 Poster: A snowHead
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I'm sure this must have been posted in the past, so sorry for the repeat, but still makes me laugh every time.
Do these to prepare for you Ski-ing holiday.
Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice,
and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at
high speed.
Go to McDonald's and insist on paying £8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you
are in the longest line.
Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcyle fast
enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere- as long as it's in a snowstorm and
you're following an 18 wheeler.
Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your
face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your
clothes.
Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
because you have to go to the bathroom.
Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you
go to bed each night.
Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots
carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.
If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
How about drinking 6 pints of lager and a bottle of cheap red wine everyday
Sleep in your airing cupboard with the telly on and you will get used to
being in the homely atmosphere of a Chalet.
Eat all the out of date food in your freezer - this will set you up fine for
Chalets as well.
Stand in line for hours at the local Unemployment Benefit Office - the
ambience and customer service will prepare you for Chambery or Lyons
airport.
Drive in the middle lane of the M25 and stop for no apparent reason
Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the
real thing!
Got any more?
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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Funnily enough I had a couple of very nice pastries in Bern Airport on monday whilst waiting for my flight, they cost about half the price and tasted 3 times better than the food offered in Southampton Airport, that said both airports are clean and small meaning fast checkins and short waiting times to reclaim ones baggage
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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Use a hair dryer on the inside of your mouth for an hour and then eat a packet of cream crackers. -This will pepare you for sleeping in dry high altitude air.
Sleep with your head resting on a Kraft cheese slice ( still wrapped) - French pillows
Try sleeping on a 2ft x 5ft marshmallow - French beds
Pull your knees up t your chin and try getting into a cake tin filled with the sweat from a pig that has malaria - French baths
Take a long freezing walk to a pub, sit next to a log fire, and have a wonderful meal - Some French mountain eateries
Lets finish on a good one 
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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Take a picture of your nearest and dearest grinning proudly in front of your nearest municipal multistory car-park - French purpose built ski resort.
Climb into the car with all your friends and relatives small children after feeding them sweets and fizzy pop. Drive round and round a roundabout until they start to vomit, and then drive along the edge of a cliff. Take one hand off the wheel to roll and spark up a fag, whilst overtaking a (faster) minibus - The transfer bus.
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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D G Orf,
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that said both airports are clean and small
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Don't think they get much smaller than Berne ?
Do you still get the edible gift on arrival ?
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