Ski Club 2.0 Home
Snow Reports
FAQFAQ

Mail for help.Help!!

Log in to snowHeads to make it MUCH better! Registration's totally free, of course, and makes snowHeads easier to use and to understand, gives better searching, filtering etc. as well as access to 'members only' forums, discounts and deals that U don't even know exist as a 'guest' user. (btw. 50,000+ snowHeads already know all this, making snowHeads the biggest, most active community of snow-heads in the UK, so you'll be in good company)..... When you register, you get our free weekly(-ish) snow report by email. It's rather good and not made up by tourist offices (or people that love the tourist office and want to marry it either)... We don't share your email address with anyone and we never send out any of those cheesy 'message from our partners' emails either. Anyway, snowHeads really is MUCH better when you're logged in - not least because you get to post your own messages complaining about things that annoy you like perhaps this banner which, incidentally, disappears when you log in :-)
Username:-
 Password:
Remember me:
👁 durr, I forgot...
Or: Register
(to be a proper snow-head, all official-like!)

Language cock-ups? "My hovercraft is full of eels"

 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
Do you have any anecdotes concerning terrible (or hilarious) misunderstandings caused when attempting the local language in a foreign ski resort yet failing in an unfortunately subtle and unnoticed way?

Especially if it escalated into a complete fiasco, e.g. a request for an off-piste guide to 'take a group of elderly skiers down an extremely easy route', was misinterpreted as 'take a group of expert skiers down an extreme route'.

*
"My hovercraft is full of eels"
snow conditions
 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
In Thailand I said make sure it's not a lady boy, not MAKE sure!!
snow report
 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Not quite what you are after, but about 25 years ago I was about to be posted to Zaire for the first time and managed to sneak in a quick skiing holiday before the posting. I was keen to practice my schoolboy French and seized the opportunity when I found myself alone on a long and slow chairlift with a huge, hairy pisteur. After a few seconds of, not very companionable, silence the aforementioned pisteur lit up a Gaulois. This was my moment! With a flourish of conversational brilliance I attempted to say "Ah, I see you are a smoker" [Not my finest pick-up line to be honest] The only problem was that what I actually said was "Ah, je vois que vous êtes un fumier"

French speakers amongst you will know that I should have called him 'un fumeur'. For those that don't know, 'un fumier' is a dung heap. Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed

The rest of the chair lift journey passed in an agony of shame and embarrassment.
ski holidays
 You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
@foxtrotzulu, funnily enough, as I have to deliver horse dung to a dung heap every day (in France), I did immediately recognise your wee slip up. Very Happy

When that happened to me (in Lech), I said "Ne fumez pas s'il vous plait!" He wasn't huge & hairy tho - or I might have thought twice. Toofy Grin
snow report
 Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Other way round, but I had a French guy in my group (first time skier, dressed top to toe in the French national team one-piece, go pro on his head- wish I'd got the footage from that). He came out of the toilets at lunch telling us that it was good they had 'toilet water' as skiing had made him sweaty. Thinking we'd misunderstood, we asked him to repeat. Yes, toilet water. He'd used the toilet water because of the sweat.

Awkward silence. He sits down next to me. I inch away and stare, horrified, at my flabbergasted companions (mix of French and Italian). Then, the unmistakeable whiff of musk and sandalwood. Aftershave! Eau de toilette! I had to go and use the toilet water myself as I nearly wet myself giggling.
snow conditions
 You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
I decided rather than learning Italian, I would just use Babelfish to translate my ski hotel room requests. Tippy tap, send. Cue a very confused reply from the hotel re being unable to accommodate the farm animals.....I had asked for a room for 2 adults & 2 kids.....which Babelfish kindly translated as kids of the baby goat variety!
snow report
 Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...
I remember a French guy asking a mate of mine for directions in Val D. He didn't know the answer, so trying to be helpful and offer a map to the guy, my mate said 'Je suis un piste map'.
ski holidays
 After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
After all it is free Go on u know u want to!
@Whitters, mange tout, mange tout, Rodney Laughing Laughing
snow report
 You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
On about day 3 or 4 of private lessons with the same ski instructor, I asked him if he wanted to eat me for lunch when I meant to ask him if he wanted to eat lunch with me Embarassed
latest report
 Ski the Net with snowHeads
Ski the Net with snowHeads
@Zero_G,
Quote:

On about day 3 or 4 of private lessons with the same ski instructor, I asked him if he wanted to eat me for lunch when I meant to ask him if he wanted to eat lunch with me Embarassed
Go on what was the reply?
ski holidays
 snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
I still cringe at asking a waiter in France whether an item on the menu was 'une piscine'. I meant une poisson...
snow report
 And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
I was in Snowlegend, La Grave preparing to head out with a guide and and asked him for un pelle et un sceau to put in my pack, instead of un pelle et une sonde. Have you ever ski-ed La Grave carrying a bucket with you all day???
ski holidays
 So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
So if you're just off somewhere snowy come back and post a snow report of your own and we'll all love you very much
@snowlapin, For snowcastles eh? snowHead
ski holidays
 You know it makes sense.
You know it makes sense.
This belongs here.


http://youtube.com/v/8cwWgxbqah0
snow report
 Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
I once asked someone in my best French -- "Où est le supermarché Auchon?" His reaction was "WHAT DID YOU SAY" in a strong (aggressive) French accent. With a feeling of dread I realised that 'Auchon' is very close to 'Cochon' (pig..) -- He must of thought I had said "where it the supermarket PIG" Embarassed Embarassed
snow conditions
 Poster: A snowHead
Poster: A snowHead
@johnE, it took him a few beats to work out what I was actually trying to say and then he couldn't stop laughing, much to my own consternation.
ski holidays
 Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Having lived in france for a while, I have a few:

- American friend (with heavily accented french) in Paris, asking directions to the station "Excusez-moi, où est la guerre s'il vous plaît?" (mis-pronouncing "war" for "station")
Elderly passer-by, dryly "Vous êtes trop tard monsieur".

- Me, to the guy at the dump, wanting to unload an old mattress "Où dois-je metre un vieux matelot?" (where do I put an old sailor?)
Guy at dump "Quoi?"
Not sure if "sailor" has the same Dick Emery connotations in france, but I found it funny.

- English friend at the builders' merchant, wanting some copper pipe "Il me faut un pipe en cuir svp" (having confused "cuir" for "cuivre")
Three young guys behind counter "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!"
Translation: "I'd like a blow-job in leather please"

- English friend at the bed shop, wanting a foam mattress "Avez-vous une maîtresse en caoutchouc?" (knowing the word for rubber but not foam)
Shop assistant, smiling "Je pense que vous avez trompé le magasin monsieur".
Translation: "Do you have a rubber mistress please?"..."I think you're in the wrong shop sir".

- Me, first day as a ski-tech to middle-aged ski-hiring woman, wanting to know her weight to set the bindings "Combien vous baiser Madame?" (having mis-pronounced "pèses" - to weigh)
Client, boss, and everyone in the shop " Shocked "
Translation: "How much do you fu ck madam?" Skullie
snow conditions
 Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
@shep, Hilarious Laughing . Love the war & copper pipe ones.
latest report



Terms and conditions  Privacy Policy