ownership), but also that some people are traditionalists and like to respect that/see it as romantic.
Personally I think the whole concept of marriage and weddings can get in the bin, seems an expensive way to buy relatives dinner. |
Not necessarily, but to me it is a significant mis-match of views that should at least be discussed. If you know each other well, it won't be a surprise and you'd be unlikely to do something that your partner would find offensive.
Unfortunately, some rights can only be acquired by marriage. Just go to the pub 
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Asked her on the top of a deserted peak on New Years Eve in the PDS (touring - we skinned up there and not a soul around). Didn't have a ring as had no idea what she'd like - and neither did she. We shopped together and had something made - really enjoyable experience and she admitted that her idea of what she'd have initially chosen changed as we looked at rings so I'm glad I didn't drop a load of cash on the wrong ring!
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On the topic of asking the fathers/parents permission - I'm with Scarlet. I would be horrified if anyone asked my parents, and yes, would possibly consider it a dumpable offence. Two reasons:
1. I firmly believe that the first person you ask is the person whose answer matters the most. 100 years ago that was the father; now it is not. And if anyone suggested that my answer wasn't the important one, then they'd be in trouble!
2. They're MY parents - I would want to be the one to tell them. I think it would be lovely to be able to call them up and tell them what's happening, and how happy I am, and hear their immediate reaction directly from them.
However, realistically I can't see this ever being an issue:
| Scarlet wrote: |
Not necessarily, but to me it is a significant mis-match of views that should at least be discussed. If you know each other well, it won't be a surprise and you'd be unlikely to do something that your partner would find offensive.
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Yep - how likely is it that someone knows you well enough to want to marry you, but would be surprised by your views/decision making/family relationships etc.
Edit: also, I’m personally not a fan of the big ‘proposal’ thing. I’d want it to be a joint decision – something we discuss and agree together, rather than a grand question from them to me. But that’s just me 
P.S. @BRi87 - congrats! I hope it all goes really well for you and you have an awesome trip 
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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You don't actually ask the parents if you can marry their daughter. You ask for their blessing to ask her.
Incidentally, when my wife and I were talking about the whole subject after we were engaged she told me she was planning on asking me, and she was going to ask my parents for their blessing first. So it's hardly a relic from another time IMO.
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I do agree with the "do it in private" feelings on this page. I can't imagine anything less romantic than being proposed to in a pre-set up public setting. And obviously that's not just me - been said several times above. My husband would never have dreamt of buying a ring before proposing (he wasn't good at presents - one birthday he gave me the same book he'd given me for Christmas less than two months previously). But we were in Austria (not on a ski slope, it was summer) and we went ring shopping in Salzburg IIRC. His brother was with us on the holiday and was on the shopping trip but not in at the proposal.....
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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My wife always thought I would propose on a ski trip but I did it up the eifle tower while were we there for my friends 65th, we were then off to les menuires, first and only time she has been speechless, I didnt have a ring though as was worried it wouldnt be right, that was just as well as she claims she searched my bags for a ring as she thought I might do it in resort.
She did say yes after asking where the ring was
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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I'm with Scarlet and fixx on this one, I'd be pretty horrified if Mr Juno had asked my parents before asking me, for the reasons fixx outlines. But then we're not exactly traditionalists - there wasn't a proposal on either side, we sort of agreed whilst drunk that we'd get married. We got married with two friends as witnesses, and the only reason we told either set of parents beforehand is because Mr Juno felt like he ought to tell his own parents.
But then, as fixx says, I don't imagine I'd ever be in a relationship for long with someone who thought they should actually talk to my parents before having any conversation with me about getting married!
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Do it on the last day so that if she declines then at least you've still had a decent holiday.
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You know it makes sense.
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| Legend. wrote: |
| Horses for courses. ... Much like I think choosing to let the bride to be to go shopping to buy the ring afterwards is utterly unromantic, but that's my view so to assume it fits with everyone elses is ridiculous. |
Sure: the shock is all mine. I didn't know such views still existed, I'd not got around to disparaging them.
If your dad say's it's ok for you to marry someone, do you also agree to "obey" them? Do these folk also marry as virgins?
What happens if the dad says "no", when he's asked?
Is there a dowry?
It's a whole new world.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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| philwig wrote: |
| Legend. wrote: |
| Horses for courses. ... Much like I think choosing to let the bride to be to go shopping to buy the ring afterwards is utterly unromantic, but that's my view so to assume it fits with everyone elses is ridiculous. |
Sure: the shock is all mine. I didn't know such views still existed, I'd not got around to disparaging them.
If your dad say's it's ok for you to marry someone, do you also agree to "obey" them? Do these folk also marry as virgins?
What happens if the dad says "no", when he's asked?
Is there a dowry?
It's a whole new world. |
I know right, crazy to think there can be alternative views to ones own! Some might even be acceptable alternatives. Crazy times.
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Poster: A snowHead
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| philwig wrote: |
| Legend. wrote: |
| Horses for courses. ... Much like I think choosing to let the bride to be to go shopping to buy the ring afterwards is utterly unromantic, but that's my view so to assume it fits with everyone elses is ridiculous. |
Sure: the shock is all mine. I didn't know such views still existed, I'd not got around to disparaging them.
If your dad say's it's ok for you to marry someone, do you also agree to "obey" them? Do these folk also marry as virgins?
What happens if the dad says "no", when he's asked?
Is there a dowry?
It's a whole new world. |
No - it's still a traditional world
I'm somewhat surprised at your "shock".
I can't find any figures for the UK but from this Washington Post article, in the US in 2016, 74% of US grooms ask their in laws for their permission before proposing.
It is a common feature in US films.
It's obviously down to the individual couples themselves what they do, with strong expressions on here on both sides.
That doesn't of course mean that one thing is right and the other wrong - just that people are different.
But for anyone to believe that it was no longer considered important in the UK at all, you'd have to live in a very isolated bubble. 
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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| Quote: |
we were then off to les menuires, first and only time she has been speechless,
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Many people have been speechless on seeing Les Menuires 
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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| Quote: |
we were then off to les menuires, first and only time she has been speechless,
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Many people have been speechless on seeing Les Menuires
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Ahh, Country Life magazine. Are landowners with increasingly unaffordable country piles still using its pages to pimp their eligible Barbour-clad daughters out to rich bankers? I wonder what Debrett's have to say on the matter.
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I can't imagine anything less romantic than being proposed to in public with a photographer present (especially the way I expect to look in the middle of a ski day )
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Why ask the Father and not the Mother?
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Why ask the girlfriend and not her sister?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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its doing it that counts. If she's bothered about where, take the proposal back and don't marry her!
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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| twoodwar wrote: |
| its doing it that counts. If she's bothered about where, take the proposal back and don't marry her! |
I couldn't agree more! Well said that Snowhead!
I'm not suggesting that this applies to the OP but such occasions, including the wedding, have increasingly become more about the show than the actual event - seemingly the more expensive, glitzy, showy and socialmediaworthy the better 
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Wow it's really starting to take off here.
Rather than ask for permission I stated my intention shall we say to her dad over a pint or seven one night - only because knowing my o/h I knew that would mean a lot to her and him. He won't say a thing to her mum, he's good as gold like that and he was made up at being consulted in the first place - might get an extra few quid out of him for it
Otherwise, I'm not one to stand on ceremony at all and never would've bothered - as someone said earlier it's horses for courses.
Any way, no photographer will be present, not us at all. A quiet spot off the beaten path and then a skinfull with our mates that night and we'll be like pigs in the proverbial.
It's a while away yet but I'll update with any developments!
Thanks all
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@BRi87,
| Quote: |
Rather than ask for permission I stated my intention...and he was made up at being consulted in the first place |
Lovely. Traditional but not 'patriarchal', just the job.
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You know it makes sense.
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Just plan a spot with no-one around and a gorgeous view on a sunny day and use the "let's go and look at the view just up here" ruse. Pop the question then whip a half bottle of champers out of your bag and plastic glasses (needs must, you can't risk breaking them) so you can toast the moment. Tie a ribbon around the ring just in case you drop it, wait til it's safely on her finger!!
My OH proposed at sunset in Tuscany in the garden of our villa with no-one about - it was perfect. I'd have been mortified if he'd done it anywhere busy (he never would have done though). He got the ring through security tucked in his wallet.
Good luck!! xx
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Good luck!
Good on you for choosing a ring. I’d have been disappointed if my now husband had proposed with an Argos ring and gone shopping afterwards. It would have smacked of lack of effort and not knowing me! What he chose was perfect.
My advice would be to do it at the start of the holiday for two reasons. Firstly so you can then spend the week celebrating and secondly because in all honesty I think a lot of women figure out that something is about to happen so don’t spend the week psyching yourself up because I bet she will guess something is up and then spoil the surprise!
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Poster: A snowHead
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| Quote: |
It would have smacked of lack of effort and not knowing me!
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Good to show him who his line manager is
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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I'm not really into the concept of marriage and weddings but if someone proposed to me on a ski slope I'd definitely say yes! Good luck
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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All this talk of ‘ask my dad first and I’ll dump you’ smacks of situations that will never happen. Either party would have dumped the other long before any proposal. Rightly so.
If any bloke asked me for permission to marry my girl, I wouldn’t say no (unless he was eg a woman beater). It is up to her to say yes/no. I trust her judgement.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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| Frosty the Snowman wrote: |
| Do it on the last day so that if she declines then at least you've still had a decent holiday. |
.... or do it on the first day so if she says no then you don‘t have to carry her skis all week.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Can anyone on this forum talk about skiing without bringing in a load of SJW-type crap about the patriarchy or Brexit? Even a wedding proposal has to be politicised. Are you people always on?
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You'll need to Register first of course.
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| Quote: |
Can anyone on this forum talk about skiing without bringing in a load of SJW-type crap about the patriarchy or Brexit? Even a wedding proposal has to be politicised. Are you people always on?
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Zzzzzzzzzzzz
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Just on the way home.....and she said Yes! 
I got down on one knee in a particularly deep piece of snow and ended up falling over (face-planting) but it only made it more memorable!
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@BRi87, Yay
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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@BRi87, Congratulations
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@BRi87, fantastic!
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