 Poster: A snowHead
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Following on from this I thought that Mr Swiller raises a good point. On this forum there is so much helpful good advice, which is so balanced and fair, that I wonder if we have gone too far?
I am sure this has been done before but really CBA to check properly, but how about some bad advice to give to skiers? There is only a limited amount of snow in the world, it is getting less, and we ought to be ensuring that we get the best of it. If we practice our bad advice here, then soon we can start slipping it into threads started by innocent newbies and limit the competition for snow... Now all the pimps are away slaving for the winter we really must take up the slack.
I will start:
1). Buy your boots off e-bay. Choose the ones with the best colour.
2). Bankso really is the new Val d'Isere. Invest now.
3). You can use ski wax and a waxing iron to give your Girlfriend a Brazillian.
4). Always buy your lift pass and ski-hire from the TOs rep on the coach. Tip them 15%.
5). Blades are the new hot thing.
6). Carry a ball of string tied to your belt. If caught in an avalanche, throw it as hard as you can. You will always be found.
7). Straight skis are coming back. Again e-bay is the place to be.
8}. Judge how long your skis should be by multiplying your weight in Kg by 2 and adding the number of weeks you have skied. Set the bindings to your age divided by 2.
9). The powder in Scotland in January is second to none. Book now.
10). You can make really good custom footbeds by filling your liners with "no more nails" , putting your feet in, and leaning forwards.
etc etc....
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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stoatsbrother, ....... 
11). Save loadsa money in Ski Resorts by sleeping in your own car.
.......
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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12). Yeah, sure 2 weeks is enough experience to go off piste: just follow someone who looks like they know what they're doing.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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stoatsbrother, (9) and (10) are both good advice though. (6) works about as well as 300 quids worth of electronics and (2)... never been there but it must be true because it said so in the Daily Mail (who's ski correspondent, I just happen to know, bought a place there!!!!!!!!!)
(13) Join the Ski Club
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Don't turn.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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14). Always lean up the hill
15). Your OH's advice is always correct.
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16). Try to stick to resorts well below 1000m or you'll end up ruining your holiday with altitude sickness.
17). Try to avoid skiing in: Jan - Too cold, Feb - Too expensive, Mar - Too unreliable, April? No-one skis in April, there's no snow.
18). A one-piece really is the only practical thing to wear. It [obviously] needs to be as bright as possible so they can find u if u get lost.
19). The avalanche levels don't really mean a lot. They tend to just put it up to 4 when there's been new snow to scare u off while the ski patrol puts down first tracks.
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21) Always eat the yellow snow.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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You'll go slower if you schuss the fall-line.
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23) NEVER tip the chalet staff. They will be insulted.
24) It's OK to smoke in any crowded cable car or Gondola.
25) Always sit DOWN on a drag lift.
26) Always wait for the lift staff to clear the chair lift seats of snow before sitting down.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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27) If you want to stop, just lean on your poles.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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and that folks was my 400th!!
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You know it makes sense.
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The sign for Nursery Slopes is:
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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Frosty the Snowman, ah ouai, c'est vrai 
34) ESF children's classes are meant to be used as slalom poles. You must knock down the ones with helmets.
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Poster: A snowHead
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35) any sign that say slow really means go as fast as possible
- actually you see loads of these signs in places where going for a tuck will get you up a hill - otherwise you're walking (why do they do it???)
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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36 ) Do remember your manners in French restaurants. When served, be sure to say 'Merde' .
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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37 ) it is customary to stand on other people's skis in lift queues.
38 ) queuing is optional, there is no reason why you shouldn't just push straight past those in front of you.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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39) if you are not ready to get on the lift it is ok to stand right in the middle so that when you are it is easier to join the queue. Good skiers can squeeze in past you
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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40) Don't bother to pull down the bar on chairlifts, they just get in way
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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41) If you start to fall off the drag lift throw your arms around the neck of the person you are on the drag with, they will not mind
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Dont waste your money on decent ski socks - those ski tubes will do the job just as well.
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42) A 'T' shirt and a thin jumper are ideal for resorts above 2000m, especially in Jnuary
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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43) Chalet Girls have to be qualified as masseuses. Don't let them be shy. Insist they show you their skills!
44) If you have twin-tips it doesnt matter which direction you put your feet in the bindings.
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45) Try driving over to the Alps it only takes a couple of hours.
46) Standard UK tyres are fine on snow covered roads.
47)There are no speed cameras or radar in France.
48)If there is snow on the road in the resort it's OK to park anywhere.
49) The toll booths on French motorways take British currency including coins.
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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50) Off piste skiing is perfectley safe in Flaine area when there is limited snow
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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51) Don't waste money on high SPF suntan lotion - at high altitude and in very cold conditions vaseline or goose fat are both far more effective for protecting your skin
52) Remember to layer clothes properly - when it's cold thin layers won't be very effective and you really need to wear a string vest base layer, thick cotton T shirt 2nd layer, and a fisherman's oiled knitted sweater mid layer under your outer layer. The string vest keeps pockets of warm air close to your body, the cotton T aborbs sweat and the oiled sweater helps wick moisture away.
53) After hiring skis for the week you can avoid tha hassle of returning them to the rental shop by leaving them outside your accommodation for collection.
54) Always hire cars from the French side of Geneva airport if skiing in France.
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PMSL at all these - thanks for cheering me up having just returned from a weeks great skiing.
55) don't worry if you are in the wrong area at the end of the day - taxis are cheap to return to your resort.
56) skiing over rocky patches helps sharpen your skis edges
57) dont wait for the ski bus, a 10 minute walk at the end of the day will help you "warm down"
5 Remember as a kid using a swing? - if you try this on a chair lift it speeds it up.
59) Dont bother packing food, snacks and drink - the mountain huts have plenty of bargains for the hungry and thirsty skier.
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You know it makes sense.
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60) If you need to stop, do so in the middle of the piste, so that you can be clearly seen.
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Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
Otherwise you'll just go on seeing the one name:
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61) K2 Pontoons are the optimum ski for icy black mogul fields
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Poster: A snowHead
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62) If you lose your skis, don't worry, as the mountain restaurants always have a wide selection of spare skis outside
63) If you are having trouble with your skis and finding them rather difficult to handle, then you are also able to swap them with another pair from the wide selection of spares outside mountain restaurant.
64) All you need to do when you borrow a pair of skis from the wide selection available outside the moutain restaurant is to leave a note of your name, accommodation address and phone number in their place.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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65) Ski boots are very difficult to put on when they are cold and can be uncomfortable. A fantastic "top trick" to make things easier is to immerse them in a tub of hot water before putting them on. They will then go on your feet much easier and you will be all set for a comfortable day on the piste.
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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66) The best and safest place to take your first steps at snowplough is down the middle of the half-pipe
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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67) Always listen to the TO guests telling you what great skiers they are, especially the ones that think they're especially clever for buying a pass off the internet - even the though the vast majority are a bunch of useless gapers, who can't ski for toffee
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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6 Even if you have never skied before, it is important to tell everyone how great you are and that you've been skiing for years. Otherwise you'll get the left-overs in the ski hire shop and everyone will assume you are just a useless gaper.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Hi all, I fully understand that this is a fun post - but did it have to include the H word in the title, surely no-one knows anyone that they actually Hate? Sorry just being PC - in the spirit of the fun post it otherwise is all the suggestions are excellent - I am logging them all faithfully to ensure that I don't carry them out.
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69) that elasticated thing inside the jacket called the snowskirt ? never do it up as it just cuts off circulation
70) Dont bother to spend money on goggles, its just as easy to see with sunglasses in horizontal snow and 20+kph winds
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At minus 20, save yourself the trouble of carrying a rucksac by puting all metal objects in your mouth, icescrews and karibiners will not stick to your lips or toungue.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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SMALLZOOKEEPER, LOL
72) Always wash your outfits after every trip with your normal washing powder, they will stay waterproof for years !
73) MEN - tight lycra ski racing leggings DO look good and women LOVE them ! wear them at every oppurtunity!
74) Queues dont exist in the mountains - its every man for himself, make sure you push your way to the front of every line
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75) When tired, you are encouraged to 'rest' with as many other snow boarders as you can muster, in the middle of the piste
76) After 'resting' its acceptable, nay preferable and to be encouraged, to just get up and go, particularly if you're on a tray, and board across the slope withourt looking behind first.
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FAQ
