 Poster: A snowHead
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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My embarrassing moment wasn't on skis and not a lot of people witnessed it....so if you lot don't tell anyone, I might just get away with it. 
I was staying in a Hotel in the 3V which had a small Pool/Sauna/Jacuzzi. They were doing up their changing area, so we had to hang our clothes on a peg.
After a hard day's skiing, I went down to their "Wellness Area", hung my clothes on the peg and had a very relaxing time, easing my stiff old bones with steam and hot bubbles.
After about an hour, I was suitably cooked and feeling pleasantly tired, in a relaxed sort of way, so went back into the changing room and over to my peg. I pulled on my pants and then my jeans....only to find that my jeans were now 2" too big. In my woozy state, I thought, "I've effing melted in there" (it was very hot after all). I then reached for my shirt....except it wasn't my shirt.
Gradually the fog in my brain started to clear, allowing logic to prevail..."If that isn't my shirt, then these aren't my jeans."... but as I continued following through with this train of thought, I could feel a cold shiver start at the bottom of my spine and work its way to the top of my head, raising the hairs on the back of my neck....if these aren't my jeans, then I'm wearing somebody else's underwear!!!
I think I screamed - one of those unflattering girly efforts - while I continued to shudder at the very thought of it.
I looked left and my worst fears were confirmed. There were my clothes (looking very similar - same brand of jeans on top) hanging neatly where I'd left them. This spurred me into action....not a controlled, methodical sort of action.....but one led by blind panic. Hopping around on one leg like a demented pogo stick, tugging frantically on the other (his jeans were slimmer fitting), swearing silently to myself.
I finally succeeded in removing the jeans...and with a final grimace, flung off the interloping underwear, placed the clothes back on the peg, hoping that their owner would never realize that a complete stranger had worn his boxers.
I was so absorbed in my personal crisis, that I forgot that I might have an audience. When I finally looked round, there were only a couple of kids (thank goodness), who were far too involved in their own business to pass any remarks. I wished them a "Good Evening" in as deep and calm a voice as I could muster and sauntered nonchalantly out.
Telling Lady F was a tactical error, as not only did it nearly cause a conniption, but she thought everyone she knew should be informed.
Last edited by Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see? on Thu 5-01-17 21:00; edited 9 times in total
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Fantastic!!
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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That's the funniest thing I've heard in ages, @Old Fartbag!!!
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| Handy Turnip wrote: |
| That's the funniest thing I've heard in ages, @Old Fartbag!!! |
Unfortunately, Lady F thought the same!
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Ah!@Old Fartbag thats the trouble with all this wellness stuff.
My moment was October 1994 in Neustift.
I think I know how to behave in saunas and steam rooms .. that is be a good European and take your kit off.
So I did, nice sauna cooked to a prune.
Showered and dried off and went around to the Jacuzzi which had a couple of young couples bubbling away in it.
I sat there for a few minutes when I noticed that the young ladies straps on their swimsuits were showing.
Then one the guys got up and he was wearing swimming trunks!
Now tell me which is correct, drive on the left or the right?
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| DrLawn wrote: |
Ah!@Old Fartbag thats the trouble with all this wellness stuff.
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"Wellness" my ar$e, so to speak. 
Last edited by You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net. on Thu 5-01-17 21:58; edited 2 times in total
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| DrLawn wrote: |
Ah!@Old Fartbag thats the trouble with all this wellness stuff.
My moment was October 1994 in Neustift.
I think I know how to behave in saunas and steam rooms .. that is be a good European and take your kit off.
So I did, nice sauna cooked to a prune.
Showered and dried off and went around to the Jacuzzi which had a couple of young couples bubbling away in it.
I sat there for a few minutes when I noticed that the young ladies straps on their swimsuits were showing.
Then one the guys got up and he was wearing swimming trunks!
Now tell me which is correct, drive on the left or the right? |
Golden rule - in sauna follow the finnish approach 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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| mooney058 wrote: |
Golden rule - in sauna follow the finnish approach |
....being whacked by a small bush?
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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You know it makes sense.
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on the same holiday i had 2 moments, neither were embarrassing for me as i am used to the mickey taking, but embarrassing for the other people.....i am a very big boy in the man department and as such i need to wear trousers that are a bit to big for me around the waist to accomodate the extra baggage elsewhere, now as your all aware at airports you have to remove your belts, usually i wear a fabric belt so i dont have to remove it, but on this occassion i had a metal belt so had to take it off, i kept one hand on my trousers to hold them up or they would just fall to the floor, the very nice security girl asked me to move my hands so she could frisk me, i told her if i did my trousers would fall down and i"m not wearing any underwear, she said she didnt believe me and in the interests of security i would be arrested if i did not move my hands, so i turned round to the other people waiting and warned them what would happen if i moved my hands and if they did want to look you should look away now, i moved my hands, my trousers fell down and i was stood there half naked, the security girl shrieked and ran off, the very old lady behind me said you dont get very many of them to a pound, then a very portly man security guard came over and told every one to settle down, i asked him if i could put back on my trousers, he said yes and i went through the scanners, i saw the girl security guard sat down with a cup of tea, so i went up to her and asked if she was alright, she said it was her first day on the job and she never expected to see that, thats when i should have asked her for phone number. on the same holiday which was in arabba, i was skiing down the long blue piste home run when i got stopped by the ski patrol, "do you know its dangerous to ski with things hidden in your trousers" he said, yes i replied,but i"ve nothing down there but me, prove it he says, my mate is now laughing his head off saying the ski patrol man is obviously gay and he just wants to have a look, so once again i let everything drop to the floor and once again i find myself half naked in front of a stranger, the patrol man said thank you and skied off, this is the only holiday i"ve ever had where i have had this problem, and for it to happen twice in a couple of days.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Yeah, right....
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Poster: A snowHead
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| Old Fartbag wrote: |
....being whacked by a small bush? |
Is that not what happened to Saddam Hussein?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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do i detect a note of cynycism, its all true, medically speaking i have whats known as a hydrocele, and its being operated on this year, no longer will i be teased and ridiculed in the showers after football.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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@compostcorner,
the implausible bits are less your, er, proportions than the fact than
A) given all that you'd chose not to where some kind of undercrackers
B) even more that the ski patrol would stop someone for having a bulging crotch
C) either you or he would think it was appropriate to disrobe beside the piste to settle a nonsensical debate
surely you can do better than that!
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Many years ago when I was 18 I thought I was God's gift to skiing. With that in mind I approached a drag lift queue at great speed waiting for the last second to stop in the skiing equivalent of a hand brake turn... However I seriously misjudged it, realising it was going too fast I cut round the back of the large queue, however I couldn't then loose any speed as the snow was rough and icy. So I carried on at full speed straight into the side of the lift operators wooden hut. Both bindings gave and I hit straight into the hut and collapsed in a heap. Looking up I could see lots of people all looking at me thinking the same thing... My 190cm skis were bent up badly 20cm from the tips, which I had to use for another few months and acted as a useful reminder to not be a dick.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Most of mine have started with the phrase "watch this" and ended in various crumpled heaps on the floor.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
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I particularly liked the undercurrent of homophobia in @compostcorner post. Obviously all Italians are effette men staring at men's groins looking for an excuse to grope them.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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My friend lost his ski at the bottom of a chairlift in Tignes a few years ago. Not a huge problem, spotted by the liftie and given to someone a couple of chairs behind.
As we got towards the top, I called out to the liftie there that we had a skier with only one ski. He swiftly came out of his hut and looked as if he was about to slow the lift for us (it was one of the older un-detachable ones). Instead, he just stood there watching as I attempted to keep my mate upright and moving forward on his one ski.
Skillfully he skidded under me, pulling me to the ground with him and we lay in a heap in the middle of the exit area. Liftie just stared at us, muttering, left the lift going at normal speed and only stopped it when half the people on the lift behind had nearly joined us on the snow.
My wife, who was on the lift with us, just skied off into the distance as if we had nothing to do with her 
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It was the first night of my very first learn to ski holiday in Pamporovo with 2 housemates and the hotel we were staying in was on quite a steep hill. I couldn't understand why people were gingerly walking down trying not to slip and decided it would be much easier to just slide down the relatively short hill on my feet. Of course I hadn't thought about how I was going to stop and after sliding about 4 feet I'd already gathered too much momentum to stop with any kind of dignity and ended up running head long into a (thankfully soft) snow bank at the bottom of the hill. Lesson learned 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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@narbs, In fairness, your good lady wife was correct in her action. Not only did she clear the disembarkation zone to allow the next chair to exit promptly, but her rapid exit reduced the taint of shame associated with your pileup to a minimum for her, and save your feelings from hearing her laughing her back bottom off.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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Hooning into the area at the bottom of a chairlift in Hemsedal. Light was very flat. Just about to put the anchors on when right ski hits a three-feet high pile of snow. Left ski doesn't. Right ski stops, left one doesn't, projecting me face forwards into said snow pile, winding me and covering me in snow. Roll onto my back to take a breath to see wife and two kids taking photos and hear lots of cheering from those in the lift queue.
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| handbag wrote: |
| It was the first night of my very first learn to ski holiday in Pamporovo with 2 housemates and the hotel we were staying in was on quite a steep hill. I couldn't understand why people were gingerly walking down trying not to slip and decided it would be much easier to just slide down the relatively short hill on my feet. Of course I hadn't thought about how I was going to stop and after sliding about 4 feet I'd already gathered too much momentum to stop with any kind of dignity and ended up running head long into a (thankfully soft) snow bank at the bottom of the hill. Lesson learned |
Many years ago, I was with a group in a Chalet in Alta. As we were sitting down having afternoon tea, there was a loud rumbling noise from outside, shortly before the front door was knocked completely off its hinges and one of our group tumbled through head first, in a clatter of skis and poles.
In his wisdom, he thought it would be cool to make a dramatic entrance, by skiing down the wooden steps leading to the front door...and that he would be able to lean forward, press the door handle down and ski seamlessly through into the chalet. Well he couldn't....especially on 2m skis.
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You know it makes sense.
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There's a lift in Deux Alpes (on Cretes, IIRC) where the piste runs almost directly underneath the chairs as they depart the station. As I approached the area where I expected to stop to join the queue, I realised here was a whacking great area of slush and mud in the way.
I panicked, slammed on the brakes, caught an edge and went head-first into the puddle, to the great amusement of the people on the chairs a few feet overhead.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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| Richard_Sideways wrote: |
| @narbs, In fairness, your good lady wife was correct in her action. Not only did she clear the disembarkation zone to allow the next chair to exit promptly, but her rapid exit reduced the taint of shame associated with your pileup to a minimum for her, and save your feelings from hearing her laughing her back bottom off. |
She's still laughing about it now, believe me
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Poster: A snowHead
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Skiing in Banff (Mt Norquay) I managed to fall off the lift whilst reaching back to pull the safety bar over. Because of this my arms were above me and "held back" during my fall (I'm told 6-10ft) so I managed to truly face plant into the mound of snow the lift operators had accumulated over the past weeks. I guess it was a good job it was there. There was a great deal of laughing from everyone on and around the lift as I had to pull myself out of the mound and return to get on another chair. This embarrassment was only compounded when, having caught everyone up for the end of ski school slalom race, I managed to split my skis either side of the first slalom gate and once again find myself face first in the snow. Very much enjoyed the week and if you can't laugh at yourself you really aren't cut out for skiing.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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@narbs, That has also happened to me before. How do they expect people to ski off on one ski?
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
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I shall have to omnit some names and organisations here, but sufficed to say after years of repping on uni trips I have witnessed some sights...
Learning when & where to recount these sights to people should always be taken into account. A few years ago a certain university gathering in the alps was attempting to improve its image with the governing body of uk student sport, unbeknownst to us the head of said organisation was in resort that week and with our chief of race for lunch that day, when asked what we had all been up to last night I may have recounted incensed that there were a few people having intercourse on his bed my chum had taken it upon himself to place is gentleman's parts on all crockery in the flat and urinate in the dishwasher...
I noticed everyone else giving the me the shut the hell up face a touch too late...
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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@snowymum, same way snowboarders do every time the get off a lift?
@lordf, if that chum was@compostcorner, then he could've done the all the crockery and pans in one pass, and possibly a cereal bowl in the next chalet over.
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Here goes. A catalogue of moments in Soldeu, 2014.
1. Day 1. After about 3 hours in resort we had collected the lift passes and any hire equipment for the group and decided on a few beers. After 1 or 2 I decided to go and explore the area and went for a walk. As I went to cross the road, on a crossing, the driver of a parked car decided it was a good time to reverse to get out of the space he was in. He reversed into me but luckily I managed to side step out of the way and avoid too much damage (unlike the rear windscreen wiper of his car which did help me stay upright and also served as part of my anger outlet as he decided to drive off without checking I was okay)
2. Day 2. After an uneventful morning skiing, we stopped at a cafe for drinks and cake. The weather was good so we sat on the patio and one of my mates and I went to the bar/ counter to get our order. On the way out i managed to find the ice patch on the decking and after a cartoon like moment of flailing legs, I ended up on my a@#£ on the floor. Cue a round of applause from my group and muffled giggles from everyone else.
3. Day 3. We went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast as normal. As I finished started coughing. Im not sure what caused it but couldn't really do anything about it. I got back to my room to get my gear together and coughed some more. As I let go of a particularly fierce cough I pretty much got stuck in one position. My pack had gone into spasm and the pain was unbelievable.
After one day the skiing element of my holiday was over. I had to spend the rest of the week listening to the rest of my group telling me about how the weather was brilliant and the conditions were the best the had ever seen.
Not really embarrassing but a little cringeworthy when people were asking what I had done to injure myself. They clearly expected some off-piste tales but had to make do with my story of a mad german in an Audi, some ice and a coughing fit!!
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just to clarify a few points about my completely true story......i dont wear underpants because i cannot find a pair that fits properly, if they fit around the waist they are usually to small to fit the rest of me in, or if my bits are nice and snug it means their to big around the waist and they just fall down, boxers are a complete waist of time as everything just hangs out the sides. the piste patrol man did stop me but i cannot confirm that he was gay. my friend who i was with actually took some photos, but i"ve lost touch with him, but knowing him their probably floating about on the internet somewhere. anyone know where i can get a decent willy warmer.
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@compostcorner, no idea old boy, but you can get pipe lagging down at Wickes for about £2 per metre.
Last edited by After all it is free  on Fri 6-01-17 16:54; edited 1 time in total
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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Tmi, whether true or not
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@bustergonad, sounds terrible, hope the operation works.
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FAQ
. Friend of mine often used the expression "hairy conniption" 
This did have to happen at the one point in the week when I didn't have my ski helmet on and it was very painful. that was the end of my day skiing in Flaine 