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So what 10 things did you learn on your first ski holiday?

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Spotted on my MSN feed - taken from the DT.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/travel/news/you-ll-probably-fall-for-your-instructor-10-things-i-learnt-on-my-first-ski-holiday/ar-BB1fOZvx?li=AAJsPCA

1 How to stop
2 How to fall over
3 How to snowplough
4 That I didn't actually know the French for garlic bread
5 How to dance in ski boots
6 I don't like whiteouts
7 I do like apres ski
8 French ski apartments are a tad on the small side
9 My wife doesn't like skiing
10 I wanted to do it again

I didn't fall in love with my ski instructor.
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 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
1. Don’t drink half of the duty free gin the night before your first lesson on snow;
2. A chalet holiday with 24 of your mates and mates’ mates is the best fun ever;
3. Never go skiing in the first week after the french winter Olympics.
4. How to queue french style..i.e tactically and with vigour;
5. Never tell a beginner (me!) to “come with us after lunch...you’ll be fine on a blue run”.
6. Salade Chèvre et frites is the best lunch ever.
7. Mulled wine is called Vin Chaud and you can drink it at 11am;
8. ESF is a bit rubbish;
9. Skiiing makes body parts hurt you never expect..but it’s great!
10...and you still have the energy to go out clubbing till 2am..
(This was 1992...)
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Gloves are not optional
Snow road is not as easy as it sounds and 6km is hard trudge through the snow when you realise it
Putting your snowboard into a slot and getting into a gondola with everyone watching is quite difficult
“Yeah they fit” without knowing how they are supposed to fit leads to foot pain.
Coxyckx bruise is painful
6 days go to quick
1 last run usually leads to injury
You cant learn how to use a button lift as a snowboarder by watching skiers
Lift queue etiquette looks like a scrum
Its winter, why are you wearing sunblock?


Last edited by Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see? on Mon 19-04-21 18:39; edited 1 time in total
ski holidays
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
1. France is Very big
2. Autoroutes are Very Very Fast
3. The mountains in the Alps are HUGE
4. If you want to see the mountain tops, look out the sunroof not the windscreen
5. When in snows, the snow is still there next week not just next day (maybe)
6. The ski lifts and runs are soooo looong
7. French (UHT) milk tastes bad in Tea
8. Alcohol is available to primary school kids
9. French bread is strange
10. Why do we have to go back to wales?
(this was 1982.......I was Cool
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
1971, French exchange to Les Agudes:
1. Skis are long and thin
2. Pistebashers haven't yet been invented
3. Skiing is seen as a strange holiday to go on
4. Always wear sunglasses
5. You get panda eyes
6 "Derapage" is useful when it gets steep
7. Afternoon slush is easier than morning rutted hard-pack
8. Everyone skis with their skis tight together, going clickety-click down the mountain
9. You get very hungry and can eat what you like without putting on weight
10. You happily spend two weeks each year in the same tiny resort with one chair and 4 drags


Last edited by Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do. on Tue 20-04-21 7:48; edited 2 times in total
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
1. Los Angeles is enormous and essentially a barren low rise wasteland
2. A duck stance is perfectly acceptable
3. Pistes are frikkin enormous compared to Tamworth
4. California has lots of sun
5. That sun is very hot
6. I burn like crispy duck
7. If you get sunburned enough, your ear can crack
8. Hot tubs are essential for a successful moutain experience.
9. Head injuries happen
10. I will define myself as a snowboarder for the rest of my days.
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
1. French self-catered flats are tiny
2. Self-catering is pump when you're hungry after skiing
3. Yes, the mountains can be really cold
4. It's possible to learn to ski a black piste in a week
5. The north-east to Tignes via coach without somewhere to sleep is vile
6. Skiing as a student is sort-of fun
7. The rear part of the binding has to be pushed down to step back in
8. I wish my parents had taken me when I was a kiddie
9. French women are 100% essence
10. French men are grots
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
2018:
1. I thought Wales was God’s country until I went to the Dolomites.
2. Flat light without the right goggles sucks.
3. That early morning corduroy is horrible.
4. That I absolutely love moguls and chopped up snow.
5. You are not too old to learn to ski at 62.
6. Lessons and 50 hours in a snowdome before your first skiing trip is time and money well spent.
7. You bruise easier as you get older (but it’s nothing that Rule 5 and paracetamol can’t cure).
8. Listening to admin’s music is not good for your tinnitus.
9. Snowhead’s Bashes are brilliant fun.
10. I did not f##ing die on the Friday.
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
@Awdbugga, your #10 is the best! Laughing
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
Awdbugga wrote:
2018:
1. I thought Wales was God’s country until I went to the Dolomites.


WHAAAAT! Seriously, you weren't certain! Very Happy
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
2009:
1. I should have learnt to ski when I was 20
2. Snow is much nicer to fall over on (lots) than a dry ski slope
3. Badly fitting ski boots can be instruments of torture
4. I don’t like group ski lessons and not a great fan of ESF instructors either
5. Take lots of T-shirts with you – catered ski chalets are heated like saunas
6. Tiger Balm is a must have essential item
7. Vin Chaud and Tartiflette are a combination made in heaven
8. You can wear neon green/pink/purple/yellow trousers and not look out of place
9. A week is nowhere near long enough
10. Three year olds ski better than I did
ski holidays
 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
1995
Learning to ski before your expensive ski holiday on a dry slope may cause injury.
That injury doesn't mean you have to cancel your holiday, you just need bigger gloves.
Learning to ski together doesn't mean you end up in the same ski class
Your (small) kids may prefer not to go skiing.
Your child may be sick going up and down mountain roads.
My hubby does not like cheese fondue.
Don't go skiing with your friends in the afternoon.
Skiing is not all about bluebird powder days, there may be snowstorms, thunder, lightning and avalanches.
That borrowed C&A ski suit does not keep out the rain.
When does next year's brochure come out?
ski holidays
 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
1st holiday was a teenager back in the "is there any snow in resort?" days of drought asked more in hope to expectation to the transfer rep.

- Answer to above question was of course no but a bus was laid on to a nearby resort
- Nearby resort wasn't that nearby necessitating really antisocial starts if you were a teenager
- As above French milk tastes like dousing your cornflakes in shiite
- Being the only "nearby" resort with snow it was of course overwhelmed
- I'd already learnt to ski looking at the Mersey haveing my skin ripped off by coarse toothbrushes: snow seemed to be a a piece of wee wee by comparison
- If you order chicken at a special regional cuisine restaurant recommended by a tour rep you'll be served an incinerated sparrow served in a dark wardrobe like enclosure and moan like hell to be allowed to have a burger later
- "Follow me" wasn't really a very sound method for ski instruction but titting around with your brother in the afternoon was quite good
- Having a snazzy C& A jacket with removeable sleeves was quite a good idea when it was scorchio in the afternoon but not very waterproof when you inadvertently failed at accidental pond skimming
- The week flew by, by the last night we were completely shagged out, but were hooked.
-
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
1. Skiing for 5 years before going on a actual ski holiday was utterly ridiculous.

2. It's a big bad world outside of the little local mountain.

3. Berliner doughnuts are fricking delicious.

4. Be at the lifts just before they open, and come down just as the last one shuts, skiing every minute in between, otherwise you ain't hardcore.

5. Making it up as you go along is the best way to ski. (Within reason of course.)

6. NEVER EVER go on a sledge track.

7. Rope tows are arm-ripping devil's spawn.

8. Poor conditions are absolutely brilliant.

9. I actually prefer skiing on my own.

10. Apres ski, Spas and package holidays are for weaklings. Pot noodles for dinner, staying in a tiny cheap room from 1970, watching the telly in the evenings huddled over a tiny phone and booking everything 2 days before you go are for the REAL skiers. Toofy Grin
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
1988

1. Ski instructors don’t show you how to arrange the loops on ski poles – under the hand rather than over.
2. Ski pole thumb is very painful and you will see shades of yellow and purple in the bruising that you haven’t come across before.
3. Surgeries in tiny Austrian villages (Oberau) are like mini hospitals and are very efficient.
4. Electrotherapy is surprisingly soothing.
5. After a couple of days, they set the plaster with you holding a ski pole so that you can return to the slopes in spite of your injury.
6. If the travel company (teacher accompanying a school trip) are rearranging their schedules and give you two extra days free of charge, this is not necessarily a good thing (see 7).
7. If you go tobogganing on day 7, and there is a single telegraph pole in the middle of a very wide field, you can guarantee that children will hit it.
8. It’s not a good idea to let the group leader talk you into being the one that informs parents back home.
9. Larger hospitals (Worgl) are also very efficient.
10. In spite of everything, you will be hooked for life.
ski holidays
 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Andorra 1986
1, Skiing is fun despite massive hangovers.

2, Spanish bottled beer gives you massive hangovers.

3. Skiing is even more fun with just a mild hangover.

4. A diet of rum & coke makes your poops look like a series of black slugs escaping.

5. Coming down from a high of adrenaline & caffeine means you sleep through every meeting at work for two weeks after a ski trip.

6, Closing the mountain due to wind at 9am then opening the bars is questionable, reopening the mountain at lunchtime, after 3 hours of drinking is a very bad idea.

7. Gingers get fried in Andorran sun.

8. Choosing to skip the chair lift queue by taking the poma for your very first ever lift up the mountain is a dumb idea, especially when you fall off and the only way down is via a heavily mogulled red run for your very first run on snow.

9. At 21, complete end over end wipeouts don't hurt.

10, I learned to ski and got addicted to something I might never have bothered with if this first trip was not a 21st birthday present.
ski holidays
 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
1988:

1. That the Alps is just WOW. Everybody should see this!

2.That there can be no more beautiful place on Earth than the Tirol.

3. That oompah music and banging nails into wood is so much fun - but that apres ski can lead to the worst hangover of your life.

4. That the local word for the white stuff is Schnee.

5. That the ordeal of a 24 hour coach trip from North East England to Austria to go skiing is well worth it.

6. That even on a bus trip, your luggage can go to the wrong resort. (Changed buses in Kent. The luggage didn't...)

7. That 8 months of dryslope skiing at home has (ahem) turned me into Franz Klammer - black runs? Bring them on!

8. That, even in December, there is fresh snow down to 600m and all resort runs are open, with perfect snow.

9. That future holidays (and life) are changed for ever.

10. That a plane had crashed at Lockerbie. (We still pass the phone box I was ringing home from when we are en-route to Hintertux....)
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 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
1. You lose count when you get to 50+ on the amount of times you have fallen over on your first day
2. Snow ploughing is the hardest way to stop
3. Almost nothing beats a beer in a deckchair in the sunshine at the top of a mountain in early April
4. Getting up after falling over on skis on flat ground is hard
5. If your resort has one run into it that is semi-steep, it will be very mogully at the end of the day, and especially hard to ski if it gets slushy (But falling over on said slope is hilarious if taken in good spirit)
6. Your mates who are impatient explode into bursts of rage in big lift queues when seats are left empty on chair lifts and gondalas not filled up
7. Apres ski is brilliant fun and reminds you of younger days where people were carefree
8. The better you can ski the safer going fast(ish) feels
9. Bruises heal eventually, lumps on bones can last forever
10. Belgium trappist beer at lunch does not aide afternoon skiing
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 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
2002

1) Sliding, not snowplough “eez better”
2) Realisation that life was about to get more expensive
3) Ibuprofen: a surprisingly acceptable pre-breakfast, pre-anything way to enable getting out of bed and starting the day
4) Apres ski: a surprisingly acceptable post skiing activity to end the day, easing one’s way to bed
5) Moguls (and indeed anything without corduroy) to be avoided. At all costs.
6) The sound and feel of heels clicking in to bindings is addictive
7) Having a piste named after you must be very cool....Luc Alphand.
8. Trying to muscle oneself down a mountain on 2 planks (or not, sometimes Laughing ) may not be the most effective means...refer to point ‘2’....
9) Benign blue pistes are life-threatening, terrifying bits of snow-covered terrain
10) How can something so exhausting and painful possibly be so exhilarating and fun?
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
In 1970 I learned that when your ski instructor leaves you up the mountain when the lift closes for lunch, a nice American lady will buy you lunch.
When your instructor does it a 2nd time, your parents will be a bit cross with her.
Your father can walk up to the top of the lift in under an hour.
Lace up leather ski boots are not comfortable.
Leaning back doesn’t slow you down.
It’s always sunny in Austria.
The food in Austria is strange but delicious.
You can have whipped cream on hot chocolate.
Austrian ski instructors have nice dogs.
Austrian ski instructors have nice bottoms.
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
1992

1) As good as skiing in Scotland/Sheffield dry slope was, it pales in comparison to the awesomeness of the Alps
2) 24 hours by coach from Nottingham is not comfortable, although on the way back it was mostly slept through
3) Sharing a chalet with 70+ students was a lot of fun, but not conducive to a good night's sleep
4) Going on the Men's Olympic downhill run at Val D'Isere just after the Albertville Olympics as a relative beginner with half the population of France was not a fun experience
5) Croque Monsieur is really tasty and just about affordable as a student
6) Ski passes tied to your jacket zip are really annoying as they flap around in the wind, and have a tendency to be lost unless you were in the Scouts and know how to tie a good knot
7) Ski with people of a similar ability otherwise its exhausting catching up with them for them to head off again immediately
Cool Beer in France is really expensive compared to student clubs in Nottingham
9) Exactly how do you ski in this deep powdery snow?
10) Put me down for next year's trip...it's been amazing
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
1983 with my sisters on a family holiday that parents could not come due to illness.
two sisters had skied on a school trip.
I was in my final year at Uni and had never skied nor had youngest sister.

1) Twin beds in Austria are actually double beds, bad luck sister who had to share with smelly brother.
2) Austrian breakfasts are excellent, hotel food in the evening where we walked for half board a lot less so.
3) When on a budget Chocolate brought from home for lunch works fine.
4) Skiing is fantastic
5) everyone in my group bar me was female, most a fair bit older. They all fell down on purpose to be picked up by handsome ski instructor.
6)People who could actually ski looked fabulous doing it.
7)My boot binding combination was very curious and I've never seen anything like them since, the binding attached to a plastic protrusion on the bottom of the boot.
Cool How to look after youngest sister when she was a bit tipsy and oggling ski instructor after visit to 'night club' (The Whisky Muhle)
9) Wish I had lift pass for last day
10) Must go again next year with girl friend. (Who didn't really take to it and we split up later)
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 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
T Bar wrote:

7)My boot binding combination was very curious and I've never seen anything like them since, the binding attached to a plastic protrusion on the bottom of the boot.


Spademan I belive

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spademan_binding
ski holidays
 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
This thread is a great idea. My favourite entry so far is:

Quote:
That borrowed C&A ski suit does not keep out the rain


It says so much, in so few words...... Laughing
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
@Idris, I thought Spademan plates were metal.

My thought was that T Bar was maybe describing the Look Integral system, or just plate bindings like Gertsch ones.
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 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
rjs wrote:
@Idris, I thought Spademan plates were metal.

My thought was that T Bar was maybe describing the Look Integral system, or just plate bindings like Gertsch ones.

It was the Look Integral I think they look familiar.
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 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
It was, i believe 1971, and I was only 4 so I don't think I noticed 10 things, but a few highlights stick in my mind...

1. Mild steel bent unto a U-shape and pierced to provide grip of the sides of the boots' toes are not adequate as front bindings, even for 4 year olds

2. Welly boots are not designed to work as ski boots in u-shaped mild steel plates with spikes going into the sides, even for a 4 year old.

3. The skin of 4 year old's feet is not impervious to spikes penetrating the surrounding welly boot

4. At 4 years old, if you are obviously having a total whale of a time skiing, it is markedly more difficult to convince sceptical parents that your feet are really, really sore, and that you are probably bleeding to actual death.

5. Welly boots filled to the brim with blood and with multiple holes surrounding the toes are of little further use, even to a 4 year old.

6. The very next day I got to meet the inestimable Frith Finlayson and hired my very first ski boots (leather, lace up, painful in different ways but less prone to exsanguination).

7. Hotel elevators are nearly as much fun as skiing*

* This opinion has since worn off ...
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 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
pam w wrote:
This thread is a great idea. My favourite entry so far is:

Quote:
That borrowed C&A ski suit does not keep out the rain


It says so much, in so few words...... Laughing


It's like a Billy Bragg lyric...for those aspiring to be middle class


Quote:
That borrowed C&A ski suit does not keep out the rain [furious strum]
That's the price of your ASS-per-ation down in Brain
-treeeeeee



http://youtube.com/v/W1_uEbGJtnY
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 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
Quote:
That borrowed C&A ski suit does not keep out the rain

That would be something to learn at the same time as you learn that rain does not have a similar effect on the skiability of snow as it does on plastic
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 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Maybe 1985, age 16.
Planes go very fast down the runway. And try to pull your stomach to the floor as they take off.
The Alps are BIG.
Mountains are so beautiful covered in snow (or not).
Looking a bit like Wurzel Gummidge in all the borrowed ski clothing isn't so bad when a third of the group are the same.
Snow is a lot slippier than nailbrush grids.
Snow is a lot nicer to fall on than nailbrush grids.
Italian ski instructors are more for show than tell. Particularly showing the young ladies.
Ugly girls don't go on ski holidays.
Cheap goggles are rubbish if not downright dangerous.
You have a year to plan how to make sure you get on the next trip.
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 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
T Bar wrote:

Cool How to look after youngest sister when she was a bit tipsy and oggling ski instructor after visit to 'night club' (The Whisky Muhle)


Soll?
ski holidays
 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
1986
Ski boots hurt your feet , ankles and shins.
You only need 1 pair of socks on when your skiing.
How ever many layers you wear you will be either too hot or too cold.
Sunscreen stings when it gets in your eyes
3 courses for lunch will just about get you through to the end of skiing
If you eat only one course for lunch you will have to stop for apple strudel with cream and hot chocolate with cream and rum before returning to hotel after skiing.
Your legs work really well walking upstairs after you take your ski boots off. However It only works for the first 3- 4 stairs .
Anti histamines should have been packed as you are allergic to feather pillows and eiderdown duvets.
The beginners meadow that you couldn't walk.up on monday is so flat you have to use the stick things to push your self down by Saturday.
Should have started skiing much earlier.
ski holidays
 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
1990 ish
1 My word it’s expensive.
2 As a biker, leaning the wrong way and skidding was so wrong...
3 Never use a t bar with your shorter than you wife.
4 Make sure you grab your skis of the back of the train.
5 Don’t drink at lunchtime.
6 How painful snowploughing for ages is.
7 The boots are so uncomfortable, even the rear entry jobs.
8 Bend z neeeze was the mantra.
9 This is fun.
10 I am an addict.
ski holidays
 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
2014
1) You absolutely can do a ski holiday on a budget
2) Skiing is pretty tiring
3) An hour lesson and a few hours of skiing is enough to learn the basics
4) It's a bad idea to try and teach those basics to a friend
5) It's silly to spend hundreds of pounds on a 6 day ski trip and get so badly drunk that you lose a ski day
I unfortunately learned that this was a fact, but I didn't benefit from it as a lesson and have repeated the error since

6) Mug Shot pasta really isn't that nice
7) Tartiflette absolutely is
Cool You don't sit down on a poma
9) That 2 inch fresh snow on a groomed run just feels fantastic.
10) That I love skiing and being in the mountains and I need to do it as much as possible

Lots more learned since, in particular around the lessons thing
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 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
[quote="Mr.Egg"]
T Bar wrote:

Soll?

Yup
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 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
One I forgot
11) Motorbike gloves are not much use in the snow.
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 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
T Bar wrote:
One I forgot
11) Motorbike gloves are not much use in the snow.


Really, back in the day when I fetishised (mostly white) race gloves, I always thought that it looked like the construction of bike gloves was remarkably similar to race gloves (and often had the same manufacturers).
ski holidays
 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
1. Skiing is fun
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 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
under a new name wrote:
T Bar wrote:
One I forgot
11) Motorbike gloves are not much use in the snow.


Really, back in the day when I fetishised (mostly white) race gloves, I always thought that it looked like the construction of bike gloves was remarkably similar to race gloves (and often had the same manufacturers).

Maybe it was my cheapo gloves but I remember them being useless
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 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
@T Bar, if they’re meant to keep your fingers dry & toasty at 70mph in a monsoon up the M1 they should be ok skiing!
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