Regrets, I've had few

A snowHead

@RichardB, Laughing

I saw this happen to my nephew. He and his flapping snowboard were dragged the entire way up the mountain but he never let go. Still makes me cry with laughter when I think of it.

A snowHead

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

@ALQ, ye me also Sad

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Not nagging my parents enough as a child to take me skiing.

Putting my faith in the competence of a medical practice in EK.

Being stuck on a chair lift for 40mins before having to pee into an empty orangina bottle - wife on one-side, unknown Frenchman on the other - he never introduced himself.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

Regret eating a chocolate moose in a restaurant in Les Deux Alpes on Friday November 4th 1994.

Disclaimer not for the easily offended.

Consequences
Back then they actually had snow at that time of year, and all the top stuff was entirely ridable, but the resort was obviously quiet.
I got up to the glacier on Saturday morning, at which point there was a mild storm under way.

Almost immediately my body started to reject what had presumably been last season's moose. I've worked all around the world including nasty bits of Africa, but the only place I ever get food poisoning is France. Anyway, that's no big deal usually, but this was severe - the worst I've had (and I can list them all, why's that?)

I made the dash to the bogs at the top-station just in time to explode relatively gracefully and hygienically from multiple orifices. It was noisy, and continued for about half an hour in irregular bouts.

This was before mobile phones were common (yes, yes, I worked for Nokia, I had one, but I didn't take it on holiday), so my girlfriend eventually walked into the gents assuming I'd died or something. I was audibly still alive but still sick, and entirely unable to move. She tried to help but there wasn't much to do other than wait. I spent a couple of hours monitoring the frequency of evacuation events, research which I'll not bother you with.

By around mid day the toilet cleaners were obviously getting concerned and they alerted the piste patrol, who came into the room and in simple French insisted on forcing me out of the stall. I explained in school boy French (for some reason I knew merde) that leaving my throne was not something I'd do voluntarily as it would be messy. Eventually they became more forceful, threatening to break the door down. I figured that they were going to force me to show my degradation to them one way or another, so I shrugged and opened the door. I assume they had a good laugh later at the sight of a UK snowboarder with his pants around his ankles, so I looked them in the eyes and thought about projectile vomiting at them. There was a full set of patrollers, who faded away with embarrassment.

An hour or so later the frequency of my "bouts" had reduced somewhat, and I started to suffer from uncontrollable shakes from what I assume are dehydration problems . I felt that things were getting serious, so I negotiated the loan of a bucket. I'm not making this up. My girlfriend and I were the only passengers descending in the 'frique. I had the bucket in hand, but fortunately didn't have to deploy it during the journey back to the village.

Down there I found a doctor who prescribed some Imodium and fizzy pop. Normally fizzy pop's the last thing I'd drink, but for dehydration it works pretty well. I didn't have the strength to ride anything that weekend, so that moose wasted my whole weekend.

Stuff I learned

Don't eat raw egg products in France, and be wary of restaurants in French resorts at the start and end of seasons.
I think it's more embarrassing to force yourself into someone's poo-poo than it is to have someone force themselves into yours.
French doctors are helpful (and free)

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@philwig, I feel a lot better about my regret after reading that. Thank you.

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After all it is free

@philwig, only two parts of the world in which I've had serious food poisoning with the multiple orifice evacuation you describe: Vietnam and France. France! A first world EU country...

Saying "I can't remember the last time I fell over skiing" followed about 7 seconds later with me falling over, at a complete standstill, on the flat. Took me about 5 minutes to get up too. How they laughed...

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@philwig, I think you've won this thread.

I did have very very similar experience while eating a blue steak tartare once while visiting Paris with a *very* posh ex-girlfriend...

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@Surface2Air, Welcome to snowHeads

On a not dissimilar thought to @philwig, I sort of regret the occurence in an Italian mountain restaurant on Saturday. Embarassed

In my defence, when you have an upset stomach, you lose all accuracy and hitting the target when it is only a hole in the floor is almost impossible - so it serves them right for having such stupid toilets.
I hope that the wall cleaners in the gents were paid a bonus that day Embarassed

Regrets.

Sitting in a gondola with vinyl seating and trying to q-u-i-e-t-l-y creep one out, only for it to be fully audible.

You know it makes sense.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

Didn't take my rucksack off before getting on the chairlift, despite signs indicating it was highly advisable to do so. I am a seasoned pro I have no need for advice signage..

As I was approaching the top of the chairlift, I readied the other troops to disembark (like the seasoned pro that I am), and to my immense horror found myself attached via my rucksack to the chairlift. Despite wriggling like a worm on speed I could not free myself. My friends dismount sniggering, leaving me alone and wriggling in ever greater frenzy. The chair lift turns the corner to go back down. Despite being the seasoned pro this is a new experience I think to myself and will require the mother of all James Bond one liners when I arrive back down the bottom to an amused queue of skiers. Must maintain calmness and appear the seasoned pro. To busy thinking of said one liner I hadn't noticed the trip switch. Chair lift stops. Angry French lift attendant comes over screaming "Er what are you doing..". "Going back down, what does it look like" I scream back defiantly. He frees me from my predicament and restarts lift. I ski off and put in defiant turn to reassert my seasoned pro-ness. Only I have forgotten my boot buckles are still undone, catch an edge and begin to wipe out bambi on ice style in front of everyone (including now arriving ski school). "Idiot" laughs lift attendant. "Bridgette Jones!" scream my mates for the rest of the week. I am not a seasoned pro....

A snowHead

philwig wrote -- "Regret eating a chocolate moose in a restaurant in Les Deux Alpes on Friday November 4th 1994...."

Not surpised - they are big b#uggers !!

A snowHead

Yebbut chocolate mouse just doesn't fill the hole

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

Biggest Regret - Going on first ski holiday to La Plagne 1800 with only a couple of hours snowdome tuition. It was New Year so could not book any in resort lessons on arrival. On the first day I fell over umpteen times going down the tiny nursery slope. Eventually got to bottom of the slight gradient slope and navigated my way to the small button lift. Joined the queue of 4 year olds having lessons and eventually took my turn on the button.

Fell over immediately in front of about 20 children. Could not lift myself despite the French instructor with the children shouting 'Use zee poles' (imagine French accent). Took ages unclipping skis as I wallowed around on the floor and the queue grew larger. I am sure I could hear giggling. Re-joined queue and fell over again.

Least regret - Going skiing in La Plagne. Regardless of my poor skiing, bad technique and general nuisance on the slopes I got 'the bug' for skiing. I spent the week learning to get down as many blues as I could and snowploughed the hell out of a small red run (it burns!!!!).

Having taught myself a lot of bad technique I learnt the most important lesson that you need to get lessons in resort.

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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

There are probably quite a few other "regrets" the more I think about it... Embarassed

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@Cacciatore, reminds me of when I fell over while looking at the piste map (stood completely still) and snapped one of my rental poles. Had to pay 15 euros for the privilege of looking like a bigger tit than usual Very Happy

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Getting smashed on Stroh rum at 14 years old in Zell Am Zee

After all it is free

La Clusaz sometime in the early '90's. I'm a big chap and long drag lifts have a bit of 'torque' on take off. Button placed between legs (incorrectly), lift set off without me but managed to forcefully engage my plums on exit. Cue 'l'anglais' writhing in front of the queue in short-lived agony with an unamused liftie looking on. Embarassed

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Pushed off on to the run in for a chair lift, 6 seats all full. The person next to me wanted more room than they should, so it was a bit tight and I couldn't angle my skis to slow myself down... I slid straight off the end of the run in.

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- After seeing these guys on the slopes my stepson clocked them in a bar later and we ended up clubbing with them Shocked

- Broken ribs twice, once skiing once during apres Sad

- Going down Clot de Chalance a few years ago after my 16 year daughter warned me I wasn't good enough to do it with her (she was right)

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after huge night out (first night ) found asleep on roundabout val disere spent night in the police cell but still was skiing at 1pm with a mother of hangover

@Cacciatore, I remember us having a bit of a thirst on that day.

These look familiar?

You know it makes sense.

Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:

@philwig, and get peeps wondering about my posting a pic of a moose...!! wink

A snowHead

Ooooh. Continuing the theme of Philwig, I regret getting into a pile of sub-prime gammon prior to departure to St.Anton a few years back. Only trip to the mountains that I've come away from weighing less than when I arrived.
Oh, the HUMANITY!

A snowHead

@JamesN, reminds me of the time when I had just got back from a decent bike ride in France. The kids then insisted that I cycle with them around the campsite, full lycra, road bike, clip-in pedals, water bottles, the works. Must have looked a right tw@t

Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?

On one of my last trips with the parents in my early twenties, we’d stopped in Paris for a quick dinner with wine before boarding the couchette. About 1am I wake up with a raging thirst that we all have after a few too many. Complimentary water bottle empty, damn, head to the toilet and see the sign that says the water from the tap is not for drinking, I think to myself ‘I’m dying of thirst here, it’ll be fine’

Arrive at resort early morning and head out for a days skiing and all is well. Next day head out again with the chalet host (back when ski guiding was allowed) late morning my stomach is doing somersaults and all is definitely not well!! I make my excuses to the group, that I REALLY need to dash off. I make a quick decision that it is probably quicker to head back to the chalet than risk being stuck like philwig and remembering that the toilet were the stand up type, which was NOT going to end well! So off I head at high speed back to the chalet, making it just in time for the eruptions to start from both barrels. The rest of the days is spent in the toilet with most suitably arranged sanitryware.

Moral of the story, DO NOT drink the water from the couchette train taps!

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Falling off a chairlift into a snowdrift right at the bottom of the lift in one of the Chamonix areas (it was my first week to be fair)

Being sick off a chairlift in St Anton, then crying like a baby and having to stop every 2 turns to shudder.

Sitting on a mogul rather hard in La Plagne and having to take the bloodwagon off the mountain, thus curtailing my season.

Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.

@bobmcstuff,

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Many, many years ago (we are talking the mid '80's), I helped organise the British Universities Ski Championships at Cairngorm. The wind on that day was so strong that the mountain was closed except for the championships. Any loose snow had long since been blown off, leaving only a shiny icy surface.

My friend Mike and I were tasked with taking a load of poles, flags and red dye up to the course. This involved taking the T-bar on the right hand side of the bowl as you look up the mountain - the track of which was glistening alarmingly. Anyway, Mike took a stack of poles and I took a large (open topped) cardboard box full of flags and, balanced on top of that, a gallon container of red dye.

With a bit of help from the lifty, we got on the T-bar together, with our hands full of kit so not able to hold on to anything. All went well. We made it up the steepest bit OK, and as we neared the top went over a bit of a lip - the wind hit us full on and that was that... with our hands full, over we went and started to slide back down the icy slope, gathering speed. Luckily, there were two sets of people on the next two T-bars to slow us down (although I don't think they saw it like that...). Having taken them out, we both finally managed to stop.

Mike had managed to keep hold of the poles. I had managed to save the flags.... the gallon container of red dye, on the other hand, escaped. 30 years later, I can still see in slow motion as it accelerated down the slope, missed about 5 sets of people, putting in a couple of bounces, before catching someone's ski tip and exploding spectacularly all over them. The mess looked like someone had been run over by a piste basher.

If that unfortunate person is reading, can I apologise now?

Then you can post your own questions or snow reports...

Some of these really should be sent to Simon Mayo's "Confessions" slot Laughing

After all it is free

If I've learnt nothing else from this thread I've learnt not to ski under chairlifts.

Vodka night at the EOSB a couple of years ago Toofy Grin

Insisting I could manage the tray of drinks across a slippery wooden terrace, triple toe loop later and I was covered in vin chaud, hot chocolate and chantilly cream. Received applause.

Falling the entire length of International in Vail at the end of the day, full yard sale in front of a baying après ski crowd in the bar at the bottom of the run. More applause. And free tequila

One regret I could have had but haven't is marrying my snowboard instructor after I broke both arms and four ribs in my first lesson with him! Very Happy

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Not starting skiing until in my forties! If only I had known then what I know now.
And breaking my hand falling at the bottom of the BLUE RUN( Embarassed

) at Melezet, Bardonecchia on the first day of my holiday last year.

Help!!

Regrets, I've had few

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